Tough Month for Me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Tough Month for Me
Hi,
Haven't posted in awhile. Things are going ok. I have me and my 2 puppies.
There hasn't been any movement from my STBXAH lawyer. My lawyer sent her a letter expressing our concerns about his late payments with the mortgage and his car loan, both in my name. We also added since it was revealed to the court and us, that my AH wasn't going to be able to refinance, was the house going to be listed or was my AH going to take the 6months given to him my the court to try and refinance. My lawyer requested that if he was going to take the 6 months, we'd like a business plan, or maybe a plan to get a job, so he could refinance. Also we wanted assurance that his sister will continue paying the mortgage.
I continue to sit in limbo, and my life is on hold. Kinda frustrating. I can't even think of moving. Too much debt is in my name, and it appears it's going to remain that way for another 6 months to a year.
Also, I'm not divorced yet! Not sure when that will happen!
This is a really tough month for me, my AH birthday, and our 12th wedding anniversary.
Why do I have so many memories flooding my brain! I would never go back to that abusive man. But then I wonder, when my AH is out with his new girlfriend on our anniversary, will he have any of these memories flooding his brain.
The whole thing is so sad.
I just feel so grateful that I'm no longer in that situation, but it still is very painful!
Thank you for listening!
Z
Haven't posted in awhile. Things are going ok. I have me and my 2 puppies.
There hasn't been any movement from my STBXAH lawyer. My lawyer sent her a letter expressing our concerns about his late payments with the mortgage and his car loan, both in my name. We also added since it was revealed to the court and us, that my AH wasn't going to be able to refinance, was the house going to be listed or was my AH going to take the 6months given to him my the court to try and refinance. My lawyer requested that if he was going to take the 6 months, we'd like a business plan, or maybe a plan to get a job, so he could refinance. Also we wanted assurance that his sister will continue paying the mortgage.
I continue to sit in limbo, and my life is on hold. Kinda frustrating. I can't even think of moving. Too much debt is in my name, and it appears it's going to remain that way for another 6 months to a year.
Also, I'm not divorced yet! Not sure when that will happen!
This is a really tough month for me, my AH birthday, and our 12th wedding anniversary.
Why do I have so many memories flooding my brain! I would never go back to that abusive man. But then I wonder, when my AH is out with his new girlfriend on our anniversary, will he have any of these memories flooding his brain.
The whole thing is so sad.
I just feel so grateful that I'm no longer in that situation, but it still is very painful!
Thank you for listening!
Z
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Zircon
I sorry for what you are going through. I feel your pain
Limbo is a very difficult place to be. Limbo will end at some point
I also have difficulties dealing with the memories. A lot of memories good & bad. Have been brought to the surface after posting my story here & answering questions
I also wonder if she has memories of us. Good or bad. They must have memories of us
I glad you have two puppies to keep you company. I'm sure they bring you happiness & love
I wish you all the best
I sorry for what you are going through. I feel your pain
Limbo is a very difficult place to be. Limbo will end at some point
I also have difficulties dealing with the memories. A lot of memories good & bad. Have been brought to the surface after posting my story here & answering questions
I also wonder if she has memories of us. Good or bad. They must have memories of us
I glad you have two puppies to keep you company. I'm sure they bring you happiness & love
I wish you all the best
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by HardLessons 
Zircon
I sorry for what you are going through. I feel your pain
Limbo is a very difficult place to be. Limbo will end at some point
I also have difficulties dealing with the memories. A lot of memories good & bad. Have been brought to the surface after posting my story here & answering questions
I also wonder if she has memories of us. Good or bad. They must have memories of us
I glad you have two puppies to keep you company. I'm sure they bring you happiness & love
I wish you all the best
I sorry for what you are going through. I feel your pain
Limbo is a very difficult place to be. Limbo will end at some point
I also have difficulties dealing with the memories. A lot of memories good & bad. Have been brought to the surface after posting my story here & answering questions
I also wonder if she has memories of us. Good or bad. They must have memories of us
I glad you have two puppies to keep you company. I'm sure they bring you happiness & love
I wish you all the best
My AH stripped me of everything, but my memories!! We had 14 years together, most very happy! The last 2 years were a nightmare, to the point I no longer recognized this man!
Why do the good memories flood my brain!! I also wonder if my AH every thinks about the 12 good years we had, and the 11 wonderful anniversaries!
I also wonder how a person can move on so quickly to another relationship! I read it a lot here on the forum. After you've spent so much time with someone, how do you forget all the hopes and dreams you once had.
I think it's a matter of value, respect, and trust. These things are no longer important to the alcoholic. All they can think of is the next drink, and will destroy anyone that gets in their way.
Hopefully for you and myself, time will help with the pain, but I know I'll never forget those years.
