Normals
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 157
Normals
Hi all,
I'm doing great, coming up on six months sober, and feeling so much better, day by day things are getting better. One problem I keep running into is people outside of AA, the normals, the Joe and Jane social drinkers.
Not all of them, but some when I say "no thank you, I'm an alcoholic " I get one if two reactions.
1) not even beer?
2) ummm....oh I'm sorry (walk away quickly or change subject and then walk away).
My wife is very social and we get invited to a lot of events (well she does and I go along) I just find it funny if I was diabetic and offered cake no one would say, not even pie?
How can alcohol be so socially acceptable but alcoholism socially awkward?
Anyway it doesn't really bother me I mostly just find it curious, my wife suggested I just quit telling people I'm alcoholic, and just say no thank you...but why should I? I'm not ashamed of it and putting that shame on it, stops people from seeking help. Well my thoughts for a Sunday morning.
Hope everyone is well, I read here daily just don't post too often.
Ya all take care of yourselves and each other.
Mick
I'm doing great, coming up on six months sober, and feeling so much better, day by day things are getting better. One problem I keep running into is people outside of AA, the normals, the Joe and Jane social drinkers.
Not all of them, but some when I say "no thank you, I'm an alcoholic " I get one if two reactions.
1) not even beer?
2) ummm....oh I'm sorry (walk away quickly or change subject and then walk away).
My wife is very social and we get invited to a lot of events (well she does and I go along) I just find it funny if I was diabetic and offered cake no one would say, not even pie?
How can alcohol be so socially acceptable but alcoholism socially awkward?
Anyway it doesn't really bother me I mostly just find it curious, my wife suggested I just quit telling people I'm alcoholic, and just say no thank you...but why should I? I'm not ashamed of it and putting that shame on it, stops people from seeking help. Well my thoughts for a Sunday morning.
Hope everyone is well, I read here daily just don't post too often.
Ya all take care of yourselves and each other.
Mick
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Morning, Mick.
I have found (and my also in recovery fiance and I were just talking about this yesterday) that different answers fit different people/situations. Sometimes I just say "no thanks" and change the subject or just keep going on because it is a normal answer- and as I can hear my first sponsor saying, "no is a complete sentence" and "you never owe anyone an explanation." I do believe that last one especially.
It is not my business nor my responsibility how others respond. I am now fully "out" in public because I wrote a blog post in the first person and because I now lead a restaurant-industry recovery group here in Atlanta. It's not AA affiliated (which is my chosen program) so there's no anonymity.
Keep going- do what feels ok to you as you go along (which I find as do others can change over time) and be proud of your efforts. I believe that recovery is the path of the warrior and the hero and those of us who maintain our sobriety are examples of living a good life that triumphs over a deadly disease every day.
I have found (and my also in recovery fiance and I were just talking about this yesterday) that different answers fit different people/situations. Sometimes I just say "no thanks" and change the subject or just keep going on because it is a normal answer- and as I can hear my first sponsor saying, "no is a complete sentence" and "you never owe anyone an explanation." I do believe that last one especially.
It is not my business nor my responsibility how others respond. I am now fully "out" in public because I wrote a blog post in the first person and because I now lead a restaurant-industry recovery group here in Atlanta. It's not AA affiliated (which is my chosen program) so there's no anonymity.
Keep going- do what feels ok to you as you go along (which I find as do others can change over time) and be proud of your efforts. I believe that recovery is the path of the warrior and the hero and those of us who maintain our sobriety are examples of living a good life that triumphs over a deadly disease every day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by August252015 
Morning, Mick.
I have found (and my also in recovery fiance and I were just talking about this yesterday) that different answers fit different people/situations. Sometimes I just say "no thanks" and change the subject or just keep going on because it is a normal answer- and as I can hear my first sponsor saying, "no is a complete sentence" and "you never owe anyone an explanation." I do believe that last one especially.
It is not my business nor my responsibility how others respond. I am now fully "out" in public because I wrote a blog post in the first person and because I now lead a restaurant-industry recovery group here in Atlanta. It's not AA affiliated (which is my chosen program) so there's no anonymity.
