In my feelings!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
In my feelings!
Hello -
My ex alcoholic left me and moved 5 states away the day after my dad's funeral, this was 6 weeks ago. Although, we have had lots of problems over the last 8 years. I am broken hearted in more ways than one. I feel like I lost two people in the same week.
My ex ABF already has a new girlfriend since has moved back to his hometown. She has been very rude and has been calling me names. Texting me from his phone telling me how much happier he is and how great he is doing. Little does she know that we still talk everyday on the phone on his way to work and on his lunchbreak. He was sober for a few days then he will drink again. She is doing the exact things I use to do, like calling his mom thinking she can do something to fix his problem.
For some odd reason I just want him back. The reasons we started having problems earlier this year were because his drinking was very heavy and I also caught him using other controlled substances, which caused him to be a crazy mad man.
Also, since he has moved back to his hometown he has already gotten a DUI and lost his license.
I want to say he still loves me or he wouldn't be calling and talking to me. I also have been through so much with him like mental breakdowns and rehabs, peeing the bed, AA, Al-Anon, counseling. I just feel like I have experienced all the bad stuff with him and it would totally suck if his new girlfriend gets to reap the benefits if he gets sober.
Sorry, sad and lonely.
My ex alcoholic left me and moved 5 states away the day after my dad's funeral, this was 6 weeks ago. Although, we have had lots of problems over the last 8 years. I am broken hearted in more ways than one. I feel like I lost two people in the same week.
My ex ABF already has a new girlfriend since has moved back to his hometown. She has been very rude and has been calling me names. Texting me from his phone telling me how much happier he is and how great he is doing. Little does she know that we still talk everyday on the phone on his way to work and on his lunchbreak. He was sober for a few days then he will drink again. She is doing the exact things I use to do, like calling his mom thinking she can do something to fix his problem.
For some odd reason I just want him back. The reasons we started having problems earlier this year were because his drinking was very heavy and I also caught him using other controlled substances, which caused him to be a crazy mad man.
Also, since he has moved back to his hometown he has already gotten a DUI and lost his license.
I want to say he still loves me or he wouldn't be calling and talking to me. I also have been through so much with him like mental breakdowns and rehabs, peeing the bed, AA, Al-Anon, counseling. I just feel like I have experienced all the bad stuff with him and it would totally suck if his new girlfriend gets to reap the benefits if he gets sober.
Sorry, sad and lonely.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
I want to say he still loves me or he wouldn't be calling and talking to me. I also have been through so much with him like mental breakdowns and rehabs, peeing the bed, AA, Al-Anon, counseling. I just feel like I have experienced all the bad stuff with him and it would totally suck if his new girlfriend gets to reap the benefits if he gets sober.
So, you want him back because? I guess I'm not understanding the upside of having this person in your life after all the horrible things you described. Sounds to me like he did you a favor by moving away. At any rate, even if he were to embrace recovery there would be no 'reaping of benefits' as you put it. Recovery is a long, time comsuming, energy consuming process that usually doesn't leave a lot of room for romantic relationships in the early going. In fact, a lot of us find that our feelings about people change dramatically once we embrace recovery. Some of us find that our old or existing relationships no longer work, or that we simply don't want relationships anymore and instead choose to focus on making ourselves better people. But it very well could be that he has a long hard road to travel yet before he decides to change, if at all. Best wishes to you.
So, you want him back because? I guess I'm not understanding the upside of having this person in your life after all the horrible things you described. Sounds to me like he did you a favor by moving away. At any rate, even if he were to embrace recovery there would be no 'reaping of benefits' as you put it. Recovery is a long, time comsuming, energy consuming process that usually doesn't leave a lot of room for romantic relationships in the early going. In fact, a lot of us find that our feelings about people change dramatically once we embrace recovery. Some of us find that our old or existing relationships no longer work, or that we simply don't want relationships anymore and instead choose to focus on making ourselves better people. But it very well could be that he has a long hard road to travel yet before he decides to change, if at all. Best wishes to you.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by Jenstiburon 
She is doing the exact things I use to do, like calling his mom thinking she can do something to fix his problem.
