enroutetopeace

I'm recently sober, about 5 days. I've been sober longer before, longest a month I think. But this time around, I'm really trying to stick with sobriety... I can't keep ruining my life. There were some major breaking points recently. I'm a binge drinking alcoholic and I black out every single time, doing things that I would NEVER do if I were sober (very sexual, aggressive, rude, promiscuous, cheating, driving, fighting, self harming) and have lost quite a few friends because of my drinking. My girlfriend recently broke up with me because I crashed my car and got a DUI. I'm at the stage where all I feel is immense guilt and shame in regards to everything I've done, shock, fear... I'm 21, still in college thankfully (although I almost failed out of it because of drinking), and all I want to do is drink to forget all the stories I hear about myself as a blackout, to forget that I lost my girlfriend because of this, to forget the monster personality that comes out when I'm drunk. This is so incredibly hard, and I'm trying my best to not say screw it and grab beer, just to chase away the nerves I'm experiencing. But I'm not going to do it.. it's a vicious spiral. I'm gonna try and stand up to it this time.

Anna

Good for you recognizing that you need to step out of the vicious cycle. The shame and guilt kept me going back to drinking and failing to stop. Have faith that you can do this. You have had problems in your life due to alcohol, but you are young and in school and you can be the person you want to be.

RDBplus3

Hang in There.
My problem was 'I' always relied on that guy Will Power, and he always let me down - sounded tough, and believable, but always went for that ole ... just ONE will be OK. Then One Drink, then that Drink took a Drink, then Will Power was gone and those Drinks got DRUNK.

So, I had to let Will Power go thru some Intensive Training, and now Higher Power works with Will and I am living on the Miracle Side of Sobriety.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U Can B 2

Inchworm

Thank you for posting, enroute. Are there some supports for you in the university community?