I just taking one day at a time. Not sure when this will be over, but am grateful and feel blessed I escaped with myself!
Take care of yourself!!
Z
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
if the mortgage is in YOUR name.....why does he get the power to further muck stuff up? doesn't the owner have some leverage? have you perhaps been too acquiescent? if he isn't paying the mortgage, then the loan goes into default.....but he is not the owner.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Z,
I am so sorry... There is nothing more to say but that it sucks. I know that you are feeling the pain of the anniversary. Put it in perspective, would you want him back? You know the hell you lived with him. You would never go back to that awful place.
Keep the faith, you are farther along then you were 2 months ago!! Hugs Z!!!
I am so sorry... There is nothing more to say but that it sucks. I know that you are feeling the pain of the anniversary. Put it in perspective, would you want him back? You know the hell you lived with him. You would never go back to that awful place.
Keep the faith, you are farther along then you were 2 months ago!! Hugs Z!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Zircon, I'm getting ready for work and don't have time for a longer answer, but just wanted to say I've been overcome by memories at times too. I had an especially bad bout of that recently, but as happens so often, The Powers That Be sent me some new learning that is helping me grow into/past that.
Here's a link, and I bumped up the thread too in case it would be helpful to others: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-haunt-us.html
You have indeed had a very hard time, but hang on. Come back to read and post and renew your strength.
Here's a link, and I bumped up the thread too in case it would be helpful to others: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-haunt-us.html
You have indeed had a very hard time, but hang on. Come back to read and post and renew your strength.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Zircon
Hardlessons,
My AH stripped me of everything, but my memories!! We had 14 years together, most very happy! The last 2 years were a nightmare, to the point I no longer recognized this man!
Why do the good memories flood my brain!! I also wonder if my AH every thinks about the 12 good years we had, and the 11 wonderful anniversaries!
I also wonder how a person can move on so quickly to another relationship! I read it a lot here on the forum. After you've spent so much time with someone, how do you forget all the hopes and dreams you once had.
I think it's a matter of value, respect, and trust. These things are no longer important to the alcoholic. All they can think of is the next drink, and will destroy anyone that gets in their way.
Hopefully for you and myself, time will help with the pain, but I know I'll never forget those years.
I just taking one day at a time. Not sure when this will be over, but am grateful and feel blessed I escaped with myself!
Take care of yourself!!
Z
My AH stripped me of everything, but my memories!! We had 14 years together, most very happy! The last 2 years were a nightmare, to the point I no longer recognized this man!
Why do the good memories flood my brain!! I also wonder if my AH every thinks about the 12 good years we had, and the 11 wonderful anniversaries!
I also wonder how a person can move on so quickly to another relationship! I read it a lot here on the forum. After you've spent so much time with someone, how do you forget all the hopes and dreams you once had.
I think it's a matter of value, respect, and trust. These things are no longer important to the alcoholic. All they can think of is the next drink, and will destroy anyone that gets in their way.
Hopefully for you and myself, time will help with the pain, but I know I'll never forget those years.
I just taking one day at a time. Not sure when this will be over, but am grateful and feel blessed I escaped with myself!
Take care of yourself!!
Z
I don't have any good answers to your questions. I am relatively new at trying to answer my own questions.
My relationship wasn't as long as yours. But because of how emotional, intense & crazy it all was it feels to me like a lifetime.
They are addicts & that's what addicts do. I must tell you that I totally dislike saying that. I totally despise reading the post about what addicts do. It makes me sick. But that's is in general the reality.
I just posted this morning on my own thread that I feel I walked away with only my dignity. But your right I also have memories good & bad.
Since I walked away, I stay away from knowing anything she is doing. I know that's just a world of big hurt if I even try to peek at it.
I don't think we are supposed to forget the memories.
Take care Zircon
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Big huge hugs!
The court is not going to court order a third party to pay the mortgage, so I don't think it's possible for you to get that assurance. However, everything else sounds super reasonable.
A day at a time friend! EVENTUALLY, this will be over!
The court is not going to court order a third party to pay the mortgage, so I don't think it's possible for you to get that assurance. However, everything else sounds super reasonable.
A day at a time friend! EVENTUALLY, this will be over!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
I'm really sorry to hear of what you're going through, but glad that it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. My ex started into a new relationship very quickly after we separated, and although I knew I didn't want him back, I was still a little stunned by how quickly he had moved on. I understand it now as "chasing the high". I think it's normal to have both the good and the bad memories coming up around significant anniversaries.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
My own feeling is that the new relationship your soon to be ex is currently engaged in is doomed. We alcoholics are rarely, if ever, capable of maintaining our end of healthy relationship while in active addiction. We just don't have the capacity for the honesty and self sacrifice involved to be a part of something greater than ourselves. In other words, don't envy her, whoever she is. Pity her. And be grateful your time is at an end.
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