So much anger
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 25
So much anger
Hi everyone,
How are you all doing today?
I'm managing to get by.
Still have had no contact with my ex bf. I guess that's a good thing right?
Today I'm feeling alone and angry. Every day is different for me. Some days I'm just sad and miss him. Some days I'm just angry and hate him. Today I have so much anger towards him. Thinking about the past 6 years of my life, all the time that I put into this man, all the money that I wasted. I feel taken advantage of, I feel unloved. I sacrificed so many things in my life for him. So many things I could have done in my life and with my career that I didn't do for him. I'm angry and I feel like he ruined my life. I was not the same person 6 years ago. I was happy and free. Now I am depressed and angry. My friends and family have seen the difference. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Like they ruined who you are as a person?
I'm just angry and wish I could call him and tell him what a horrible person is.
Just feeling like I need to vent today
How are you all doing today?
I'm managing to get by.
Still have had no contact with my ex bf. I guess that's a good thing right?
Today I'm feeling alone and angry. Every day is different for me. Some days I'm just sad and miss him. Some days I'm just angry and hate him. Today I have so much anger towards him. Thinking about the past 6 years of my life, all the time that I put into this man, all the money that I wasted. I feel taken advantage of, I feel unloved. I sacrificed so many things in my life for him. So many things I could have done in my life and with my career that I didn't do for him. I'm angry and I feel like he ruined my life. I was not the same person 6 years ago. I was happy and free. Now I am depressed and angry. My friends and family have seen the difference. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Like they ruined who you are as a person?
I'm just angry and wish I could call him and tell him what a horrible person is.
Just feeling like I need to vent today
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It's okay to process the pain, part of recovery is working through our feelings so that the time will come we can put them to rest and then plan for the rest of our lives.
You may have wasted the past 6 years, I doubt they were totally wasted because you probably learned some very valuable lessons that will serve you well as you move forward.
But what if you set your resentments aside just for a day and instead planned for your next 6 years, where you would like to be and how you could get there.
This is part of taking care of yourself and it's important to find positive things in your life, especially when it has been so dark.
He didn't ruin your life, unless you let him. He may have delayed your dreams but now is the time to find new dreams and then make them come true...because you can.
Do something to boost your career. Take a course or even change jobs to something you love to do.
Plan little rewards, like maybe a weekend trip to a spa or to visit an old friend who has maybe been neglected while you were living your nightmare.
Write down 5 things you would really really love to do...then figure out how you can do them.
That's a start and I promise that once you turn your focus back to yourself with a positive attitude, the dreams that you make for your future really can come true. But it's up to you, nobody else hold the key to your happiness, just you alone. Dare to dream and then claim the dream as your own.
Hugs
You may have wasted the past 6 years, I doubt they were totally wasted because you probably learned some very valuable lessons that will serve you well as you move forward.
But what if you set your resentments aside just for a day and instead planned for your next 6 years, where you would like to be and how you could get there.
This is part of taking care of yourself and it's important to find positive things in your life, especially when it has been so dark.
He didn't ruin your life, unless you let him. He may have delayed your dreams but now is the time to find new dreams and then make them come true...because you can.
Do something to boost your career. Take a course or even change jobs to something you love to do.
Plan little rewards, like maybe a weekend trip to a spa or to visit an old friend who has maybe been neglected while you were living your nightmare.
Write down 5 things you would really really love to do...then figure out how you can do them.
That's a start and I promise that once you turn your focus back to yourself with a positive attitude, the dreams that you make for your future really can come true. But it's up to you, nobody else hold the key to your happiness, just you alone. Dare to dream and then claim the dream as your own.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Fmirnv
From my own recent experience
Stay in no contact - In the beginning, I was in no contact for several weeks then she contacted me. I allowed the contact & paid a what I consider to be a heavy price for it. I'm back to no contact for several more weeks now. There is no other choice for me.
Above you said "I'm managing to get by. " Given the circumstance which I know all too well, then you are doing good. Give yourself credit for that.
I just want you to know - all the emotions you are experiencing to me are completely normal. I am experiencing all of the same. I couldn't write about what I am feeling without adding in numerous completely vulgar curse words.
I just want you to know your not alone & what you are experiencing is normal given the circumstance. Yes the circumstance just plain sucks.
Stay strong - I wish you all the best.
From my own recent experience
Stay in no contact - In the beginning, I was in no contact for several weeks then she contacted me. I allowed the contact & paid a what I consider to be a heavy price for it. I'm back to no contact for several more weeks now. There is no other choice for me.
Above you said "I'm managing to get by. " Given the circumstance which I know all too well, then you are doing good. Give yourself credit for that.