I want to say he still loves me or he wouldn't be calling and talking to me. I also have been through so much with him like mental breakdowns and rehabs, peeing the bed, AA, Al-Anon, counseling. I just feel like I have experienced all the bad stuff with him and it would totally suck if his new girlfriend gets to reap the benefits if he gets sober.
Sorry, sad and lonely.
I want to say he still loves me or he wouldn't be calling and talking to me. I also have been through so much with him like mental breakdowns and rehabs, peeing the bed, AA, Al-Anon, counseling. I just feel like I have experienced all the bad stuff with him and it would totally suck if his new girlfriend gets to reap the benefits if he gets sober.
Sorry, sad and lonely.
Have you considered giving yourself a break from contact with him for awhile, allowing yourself some perspective on him and the relationship? You deserve so much more than what you describe here.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Jens, welcome to SR. I've got a "reading assignment" for you--are you up for it?
Part 1, the quick read: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-contact.html
Part 2, for a lot more info: Look over the threads in this section, referred to as "the stickies": http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...find-them.html
Your situation isn't some sort of "contest" between you and New GF to see who wins the prize of an active alcohol, far enough down the drain already to be peeing the bed. However, it's going to take time and education for you to understand that, just like it has for all the rest of us who came here w/some variation of where you're at now.
Hope you stick around and keep reading and posting. There's a lot to learn if you want to.
Part 1, the quick read: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-contact.html
Part 2, for a lot more info: Look over the threads in this section, referred to as "the stickies": http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...find-them.html
Your situation isn't some sort of "contest" between you and New GF to see who wins the prize of an active alcohol, far enough down the drain already to be peeing the bed. However, it's going to take time and education for you to understand that, just like it has for all the rest of us who came here w/some variation of where you're at now.
Hope you stick around and keep reading and posting. There's a lot to learn if you want to.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
My ex and his new soul mate tried to have that kind of adversarial relationship with me, but I refused to allow it. I never answer a phone call from their number, or return a call if they don't leave a voicemail, because all that means is a trip to Crazytown. The only reason I do that much is because my ex and I share a child and I'm required to communicate with him, otherwise I'd have blocked their # years ago.
They need lots of drama to distract her from the smell of urine wafting up from the mattress. I don't. I know when things are going badly for them because the start trying to stir the pot. Second what Hp said above about the contest. My ex's current wife didn't win anything, she got Zonked.
They need lots of drama to distract her from the smell of urine wafting up from the mattress. I don't. I know when things are going badly for them because the start trying to stir the pot. Second what Hp said above about the contest. My ex's current wife didn't win anything, she got Zonked.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
oh dear friend, let him go. let them go. quit talking to the man who treated you poorly, THEN left, THEN got a new girlfriend. he's not a prize. he brings no value to your life, just a lot of sadness and chaos.
live in peace.
live in peace.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, I’m guessing it’s not that you miss the substance crazed mad man, or the peeing in the bed it’s that you don’t want to lose to this other woman. That’s why you are still holding on and allowing yourself to be the other woman, the one who only gets a few phones calls a day while she gets the rest of him, pee in the bed and all. You invested 8 years of your own life to someone who moved on rather quickly to someone else. And it’s that someone else you are at odds with, not the alcoholic cause you are willing to accept crumbs from him in hopes you can lure him back and win. And are at text message odds with her over the crazed mad man.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Jen,
I have a quote from a friend from the Alcoholic side. Its so true. Sending hugs:
"My own feeling is that the new relationship your soon to be ex is currently engaged in is doomed. We alcoholics are rarely, if ever, capable of maintaining our end of healthy relationship while in active addiction. We just don't have the capacity for the honesty and self sacrifice involved to be a part of something greater than ourselves. In other words, don't envy her, whoever she is. Pity her. And be grateful your time is at an end."
I have a quote from a friend from the Alcoholic side. Its so true. Sending hugs:
"My own feeling is that the new relationship your soon to be ex is currently engaged in is doomed. We alcoholics are rarely, if ever, capable of maintaining our end of healthy relationship while in active addiction. We just don't have the capacity for the honesty and self sacrifice involved to be a part of something greater than ourselves. In other words, don't envy her, whoever she is. Pity her. And be grateful your time is at an end."
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