How long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
How long
How long until the shame and self hatred goes away? Feel so depressed knowing the position I put myself in, like literally hating myself right now!
I need some hope guys I really do because ive got nothing left inside of me.
When does it get better?
I need some hope guys I really do because ive got nothing left inside of me.
When does it get better?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I read this article over and over in the early days...
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
I found that negative emotions became less frequent with each sober day that I lived and loved well and in a manner of which I could be proud.
Try to remember, that those good days soon become part of your last - a past of which you can be proud.
Try to remember, that those good days soon become part of your last - a past of which you can be proud.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
I also put myself in a bad situation which I am currently suffering from
I know it took years to get to this point. So I'm not expecting to get out of it quickly
Before his first fight with George foreman. Mohamed Ali was very much the underdog & was expected to get knocked out. Up to that point George was destroying everyone
A reporter asked Mohamed. Why he thought he could win? Mohamed reply was "my god is the god of the universe & all things are possible"
Mohammed Ali knocked out George foreman in that fight it was as a huge upset
Maybe ask for help. from your higher power? I am asking for help from mine
Wish you the best
I know it took years to get to this point. So I'm not expecting to get out of it quickly
Before his first fight with George foreman. Mohamed Ali was very much the underdog & was expected to get knocked out. Up to that point George was destroying everyone
A reporter asked Mohamed. Why he thought he could win? Mohamed reply was "my god is the god of the universe & all things are possible"
Mohammed Ali knocked out George foreman in that fight it was as a huge upset
Maybe ask for help. from your higher power? I am asking for help from mine
Wish you the best
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
After a few months my brain started to get back on track. I started to like who I was and proud of myself, and my sobriety. Sometimes when I think of the past I do feel a little shame. I have to remind myself that I am not that person anymore. It was never really me. Now I try to be a good person. Try to do good things for those around me. I am slowly replacing my past with the positive things i do daily. Like Dee says you cant change a second of the past but we have full control the future. Please take care of yourself and I believe all things will get better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Me thinks there are quite a lot of variables there! While I was drinking I was plagued with self loathing and hatred. I did slowly get better. After about a year of sobriety I started feeling better about myself. Everyone is different tho
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
I really struggled too. I felt like everything good I had believed about myself was false. It takes time and it takes a conscious desire to forgive yourself over and over again, if needed. Journaling helped me. It seemed that writing the words on paper took away some of their power. You can get through this!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Chilled, I am going to be honest with you.
Shame and self-hatred don't go away on their own.
You have to work to make them go away.
You have to fight for every sober day like your life depends on it.
Higher Power aside, there is another quote from Mohammed Ali "I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'
Was it higher power or that he never quit training even though it was tough - go figure.
The point is - you have to fight for yourself until you start feeling better.
If you do this - then there is hope. Definitely. Absolutely.
Start now. Never look back. Don't quit when things get tough. Be a champion.
Shame and self-hatred don't go away on their own.
You have to work to make them go away.
You have to fight for every sober day like your life depends on it.
Higher Power aside, there is another quote from Mohammed Ali "I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'
Was it higher power or that he never quit training even though it was tough - go figure.
The point is - you have to fight for yourself until you start feeling better.
If you do this - then there is hope. Definitely. Absolutely.
Start now. Never look back. Don't quit when things get tough. Be a champion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue 
Chilled, I am going to be honest with you.
Shame and self-hatred don't go away on their own.
You have to work to make them go away.
You have to fight for every sober day like your life depends on it.
Higher Power aside, there is another quote from Mohammed Ali "I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'
Was it higher power or that he never quit training even though it was tough - go figure.
The point is - you have to fight for yourself until you start feeling better.
If you do this - then there is hope. Definitely. Absolutely.
Start now. Never look back. Don't quit when things get tough. Be a champion.
Shame and self-hatred don't go away on their own.
You have to work to make them go away.
You have to fight for every sober day like your life depends on it.
Higher Power aside, there is another quote from Mohammed Ali "I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'
Was it higher power or that he never quit training even though it was tough - go figure.
The point is - you have to fight for yourself until you start feeling better.
If you do this - then there is hope. Definitely. Absolutely.
