I'm recently sober, about 5 days. I've been sober longer before, longest a month I think. But this time around, I'm really trying to stick with sobriety... I can't keep ruining my life. There were some major breaking points recently. I'm a binge drinking alcoholic and I black out every single time, doing things that I would NEVER do if I were sober (very sexual, aggressive, rude, promiscuous, cheating, driving, fighting, self harming) and have lost quite a few friends because of my drinking. My girlfriend recently broke up with me because I crashed my car and got a DUI. I'm at the stage where all I feel is immense guilt and shame in regards to everything I've done, shock, fear... I'm 21, still in college thankfully (although I almost failed out of it because of drinking), and all I want to do is drink to forget all the stories I hear about myself as a blackout, to forget that I lost my girlfriend because of this, to forget the monster personality that comes out when I'm drunk. This is so incredibly hard, and I'm trying my best to not say screw it and grab beer, just to chase away the nerves I'm experiencing. But I'm not going to do it.. it's a vicious spiral. I'm gonna try and stand up to it this time.
