skyleh

I feel like I am losing my mind...I am so distraut anymore I can't stand it. Then I read some of the other stories and think that I am weak and not strong enough...but I can't be stronger..I can't stay and It is so hard to leave.

In 4 days my son and I will be leaving our home and driving over 2000 miles to our new home..well my parents home....the home I grew up in. I thank god everyday that they are there that i have somewhere to go.

My AH and I have this love hate relationship going on....well thats me anyway..I think he loves me too...but he definitly loves that alcohol more..and I tried to come inbetween that and so he seems to be letting me go and he is busy finding a replacement.

Today I cried in my office for a good 45 minutes...I really thought I was coming to terms with it all. Understanding that he has a disease and his disease is more important than me or any of his kids.....and also that he was going to be with other woman..because they gave him the "support" he needed in keeping his disease happy..besides his physical needs...he lies like he drinks...and I can not live like that...but it hurts that I can be so easily replaced in his life...that our hopes and dreams do not matter anymore.....

I ask my HP to help me...I know leaving is right....I know I want a better life...I grew up with a loving family..one where you did not have to "beg" for attention and love....even a smile...a hug...it was all there...

Sometimes we can talk rationally about all of this...be a comfort to each other...but the strong one so the other one can break down...but then he goes out with HER.....and stays out all night and continues to drink and smoke...and it hurts...Then he whines because my son is leaving with me and so he is losing both of us...those are his words...but his actions show that he is having the time of his life...and it hurts....

Thank you for being here...thank you for letting me ramble...

Gabe

That is one of the worst kinds of hurt. When someone who is supposed to love you and cherish you sends their attention everywhere but towards you.
Really, what he's doing is paying attention to him and his needs. And you are caught in the crossfire.
You're doing the right thing.
You shouldn't have to beg for attention and love.
You are making a move towards a healthier life for you and your son.
I know that seems hard and impossible now.
But it will get better with time.
I wish you well on the start of a new chapter in your life.
Try to think of it as a beginning instead of an ending.
Hugs,
Gabe

redrose0729

I can relate somewhat to what you are going through that someone who is supposed to love you and feeling like you have to chase them down for any affection or comfort, and when you get it is when they want to or at their convience. My now ex-boyfriend was that way in the end I felt love starved and it hurts. You can make it through this lean on your HP and turn it all over to him and things will turn out for the best. I know thats not easy just take it one day at a time. I wish I had more words of comfort for you. Just wanted to let you know I understand.
Rose

JessicaNAJ

When I asked my AH to move out - it was hard, but I dealt with it and stood my ground because I knew I deserved better. For two months he stayed until he found a place. The day he left, I begged him to stay. I told him I didn't want our family to be broken. I told him we can do this together. I cried for two days. Fortunately for me my HP snapped me out of my depression via my busy life....lol

Him leaving has been the best thing that has happened to me. I've learned alot about myself. I'm growing as a person. I'm slowly, with help of this group, getting better.

I don't cry over him not being here anymore and I never did miss him not being here. I still cry when I feel him pushing me and my family aside. But then I tell myself, I'm better than that and I'm not going down with him.

You are doing the right thing. I'm sure you are very scared of the change - change is a scary thing. I try to think of all my obstacles as being a way of my HP making me a stronger person so I can handle bigger obstacles when they come my way.

You will be okay - keep the focus on you.

journeygal

(((((Skyleh)))))

I could have written just about every word of your post. I'm going through the exact same thing and it does hurt to think someone who professes to love you is in fact giving his love to someone else, not to mention the whole substance abuse problem.

Some days are better than others and like you I know that leaving is the best choice for me. It just hurts that it has come to this, after everything we've been through.

Tell you what - I'll pray for you if you pray for me, ok?

Hugs,
JG

splendra

(((((skyleh)))))

I think you are being very strong. Man oh man that stuff hurts....I know..... I pray that your broken heart can find some comfort. You don't deserve that cr@p. I admire you for letting go and trying to get your life back on track!!! Good Job.

Ann

Skyleh

Leaving a relationship causes grief, just like death does, and maybe more sometimes when you feel betrayed on top of everything else. There is no easy way out of this, no painfree solution, I wish there were.

Sometimes it is just time to go, and that means unfulfilled dreams, broken promises and a whole lot of sadness.

It's okay to cry and grieve, it's okay to feel really bad about what might have been and what is. It takes time to heal, but I promise that one day at a time your life will become livable again. It just takes time.

Hugs and Prayers
Ann

Bambi

I am so sorry for your pain (((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))) You can do this, I know it hurts to the core. Take everything slow, a second, minute, hour, at a time. Your not alone!

SJW

Aw, honey, what a load of pain there is in your post! You've received lots of good advice and encouragement from others, though.

I agree about the grief thing, and I sometimes think it would be easier to deal with if they were dead instead of just gone! At least then you wouldn't waste your time wondering what they were doing and if they were having a better time of it than you are! Crying is a healthy, natural reaction to pain. Go ahead and have a good cry. It helps release tension, and you're feeling lots of tension.

I'm glad you and your kids have a place to go where you will get help and support. You deserve some tender, loving care.