Start now. Never look back. Don't quit when things get tough. Be a champion.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
hey,chilled, good question and im in the same opinion midnightBlue. i highly doubt if i would have gotten rid of the shame and guilt without action.
i also highly doubt i wouldnt have repeated it if i didnt.( did i phrase that right?).
i was suffering from serious gloom,dispair, and agony mixed in with a huge heapin servin of self pity the day after my last drunk.
and i got into action real quick-started lookin why i was who i was and the causes and conditions over EVERYTHING from my past.
it took T.I.M.E.
but eventually the gloom,dispair, agony, shame and guilt left.
with the added benefit of the mental obsession of drink leaving,too.
it was about 6 months before i made it a full 24 hours without even thinkin about a drink and lovin myself
i also highly doubt i wouldnt have repeated it if i didnt.( did i phrase that right?).
i was suffering from serious gloom,dispair, and agony mixed in with a huge heapin servin of self pity the day after my last drunk.
and i got into action real quick-started lookin why i was who i was and the causes and conditions over EVERYTHING from my past.
it took T.I.M.E.
but eventually the gloom,dispair, agony, shame and guilt left.
with the added benefit of the mental obsession of drink leaving,too.
it was about 6 months before i made it a full 24 hours without even thinkin about a drink and lovin myself
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Yesterday morning, I was at work and I suddenly remembered an embarrassing drunk email I had sent to someone I had no business sending this particular email to..and I felt that intense dread in the pit of my stomach, why did I do that, he's got to think I'm crazy, who did he tell about it, and around and around.. and then suddenly it hit me: I already did this. I sent the email last year, I had that omg what have I done moment, I've done this already and it's over, it's been over for some time, so why am I putting myself through this again?
I can't do anything about what I've done in the past except try to make it up to myself by abstaining from alcohol, making better choices, taking care of the things in my life I avoid while drinking, accomplishing things I can be proud of, starting new sober, healthy relationships and creating new memories with those people. In short, I make up for my past mistakes by choosing sobriety. It takes time but eventually you add more good stuff to your life and the scales at least even out, and then it is just a matter of choosing what you want to spend your energy focusing on.
Easier said than done, it takes time.
You are not a bad person.
I can't do anything about what I've done in the past except try to make it up to myself by abstaining from alcohol, making better choices, taking care of the things in my life I avoid while drinking, accomplishing things I can be proud of, starting new sober, healthy relationships and creating new memories with those people. In short, I make up for my past mistakes by choosing sobriety. It takes time but eventually you add more good stuff to your life and the scales at least even out, and then it is just a matter of choosing what you want to spend your energy focusing on.
Easier said than done, it takes time.
You are not a bad person.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Chilledice
How long until the shame and self hatred goes away? Feel so depressed knowing the position I put myself in, like literally hating myself right now!
I need some hope guys I really do because ive got nothing left inside of me.
When does it get better?
I need some hope guys I really do because ive got nothing left inside of me.
When does it get better?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
I think I personally want to do some service work of some kind. I need to begin stacking up some things I am proud of doing, things I am glad that I can contribute. My sense is that it will help me gain perspective on my worth and right to a place in this world...even now, even though "whatever" is in my past. I don't think we should or ought to wait to have years of sobriety before beginning to give back.
Thoughts? Thanks for the post, chilledice.
Thoughts? Thanks for the post, chilledice.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Sobriety is like driving down the highway at 60 mph and suddenly slamming on the brakes. All the jazz in the back seat come flying forward and I am not sure how to deal with it.
Day by day though we find a way. I make amends over time where possible - when impossible or inappropriate I make living amends to those I come in contact with. I do that by staying sober.
Service to others is huge. It's not the what we get done - ie, passing out smoke alarms for the red cross, helping at a food bank - it is simply getting outside of ourselves. Drinking is among the most selfish acts I ever committed. Helping others is the door of gratitude opened for sobriety and puts balance back in my life and fan the flame of the spirit.
When I am doing for others, I rarely think of myself
Day by day though we find a way. I make amends over time where possible - when impossible or inappropriate I make living amends to those I come in contact with. I do that by staying sober.
Service to others is huge. It's not the what we get done - ie, passing out smoke alarms for the red cross, helping at a food bank - it is simply getting outside of ourselves. Drinking is among the most selfish acts I ever committed. Helping others is the door of gratitude opened for sobriety and puts balance back in my life and fan the flame of the spirit.
