JCNYJ

I've been a closet alcoholic for 4 years. I sneak drinks at the end of the night before bed and I hide empty bottles to get rid of without her noticing.

I want to stop and I do go days or even weeks but if she feels like a casual drink I have one but then go off the rails with way more than I need. I'm ashamed.

Dee74

Hi JCNYJ

I think the best path is always honesty.

Print off and show her this post if you can't put it into words yourself.

D

rainyengland

I'd guess she already knows - you can't hide this sort of stuff

I did exactly the same,my wife used to find the empty bottles hidden,the bottles half filled with water etc etc - she never said anything,the look of disappointment told me all I needed to know but still i played the charade

Be honest if it's bothering you - tell her you have a problem and need help

That's what I did and it got me started on my path

Done4Ever

I agree, she probably knows. Bottles show up no matter how good we think we are at hiding them. Just tell her you don't feel like drinking anymore. I'd bet she's relieved to hear that.

Bananas44

My guess is she will be appreciative of your honesty. Good luck to you.

loulou1981

Be honest, ull need her support. Ive done the same thing to my husband...he's very upset with me but is desperate for me to change. Im certainly gonna need him over the next few days/weeks & hopefully months!

Jules714

I think it's best to come clean but in all honesty she probably already knows.
We act and look different. Speech is not what it should be. We reek of alcohol...its on our breath and comes out of the pores.
It will feel good to fess up and her support will help you tremendously.
GL,
Jules

Mummyto2

Chances are she already knows, I used to think I was the cleverest person in the world at hiding bottles, filling them with water etc just sit down and talk with her and be honest, it will be a weight of your shoulders good luck

MidnightRider

I have to agree with others..
You just need to be honest.

My wife was the first person I told. Although, she "knew" I was getting drunk often. She didn't "know" I had a problem with Addiction.

It was important to educate her on alcoholism ...

ScottFromWI

MidnightRider makes a very good point, your wife already knows something is wrong. It's not possible to be around someone who is an active alcoholic without noticing that things are not right. She may not know that you are an alcoholic and that you want to quit though, so as others have said, just be honest. My wife was the first person I told too and I basically just said that I have a problem with drinking and I want to quit.

atalose

Coming from the family and friends side, I think you need to be honest with yourself first on how you are going to stop. What steps other than announcing you want to stop are you willing to take.

Of course, honesty is always the best policy but hearing the words without actually seeing action can be detrimental to your honesty.

Forward12

I'm sure she's well aware of how much you're drinking. We often think we are sneaky and think our partner's don't know how much we actually are drinking, but they do.
I think the best plan of action is show her, rather than tell her you're serious about sobriety and getting your act together. I'm sure she will be thrilled to no longer find the hidden bottles, breath stinking like booze, and you're daily hour away from home to attend your AA meeting.

Maudcat

Hi, JC. Welcome to SR.
I thought my spouse was clueless about my drinking.
Turns out, no. He wasn't.
Best to be honest, I think.
Good luck.

Verdantia

Welcome JC. I agree with others here-she probably has figured or is figuring it out, and as you continue to drink things will only get worse and harder to conceal. Honesty is best. I urge to to make a plan to stop, and this is an amazing place for advice and support to that end. I wish you strength.

Michelle009

I'll agree with others that your wife probably already knows there is an issue. Us alcoholics always think we are so good at being sneaky and hiding the evidence, but... drunk people are completely oblivious to what they're actually doing! There were nights I'd slug back 6 beers after my SO went to bed and I'd "hide" the bottles "deep" in the trash can. I'd wake up in the morning and see that I'd placed a paper towel or something stupid over them. Oops!

Just be honest. She'll probably be so glad that you're taking the initiative to make positive changes in your life!

NotLuke

If you can, find someone that you can practice your conversation with. Having a plan and experience always helps overcome the anxiety that stops us.