HappyPineapple

I trust y'all are strong, wise and helpful! I'm feeling so ASHAMED of not drinking. I know it's crazy – every forum post and book I read tells me I should be celebrating being sober, but Im not.

Im about month sober now and I'm physically feeling amazing: I'm energetic and way happier than I've been in ages. But...

In my job, I travel a lot. At the moment I'm on a business trip. Usually I would drink a bottle of wine and wake up tomorrow hungover. Now, I sit and read the forums. But I feel so ashamed! I don't trust myself fully yet so yesterday when I checked in, I had to ask the housekeeping to remove all alcohol from the minibar. I was mortified having to ask this! The staff was emotionless and kind – no questions asked, the alcohol was removed. But I still feel so ashamed even walking past the reception!

Have you had these feelings? How did you cope?

tomsteve

sure wish i could help with some personal experience, but ive never been ashamed of not drinking.


can you explain why you feel ashamed?
because ya asked to have the alcohol removed from your room, like many people have done?

Anna

I think it's fairly common to feel shame in the early days. I know I did. What I learned is that the shame wanted to lead me back to drinking. You must try to move on from the shame, focus on the positive. I understand your discomfort in asking housekeeping to remove the alcohol from your room. But, the point is you did what you needed to do to stay sober and that's fantastic! This was a positive experience. And, the time will come when you completely stop noticing the mini-bar in the room.

dwtbd

Orient my thinking around the fact that I don't drink, I choose not to drink, as opposed to the idea that I can't drink. ?
I also realize that others' reactions to My not drinking is practically nonexistent, nobody really cares, why should they? The shame that might be felt is in large part a re-action to what we think others are thinking, and not to be mean or unfeeling but I can't remember a time if I ever wondered if my fellow hotel guests drank.
And staff is only concerned with providing guests the amenities ( including the absence) that each guest prefers.
I suggest your AV is 'making' shame a prominent feeling, so that you will do something about removing its cause, eg drink to remove the shame of not drinking. It sounds like screwed up logic, but right up the AV's alley , yeah ?

Bunny211

I still feel the shame of being an alcoholic who could not manage my drinking. I am told this gets better with time and that I will some day no longer feel this way.

HappyPineapple

Thank you so much for your replies! I can agree: this is my AV talking and causing the shame: making me feel like it's somehow abnormal to not drink and making me feel like a lesser person for asking to remove the alcohol. But boy is it easier for me to sleep, when it's not in the fridge! I hope one day, as you said, I'll be totally fine with the booze in the minibar, but right now I felt like the best thing to do was to ask them to remove it.

It's so amazing how our mind works! I feel like an outsider, when I actually take a look at my own thoughts. I walk past the reception and wonder, that they MUST be looking at me thinking "there goes the alcoholist who asked to remove the alcohol from her minibar". But they probably don't. And even if they do, it's fine. I FEEL like it makes me less professional in my work, it makes me a weak, lesser person. But I KNOW it does not. It's simply AV talking. I'm gonna hang on to this conclusion <3

chiasticslide

I understand where you are coming from. I sometimes worry what people might think if I refuse alcohol, like I'm being rude, etc. However, I bet a lot of this is in my head having been an addict for so long. I just remind myself that it's nothing compared to the shame I'd feel if they saw me staggering in the street in the afternoon or drinking alone in a pub late at night.

joandmelandhan

Happypineapple may I just say what a brilliant idea asking for the acohol to he removed! I'd have gone into a blind panic faced with a stocked mini bar and might not even have thought to do it so that's something to be proud of!
My only real comment about feeling shame oaout your sobriety (apart of course to say it will pass and you'll get more and more proud) is that people really don't even notice these things. The staff in the hotel will have seen it all and probably didn't give it a second thought. Much better that than if you'd drank the lot and puked all over the hotel room!
You are protecting your sobriety in a very high risk situation. I'd say that was pretty amazing!

Caramel

I recall being in a hotel room and eyeing the little fridge like you'd eye a box that might or might not have a snake in it...
I think you were very wise to ask for the alcohol to be removed - end of issue and you were cleverer than I - I wouldn't have thought to ask.
Well done!
As for the staff, I'm sure they wouldn't have given it a thought. Just making room in the fridge for whatever you wanted in there.

Maudcat

You know, you might be surprised how often hotel staff get that request.
I'm sure they were happy to help.
I felt a lot of shame in the early days of sobriety.
I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging.
Fact is, no one cares.
Congratulations on your sobriety.

mecanix

Feeling guilt and shame for no purpose were go to feelings when i was drinking .

Lots of people might not like alcohol in their hotel room , some muslims , buddhists .

As a vegetarian i'd not appreciate animal products in the fridge , i don't feel shame about it, there is more room for things like sparkling water and yummy snacks

As an alcoholic i was obsessed with alcohol and i assumed other people were as well and would remark upon my sobriety, i found out most people don't care or are not bothered , the only people who ever seemed to have an issue were others with an alcohol problem .

Keep on

m

Dee74

Hi Happy Pineapple

I think fear is at the heart of this - fear of being different, fear what other people will think...

I used to think everyone thought about drinking and non drinking as much as I did.

I don't mean this in a harsh way but - the reality is noones thinking about you much at all...

'room 225 wants no alcohol in the minibar'.
..done.

I'm actually proud I got sober. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.

There's nothing weak about recovery.

for a few months I was as terrified of staying sober as not being able to stay sober - but I got comfortable with it

I hope you'll come to be proud & comfortable too HP.

D

MythOfSisyphus

You should be proud of sobriety! I am talking to everyone that is sober, too. As Dee said it's not easy, maybe the hardest undertaking you'll ever commit to. I think the problem is rooted in a perverse attitude our society has towards drinking. It's funny that people can be falling down drunk and making a fool of themselves but no one calls them 'alcoholics' until they decide to quit! That strikes me as nonsensical! The person with the problem isn't the one that's sober- that's totally backwards.

bunnezjp

I felt ashamed early on, too. Remembering all the stupid sh** I did over the years too blacked out to remember. Guilt karma is a witch.

~Bunnez

ChloeRose63

For all they know you could of had the alcohol removed as a precaution because at one time you were charged for something you did not consume.

Berrybean

Even drinkers have the alcohol remved sometimes - if there is no intention of drinking their overpriced stuff why waste the space in the fridge on it. Once that's out you can get some juice or soft drink in there chilling. Or keep some dessert cold!

One of the things I needed to do was to learn that what other people think of me really is none of my business, and to concern myself more with acting with integrity as my aim rather than adapting my behaviour for others expectations. It was tough, but one of the most freeing things I have ever learned.

BB

Della1968

I used to worry about what people think but trust me they are too busy thinking of themselves to give you a second thought.