stillmaggie

It's only been two days. I just wonder when, and if, that person I remember myself to be, starts to return. Crafty, fun, funny, energetic, always trying to see the big picture. Character and integrity. I become an angry, bitter, boring, sniping, wretched person, focused almost only on my own unhappy feelings. I've been that for a very long time. Will stopping nightly wine really change that? Not to be down on the alcohol cessation. I just don't know what to expect for and from myself, or what's realistic, moving forward.

I have so many reasons to be joyful but I have not been for so long.

Thanks for reading.

FreeOwl

In my case... no "me" came back.

A new, improved, better-than-ever joyful and present ME emerged.

That took time and effort and sometimes just stubborn resolve.

Along the way, glimpses of that new ME created momentum.

That new ME of course contained many facets of the 'old' ME from bits and pieces of the me that wasn't warped by addiction..... but it was never a return to some former version.

And that's been one of the greatest parts of the journey..... BECOMING ME. DISCOVERING ME. GROWING ME.

A process that in sobriety continues to deepen and expand.

hang in there. do the work.

Anna

I didn't get the old 'me' back either. Instead, I started from scratch and built myself up again, hopefully as a slightly better version than before. The thing is, I didn't begin drinking until my mid-forties, but I had an addictive mind for most of my life. Recovery is a lifelong journey.

totfit

What I find is that dropping alcohol merely allows us to do the things that makes us better. Stopping drinking does not fix anything in and of itself other than allow our bodies to repair themselves, allow our minds to clear, and allow us to take action in our lives to make things better. Lot's of folks start back drinking because they stop a little while and say, "Well, nothing has changed, nothing is better, so I may as well drink." Well, nothing automatically changes, but it provided the clarity to see what changes I needed to make in my life to become happier and more fulfilled. Then.............I had to take action to make those changes occur. It is amazing what can happen though.

stillmaggie

This is what concernes me a bit, this thinking is always on the fringe when I've stopped in the past.

I am with littles all day so if I am gone a few hours, they are why. Just so no one thinks I am ignoring or not appreciating your efforts in replying.

tomsteve

ok, and the big picture is that change doesnt happen overnight. change isnt some magical,mystical action that occurs simply because we stopped drinking after years of dumping toxins into our bodies.

but change does occur so long as the person wanting change works for it and does some trudging along the way- no more excuses to drink.
THAT is the big picture.

i wouldnt want the old me back. before i even started drinkin i had low self esteem, fears up the ying yang, and quite self centered.

August252015

I'd very much agree with the comments above that I found a new, in some ways very different, and in every way better me in sobriety. I was very sick when I quit so the first weeks were really just coming back to life and normal adult behavior (eating, showering every day, making the bed)....and as I sat in the rooms of AA and began to come out of my quiet, which was sometimes angry, sometimes confusion, sometimes gratitude, the whole gamut of a shell....I started understanding my program and living differently.

It's a process.

I saw a lot of changes around 100 days. Then again at 8 mos. In between, I remember a week or two of just plain aggravation and orneriness at 4 mo....10 mo was solid....it's an ongoing process and here at nearly 19 mo I have developed a new normal, good relationships, and a whole different worldview and way of life. And honestly, almost all good days; when I have a "bad" one, it's generally mild, and it's always "fixable," as my fiance and I say, and I have tools to DEAL. It's priceless to me and those who love me.

You can find your best life too - nightly wine will seem very unworthy of defining you compared to whatever it is your life can be in sobriety.

Hope to see you around here.

thomas11

Sobriety is a marathon, not a sprint. 2 days is very young in your journey. Just like alcoholism is progressive, getting to be "normal" and finding out who the new you is also progressive. Takes months and years. As others have said, be STRONG in your resolve. every day.

Ina123

I agree with what’s said above. Change doesn’t happen overnight. At times in the first few months, it can get quite frustrating because you realize that sobriety doesn’t magically “fix” your life, BUT it does give you the tools to do the work and make it that much better. And it really does get that much better.

In the first few months, I started to recognize parts of myself come back. I started laughing - really, laughing again. I could look people in the eye when talking to them and not worry about shame from nights before. I could look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgust. I was less bitter and angry with others. I started to engage in conversations that felt meaningful. I became a better, more reliable friend and partner. My confidence has started to rebuild. Hope has returned. Life is still hard, but it holds possibility. Possibility that wasn’t there when I was waking up hungover every day. I used to drink and think about how great my life could be, but now I feel like I actually get a chance to live it and work towards those goals. Be patient. For me, it’s really been one day at a time, but I try to remind myself that each day things get better and better

Whenever I'm having a tough day I remind myself what someone on here once said “I’ve NEVER regretted NOT drinking”

Congrats on day 2! Keep going! I would also suggest joining the September Class. It’s a great way to follow along with others who are at the same stage as you in sobriety. I joined a class when I first started and it has not only helped me to stay accountable, but I’ve met a great bunch of friends to share my experience with.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html

Keep posting! Wishing you the best

MindfulMan

I'm a big believer in psychotherapy, but you definitely need to get sober first. There are also medications that can help ease depression and anxiety.

Personally I'm not a big 12 stepper, but I do attend meetings and they were a HUGE help in early sobriety, AA works for a huge number of people for long term.sobtiety.

MythOfSisyphus

In my case it occurred gradually and there wasn't one definite point where I was "back". In a way it's kind of like the grief and heartbreak from a breakup or the death of a friend. You don't suddenly wake up completely over it but over time it gets better. In a way I feel like getting sober was kind of like a "springtime" in my life. It wasn't a sudden bloom when I got sober, more like a few green shoots popping up through the snow pack and beginning to flower. Sobriety stops being like walking a high wire and more just a part of your life, and over time the joy in the little things returns.

I hope you stick with it, Maggie, and I hope you stay here at SR. There really is hope and life can be so much better when you leave the booze behind.

Zebra1275

You will never get the old "me" back.

Nobody can. You've gotten older, gained additional life experiences, and time has moved on.

As others have said, you will get a new "me." And that one will be older and wiser and will probably have all of the positive characteristics you described. And if you remain sober for a period of time you will gain a serenity and maturity that may surprise you. You will like the new "me" better than the old "me."

But it's going to take time. If you were drinking heavily for a number of years, its going to take several months, or even a few years.

But don't get hung up on that, take it a day at a time. I've been sober over 7 years and I'm still growing. It's a process, not a destination.

And the interesting thing is, others will probably notice changes in you, before you do.