Patmandb

My husband is an alcoholic. I finally told him today that he needs to get out of the house and get help to stop drinking. We had this deal that if he drank again he would leave. Well after a few months on Antabuse he started lying and throwing them out. This isn't the first time. Got drunk last week and found a bottle of vodka hidden. This is so tough on my kids and I. Everything he says changes minute to minute or it seems that way. Now he says he wants a divorce because we want him to get out and get better. Love him more than anything but after many attempts and chances he's back where he was. Ruined my daughters 16 birthday, Christmas, my sons bday he was drunk at too. Everyone says I'm doing the right thing but it's so freakin hard. I married for life but can't keep watching this. Any advice, comments, or questions? Thank you for reading.

KiKi0615

Hi Pat, I'm sorry about what you are going through with your husband. It sounds very hard! If you post this in the "Friends and family of alcoholics" forum I bet you will get LOTS of good advice. Good luck.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Patmandb
You posted in our Chat admin thread, so I moved your post here for more response.

If you want the chat room, you should find the portal marked 'chat' down at the right hand bottom of the page

You'll find a lot of support here - you're not alone

D

dandylion

Paatman.....when you married "for life"......I have a feeling that this is not what you had in mind.......
In a contract, both parties are expected to hold up their end of the bargain...

Sounds like your children are suffering in all of this....
This actually does more damage to the kids than the adults....it impacts their lives for the rest of time....

I know it is hard to make changes....but, that doesn't mean that it is not doable....
There are, literally. thousands of real life stories on this forum....people who have gone through the same thing as you are facing....
If they can do what ever is necessary to return peace to their lives....you absolutely can, too....

Are you currently getting any kind of help and support for yourself?
This is not a path that you should have to walk alone....

Learninganew

For a while, I thought taking Antabuse might be a solution. But I realised that taking a pill didn't make the problem go away. In fact, I still drank when taking it and that caused almighty problems. I'm now convinced that I need a more developed programme of sobriety and I need to commit to it.

SmallButMighty

Pat, I also "married for life".. when I married my exhusband as a starry eyed 20yr girl I had every intention of staying with him for better or for worse, in sickness and in health...yadd yadda yadda... That promise kept me stuck in a very unhealthy relationship to a very unhealthy man for a very long time all the while getting sicker and sicker myself. I can't believe that marriage vows are meant for such a purpose.

You certainly can not fix him.. and you can not fix a broken marriage all by yourself. I tried, and failed miserably at both.

You have a right to be happy in this one life we get to live. Finding happiness with an active addict is darn near impossible. For me, I couldn't trust a word that came out of his mouth. I couldn't respect a man I couldn't trust and ultimately I could not stay married to a man I neither trusted nor respected, no matter how much I loved him.

Best of luck. I hope you stick around here with us.

atalose

NO, he wants a divorce because he does not want to stop drinking and didn’t like you trying to get in the way of that.

Of course it is, no one needs to be living with active alcoholism.

theuncertainty

Hang in there, Pat. You are doing the right thing by asking him to leave because he started drinking again. It's the right thing for you and your kids. If you start to question it, look back at the birthdays and holidays that were ruined for your kids. ((((hugs))))

maia1234

Pat,
I am sorry for your pain, we all understand. I too married for life. We were together for 34 years 26 married. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to live with them or that it is a healthy relationship.

One of our friends from the Alcoholic forum posted this a couple weeks ago. I loved it and copied it. "We alcoholics are rarely, if ever, capable of maintaining our end of healthy relationship while in active addiction. We just don't have the capacity for the honesty and self sacrifice involved to be a part of something greater than ourselves."

Once we realize that they can't "give" us what we need in our marriage, we accept the fact that it is time to move on. Educate yourself, take your time and make calculated decsions. We are here for you, ask away!!