I just want you to know - all the emotions you are experiencing to me are completely normal. I am experiencing all of the same. I couldn't write about what I am feeling without adding in numerous completely vulgar curse words.
I just want you to know your not alone & what you are experiencing is normal given the circumstance. Yes the circumstance just plain sucks.
Stay strong - I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Does anyone else ever feel this way? Like they ruined who you are as a person?
I had an aha moment where I had to stop blaming him for my misery and stop playing the victim and blame myself for being a participant and volunteering to remain for as long as I did.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I still very much struggle with anger towards my sister, so much so that a couple months ago I cracked my two rear teeth from clenching my jaw so much. Oops.
Exercise ended up being the best way for me to deal with the anger. That plus lots and lots of therapy.
In terms of actual breakup experience, when my ex-fiance broke up with me, I felt that I had tossed years of my life down the drain. I had ignored my own ambitions, so afterwards I turned to them with a vengeance. I ended up doing pretty much all the things I had ever wanted to do
I ran into him ten years later after our breakup. I had very much moved on, while he remained stuck. He was also no longer talking to his friends. He did apologize for the way he treated me, but by that time I had moved on so much I was just annoyed that he making me late.
Then I went home to my husband and son.
Exercise ended up being the best way for me to deal with the anger. That plus lots and lots of therapy.
In terms of actual breakup experience, when my ex-fiance broke up with me, I felt that I had tossed years of my life down the drain. I had ignored my own ambitions, so afterwards I turned to them with a vengeance. I ended up doing pretty much all the things I had ever wanted to do
I ran into him ten years later after our breakup. I had very much moved on, while he remained stuck. He was also no longer talking to his friends. He did apologize for the way he treated me, but by that time I had moved on so much I was just annoyed that he making me late.
Then I went home to my husband and son.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Ann 
It's okay to process the pain, part of recovery is working through our feelings so that the time will come we can put them to rest and then plan for the rest of our lives.
You may have wasted the past 6 years, I doubt they were totally wasted because you probably learned some very valuable lessons that will serve you well as you move forward.
But what if you set your resentments aside just for a day and instead planned for your next 6 years, where you would like to be and how you could get there.
This is part of taking care of yourself and it's important to find positive things in your life, especially when it has been so dark.
He didn't ruin your life, unless you let him. He may have delayed your dreams but now is the time to find new dreams and then make them come true...because you can.
Do something to boost your career. Take a course or even change jobs to something you love to do.
Plan little rewards, like maybe a weekend trip to a spa or to visit an old friend who has maybe been neglected while you were living your nightmare.
Write down 5 things you would really really love to do...then figure out how you can do them.
That's a start and I promise that once you turn your focus back to yourself with a positive attitude, the dreams that you make for your future really can come true. But it's up to you, nobody else hold the key to your happiness, just you alone. Dare to dream and then claim the dream as your own.
Hugs
You may have wasted the past 6 years, I doubt they were totally wasted because you probably learned some very valuable lessons that will serve you well as you move forward.
But what if you set your resentments aside just for a day and instead planned for your next 6 years, where you would like to be and how you could get there.
This is part of taking care of yourself and it's important to find positive things in your life, especially when it has been so dark.
He didn't ruin your life, unless you let him. He may have delayed your dreams but now is the time to find new dreams and then make them come true...because you can.
Do something to boost your career. Take a course or even change jobs to something you love to do.
Plan little rewards, like maybe a weekend trip to a spa or to visit an old friend who has maybe been neglected while you were living your nightmare.
Write down 5 things you would really really love to do...then figure out how you can do them.
That's a start and I promise that once you turn your focus back to yourself with a positive attitude, the dreams that you make for your future really can come true. But it's up to you, nobody else hold the key to your happiness, just you alone. Dare to dream and then claim the dream as your own.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by HardLessons
Fmirnv
From my own recent experience
Stay in no contact - In the beginning, I was in no contact for several weeks then she contacted me. I allowed the contact & paid a what I consider to be a heavy price for it. I'm back to no contact for several more weeks now. There is no other choice for me.
Above you said "I'm managing to get by. " Given the circumstance which I know all too well, then you are doing good. Give yourself credit for that.
I just want you to know - all the emotions you are experiencing to me are completely normal. I am experiencing all of the same. I couldn't write about what I am feeling without adding in numerous completely vulgar curse words.
I just want you to know your not alone & what you are experiencing is normal given the circumstance. Yes the circumstance just plain sucks.
Stay strong - I wish you all the best.
From my own recent experience
Stay in no contact - In the beginning, I was in no contact for several weeks then she contacted me. I allowed the contact & paid a what I consider to be a heavy price for it. I'm back to no contact for several more weeks now. There is no other choice for me.
