captainkitty

Hi all. I've read a lot of posts on here and a lot of it is making me depressed. I got on here because I have no family or no close friends. I've been drinking heavily almost daily either due to lonliness, complete isolation and anxiety just to knock my self out. The real me is pretty fun, out going, very caring, but when I really needed support no one cared. Being a caring person it upset me so much and make me resentful and angry. Maybe I've just been unlucky with the people I have known but I could relate so many accounts of just reaching out to chat, say that I just need some company, that I keep abusing my self with alcohol due to my isolation. For 5 years, every day alone, every birthday and holiday alone.. it will drive a person insane.
Any way I decided I can't keep punishing my self just because I have no one who cares or even knows I exist. I am getting healthy and taking tons of supplements for my adrenal and nervous system. I'm hope to feel more motivated soon but I'm scared I will relapse due to sheer isolation. I'm hesitant to go to AA as I have a bad history of taking on other people's problems and letting that take up most of my time and energy... I just can't believe this is my life...it almost doesn't seem real.

Maudcat

Hi, captainkitty. Welcome to SR.
I'm glad that you have decided to change things up in your life.
Alcohol doesn't help anything, not in long run.
I volunteer at an organization that I respect and enjoy.
I have met many good people there.
Just a thought.

Berrybean

Hiya. Welcome. Glad you found your way here.

Chances are when you first go to AA you'd be more on the receiving end of help than giving it, so that's no real reason to not go. And even if you decide not to go to AA, there are plenty of other ways you could approach recovery.

Some of the things you say in your post make me wonder if there could be some underlying codependency issues as well. Many people I've met have been double winners as far as alcohol and codependency are concerned (me being one of them), and it can out us in a painful place until we alter our perspective. For me the 12-step program was instrumental in this, but I'm sure others can tell you what helped them.

I'd suggest reading through Dees thread about making a plan. It's a good un....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

2ndhandrose

Welcome, captainkitty (awesome username )

I hope you will come to see the kind and generous spirit that embodies this site.

There are lots of struggles but the support and the 'no one left behind' mentality is a beautiful thing to behold.

I hope to "see" you around

captainkitty

Yes, Berry Bean I am defiantly Co depentenant as well as being HSP highly sensitive person

Berrybean

There are some really helpful books that I read. One was the CoDa handbook (I've been to some of their meeting as well, but they're quite hard for me to get to). That handbook gave me lots of OMG!!!! OF COURSE... moments. The other that I was recommended on here is Codependent No More. Worth checking those out if you haven't already.

Are you still drinking now?

BB

least

Welcome to the family! I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

captainkitty

I'd actually forgotten that I was Co dependent lol..but I defiantly am . At least it all makes sense. Thank you.

Bobbieka

Welcome to SR. No need to get depressed reading our stories. There is a lot of success on here as well.

Glad you are here. Hugs.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us and decided to post. It's good you've decided to take care of yourself because you are the best person to do that. Please continue to read and post.

Berrybean

The most important thing is that recovery can apply to this just as much as our drinking. So much has changed for me in the last three years. Mostly on the inside. The world looks very different to me now. There is so much hope. Honest x

2muchpain

There are many people here that can relate to what you are going through. Stay connected to SR and you will soon find out just how many friends you have. Nice to meet you. John

Dee74

Again, welcome Captain Kitty

D

Hevyn

Welcome to an encouraging & friendly place, Captain.

Forward12

AA is what you make it, and as a newcomer, you won't be taking on others problems, if anything, they will reach out to you to help you along your journey.
It's worth giving it a shot and you really have nothing to lose.
Otherwise if you prefer a more one on one situation, there are addiction therapists to look into.

Beedebea

This is a great place to start. Welcome!