I am going to school to be a nurse and so sometimes I think in medical terms about non-medical things. When I read your post, I thought that it is sometimes easier to yank the bandage off quickly and get the pain over with fast, than to pull it off slowly and make the pain last longer! It's gonna hurt either way, so why prolong the agony!

Best of luck to you and your kids as you begin a new chapter in your life. The best is yet to be!

SJW

skyleh

Deal...
I pray for all of us in love with an Alcoholic and/or drug addict.

skyleh

Thank you EVERYONE for your kind and encouraging words and support....I know leaving is right for us. My AH is no where near the point of stoping and seems to be "enjoying" his life right now. I don't want to watch him die and I don't want to watch myself die inside.

thank you again...I wish you all the best of everything!!!

Rose56

Skyleh, I add my prayers and hugs to all the rest. You are strong, strength takes different forms. Sometimes being strong means being willing to face the pain, the disappointment, the loss, and then moving forward(instead of trying to hide from the pain with substances or other distractions). You are strong. And God has a plan for you. You can do it, and guess what? You can take us with you. We will be there for you as you make this transition. (((((((((((Skyleh))))))))))))))))

Magichappens

Skyleh,
There is nothing that I can say to stop the hurt. I can only offer you my support and prayers. Grieving a relationship is part of moving forward. Sharing it and not bottling it up will help you get through it and begin healing. Take care and keep sharing. Hugs, Magic

kfa2004

Skyleh,
I also could have written your post. My AH left our two wonderful kids and I for the OW and it still hurts. They say that time helps heal and that time makes things better, for me it is happening very slowly. I can go days now without crying over him and the life we could have had, but I still miss him every day. I still feel the pain of the hurt and betrayal. We can all pray for each other.
Hugs, Be good to yourself and your kids.
Kat

skyleh

Well...I believe all of your prayers have helped me through the hurdle of emotions this time..that day I felt like I was drowning :sink and now I feel like I can make it . Thanks to all of your and your support.

You know this mane never stops amazing me with his gall....I am giving a final to my college students tonight and it will take a good two hours..or more..and he has our son..he wants to drop him off hee so that he can go to his band practice.... Hello...We are leaving in TWO days...his BIG band show is not for another WEEK....cant he not be so DAMN concerned about the show and just stay home with our son so I can get done what I need to get done....I am ANGRY about that. It is always about HIM and what HE NEEDs to do...not about the rest of us.

I did not say anything to him regarding this..I wanted to say so where are your priorities...NOT LIKE he is going to be a rock star...BUT he is a father. But whats the point of saying anything he just turns it around on me.

OK done venting...Thanks for your support

Petunia

Skyleh,

Good morning and I hope that you are continuing to feel grounded (best word I could come up with because better seemed so lame). Just a thought - don't be surprised if your A pretends and acts like your not leaving up until the moment you leave. Remember they live in a world of self-hatred and will pretend that nothing is wrong to avoid dealing with life.

I wish you and your son a safe trip. Enjoy the fall colors and do something for yourself tonight. You definitely deserve it.

Peace,
Petunia

skyleh

OH yeah...this is his life...going around with blinders on.......He says he has been staying away from the house to not been faced with it all...and of course last night he came home and was ANGRY because of the stuff that was gone from the movers coming...its crazy..but yeah..I know he will be slammed with it all when I do finally leave.

Thanks again

Peaches04

Hi (((((((((Skyleh))))))))))...I am so sorry - you can see all the love and support we have for you from all our posts! This is so painful. You are doing the right thing - the right thing for you. When I was thinking about asking my AH to leave, I was so confident and so secure and at peace with my decision, but then I started thinking "oh my God! what about other women...and envisioning that...and it just completely took me out of my peaceful state. I had to teach myself to STOP doing that...it was only hurting me and messing up my clarity in my decision.
The other women are just diversions so he can keep from dealing with his own pain. It is no reflection on you....they enable him to continue in his addiction. They are tools to him - you will not be that anymore. You are worth more and so is your child. Be confident that you are doing the right thing, for you. If he doesn't want to get healthy and he wants to continue a life in misery and denial - that's his choice.
So, I guess what I am saying is just do not focus on the other women...that will only bring you misery and self doubt.
I have MAJOR trust issues and issues of rejection - although I am very self confident. So, when I let myself obsess and think about the possibility of another woman - I just get anxious and don't think clearly. When I catch this behavior and realize that I am the best woman he could possibly have - then I pull it together and try to not even think about - it's a waste of time. He married you - he knows how great you are - he just chooses the easier way out for him now. You are a treasure...that unfortunately, he may lose... and that's a shame, for HIM... Hugs to you sweetie!

cwohio

skyleh - what a brave woman you are to have made a decision and sticking by it! you are awesome and good things await you! support and prayers for a safe journey!

cwohio

Anguished

Skyleh,

First of all, here is a huge ((((((HUG)))))).

I'm not sure if you realize but you are a true inspiration to a lot of us here. (You are a huge role model to me) I personally feel soo trapped in my life with my ABF and here I look at you - Doing what you need to do despite all the pain. God, I wish I wish I wish I had your strength.

Good luck this weekend. We're all behind you!

Anguished