Above you said "I'm managing to get by. " Given the circumstance which I know all too well, then you are doing good. Give yourself credit for that.
I just want you to know - all the emotions you are experiencing to me are completely normal. I am experiencing all of the same. I couldn't write about what I am feeling without adding in numerous completely vulgar curse words.
I just want you to know your not alone & what you are experiencing is normal given the circumstance. Yes the circumstance just plain sucks.
Stay strong - I wish you all the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by atalose
I used to feel that way in the beginning of my recovery journey but the longer I remained in my own recovery all that anger turned inward at myself.
I had an aha moment where I had to stop blaming him for my misery and stop playing the victim and blame myself for being a participant and volunteering to remain for as long as I did.
I had an aha moment where I had to stop blaming him for my misery and stop playing the victim and blame myself for being a participant and volunteering to remain for as long as I did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart
I still very much struggle with anger towards my sister, so much so that a couple months ago I cracked my two rear teeth from clenching my jaw so much. Oops.
Exercise ended up being the best way for me to deal with the anger. That plus lots and lots of therapy.
In terms of actual breakup experience, when my ex-fiance broke up with me, I felt that I had tossed years of my life down the drain. I had ignored my own ambitions, so afterwards I turned to them with a vengeance. I ended up doing pretty much all the things I had ever wanted to do
I ran into him ten years later after our breakup. I had very much moved on, while he remained stuck. He was also no longer talking to his friends. He did apologize for the way he treated me, but by that time I had moved on so much I was just annoyed that he making me late.
Then I went home to my husband and son.
Exercise ended up being the best way for me to deal with the anger. That plus lots and lots of therapy.
In terms of actual breakup experience, when my ex-fiance broke up with me, I felt that I had tossed years of my life down the drain. I had ignored my own ambitions, so afterwards I turned to them with a vengeance. I ended up doing pretty much all the things I had ever wanted to do
I ran into him ten years later after our breakup. I had very much moved on, while he remained stuck. He was also no longer talking to his friends. He did apologize for the way he treated me, but by that time I had moved on so much I was just annoyed that he making me late.
Then I went home to my husband and son.
Thank you for sharing this with me
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 16
I don't know your story, but oh my gosh I am filled with rage. My addict ex left for no reason (he was willing to admit) and poof he was gone. No remorse, nothing. It has been 4 months. He's been cooping up with this party girl and it gets me so angry I can't even sleep. The anger physically burns in my body thinking about everything he's done to me that I was WILLING to put up with and he is just moving on. (Do addicts move on when they can't process emotions? Still trying to figure this out as I am not an addict.)
I'm so sorry for your anger. I can tell you that you are NOT alone and that you have every right to be angry. I work out all of the time and eat well. I am doing a bikini competition in October (bucket list/post break up thing) and let me tell you...it STILL feels like I'm raging with anger after a workout. Maybe that isn't normal lol but I am in therapy. Just know you aren't alone.
I'm so sorry for your anger. I can tell you that you are NOT alone and that you have every right to be angry. I work out all of the time and eat well. I am doing a bikini competition in October (bucket list/post break up thing) and let me tell you...it STILL feels like I'm raging with anger after a workout. Maybe that isn't normal lol but I am in therapy. Just know you aren't alone.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Fmrinv. I feel the way you feel in your post. I have anger, fear, more anger, resentment, and heaps of guilt. I know that we're supposed to look at our own behavior and the reason why we stayed, but I'm sick of blaming myself for the situation, because (in my experience), I was manipulated into staying. It's not like the addict choose someone that they knew would not put up with their bull -- he knew I would try to make things work, so he chose me. Also, he blames me... for everything, for his choice to use drugs, for the breakup, everything. And the reasons are absurd. So I'm not blaming myself today. I can't, I do it every day. I think maybe you have to feel this angry sometimes... and then work out and join a bikini competition. I don't know. I hope it gets better with time.
Yeah, I also feel like my life has been destroyed. Of course, this gives the addict power over us, their addiction is still a powerful force over us if we feel destroyed. I have to remind myself over and over, the last C of the four Cs: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it, don't let it consume you. I have trouble with the first and last C. I feel like I'm in a problem of my own making, because I tolerated the behavior, and it still consumes me.
If I were less angry today, I would extend a virtual hug to you, F.
Yeah, I also feel like my life has been destroyed. Of course, this gives the addict power over us, their addiction is still a powerful force over us if we feel destroyed. I have to remind myself over and over, the last C of the four Cs: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it, don't let it consume you. I have trouble with the first and last C. I feel like I'm in a problem of my own making, because I tolerated the behavior, and it still consumes me.
If I were less angry today, I would extend a virtual hug to you, F.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