When I am doing for others, I rarely think of myself
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy
Sobriety is like driving down the highway at 60 mph and suddenly slamming on the brakes. All the jazz in the back seat come flying forward and I am not sure how to deal with it.
Day by day though we find a way. I make amends over time where possible - when impossible or inappropriate I make living amends to those I come in contact with. I do that by staying sober.
Service to others is huge. It's not the what we get done - ie, passing out smoke alarms for the red cross, helping at a food bank - it is simply getting outside of ourselves. Drinking is among the most selfish acts I ever committed. Helping others is the door of gratitude opened for sobriety and puts balance back in my life and fan the flame of the spirit.
When I am doing for others, I rarely think of myself
Day by day though we find a way. I make amends over time where possible - when impossible or inappropriate I make living amends to those I come in contact with. I do that by staying sober.
Service to others is huge. It's not the what we get done - ie, passing out smoke alarms for the red cross, helping at a food bank - it is simply getting outside of ourselves. Drinking is among the most selfish acts I ever committed. Helping others is the door of gratitude opened for sobriety and puts balance back in my life and fan the flame of the spirit.
When I am doing for others, I rarely think of myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy
Sobriety is like driving down the highway at 60 mph and suddenly slamming on the brakes. All the jazz in the back seat come flying forward and I am not sure how to deal with it.
Day by day though we find a way. I make amends over time where possible - when impossible or inappropriate I make living amends to those I come in contact with. I do that by staying sober.
Service to others is huge. It's not the what we get done - ie, passing out smoke alarms for the red cross, helping at a food bank - it is simply getting outside of ourselves. Drinking is among the most selfish acts I ever committed. Helping others is the door of gratitude opened for sobriety and puts balance back in my life and fan the flame of the spirit.
When I am doing for others, I rarely think of myself
Day by day though we find a way. I make amends over time where possible - when impossible or inappropriate I make living amends to those I come in contact with. I do that by staying sober.
Service to others is huge. It's not the what we get done - ie, passing out smoke alarms for the red cross, helping at a food bank - it is simply getting outside of ourselves. Drinking is among the most selfish acts I ever committed. Helping others is the door of gratitude opened for sobriety and puts balance back in my life and fan the flame of the spirit.
When I am doing for others, I rarely think of myself
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Chilledice 
The only real cure I know is time.
That and maybe 'living amends' - I tried to make a difference in the world around me, every day, as a kind of atonement for the things I felt shame or regret about.
After a while my focus become doing good things, not beating myself up for things I cannot change.
Todays the only day we can really do anything about.
It would be a shame to miss things happening today cos we had our back turned looking back at yesterday.
D
The only real cure I know is time.
That and maybe 'living amends' - I tried to make a difference in the world around me, every day, as a kind of atonement for the things I felt shame or regret about.
After a while my focus become doing good things, not beating myself up for things I cannot change.
Todays the only day we can really do anything about.
It would be a shame to miss things happening today cos we had our back turned looking back at yesterday.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Chilledice
The only real cure I know is time.
That and maybe 'living amends' - I tried to make a difference in the world around me, every day, as a kind of atonement for the things I felt shame or regret about.
After a while my focus become doing good things, not beating myself up for things I cannot change.
Todays the only day we can really do anything about.
It would be a shame to miss things happening today cos we had our back turned looking back at yesterday.
D
The only real cure I know is time.
That and maybe 'living amends' - I tried to make a difference in the world around me, every day, as a kind of atonement for the things I felt shame or regret about.
After a while my focus become doing good things, not beating myself up for things I cannot change.
Todays the only day we can really do anything about.
It would be a shame to miss things happening today cos we had our back turned looking back at yesterday.
D
I arrived at sobriety with a good few decades of humiliating episodes on my conscience, and I wanted to sort them all out all at once, or manage to find a way to forget them am completely, depending on the moment. People said things to me like "just keep it in the day" and "just do the next right thing" and "just dont take the first drink and everything will get better." I truly wanted to punch them (but guessed that probably wasn't the next right thing). Turned out they were right, but for me personally it really helped to have a sponsor and work the 12-step program to learn what my part was (and was not) in my past, and how to move forward from this, clearing away the wreckage and not creating any more.
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