Keep going- do what feels ok to you as you go along (which I find as do others can change over time) and be proud of your efforts. I believe that recovery is the path of the warrior and the hero and those of us who maintain our sobriety are examples of living a good life that triumphs over a deadly disease every day.
I have found (and my also in recovery fiance and I were just talking about this yesterday) that different answers fit different people/situations. Sometimes I just say "no thanks" and change the subject or just keep going on because it is a normal answer- and as I can hear my first sponsor saying, "no is a complete sentence" and "you never owe anyone an explanation." I do believe that last one especially.
It is not my business nor my responsibility how others respond. I am now fully "out" in public because I wrote a blog post in the first person and because I now lead a restaurant-industry recovery group here in Atlanta. It's not AA affiliated (which is my chosen program) so there's no anonymity.
Keep going- do what feels ok to you as you go along (which I find as do others can change over time) and be proud of your efforts. I believe that recovery is the path of the warrior and the hero and those of us who maintain our sobriety are examples of living a good life that triumphs over a deadly disease every day.
Mick
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
The main reason I don't say no thanks I'm an alcoholic is that it's really not all about me, and that would make me the centre of attention, lol.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, or maybe I'm just inherently aghast at the idea of making myself the center of attention.
I understand others have more muscular approaches but no thanks works just fine for me and suits the no drama way I like to run my life.
I have to consider my wife too.
She married me, not a professional alcoholic, y'know?
.
D
Maybe it's a cultural thing, or maybe I'm just inherently aghast at the idea of making myself the center of attention.
I understand others have more muscular approaches but no thanks works just fine for me and suits the no drama way I like to run my life.
I have to consider my wife too.
She married me, not a professional alcoholic, y'know?
.D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Sobersville, USA
Posts: 159
I generally just say that I do not drink. Some small-minded individuals might smirk or be contemptuous, but most are pretty understanding. At least that's been my experience.
With closer friends I am more honest. Again, almost all have been completely supportive. The ones who aren't were never very good friends in the first place, the way I see it.
One problem is, if you've "tried" to quit numerous times, people tend to become skeptical, and who can blame them? I talk openly with others who have had drug or alcohol dependency problems, and I keep it my private business to most others I meet.
With closer friends I am more honest. Again, almost all have been completely supportive. The ones who aren't were never very good friends in the first place, the way I see it.
One problem is, if you've "tried" to quit numerous times, people tend to become skeptical, and who can blame them? I talk openly with others who have had drug or alcohol dependency problems, and I keep it my private business to most others I meet.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"my wife suggested I just quit telling people I'm alcoholic, and just say no thank you...but why should I? "
and why should you tell them youre an alcoholic? maybe a little pride and ego comin into play?
just because i had a serious drinking problem doesnt mean i deserve a pat on the back or kudos for living the way i should have my entire life
and why should you tell them youre an alcoholic? maybe a little pride and ego comin into play?
just because i had a serious drinking problem doesnt mean i deserve a pat on the back or kudos for living the way i should have my entire life
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Addiction is nothing funny to laugh at,
make fun of or take lightly. It's so serious
and is nothing new because its been around
for as long as we can imagine.
Once my family placed me into the hands
of those capable of teaching me about my
addiction to alcohol and was taught and
given the gift of a recovery program to
incorporate in all my affairs, I accepted it,
embraced it and use it as my everyday
armor to fight off the forces of people,
places and things associated with alcohol
or drugs.
From the beginning I learned how to
protect myself, my recovery and sobriety
all to be the best of my human ability. With
all those important tools and information
ive received over the yrs I now know what
I can and cant do to help me live a more
heathy, happy, honest way of life.
I don't need to be uncomfortable in
recovery. If there is a social situation
happening where alcohol is flowing
freely then I have a choice to stay away
or not go. That way I don't have to
explain why i am not drinking poison.
I got sick and tired trying to explain
why i couldn't or didn't want to drink
that i eventually learned that i didn't
have to. There was no way to make
folks understand or change them and
merely accept those folks just as they
are and let them have their own thoughts
and opinions.
I don't need to explain myself to anyone
as long as i am self assured in knowing
that without a doubt i have an addiction
to alcohol and i have no control over it.
I do however have control over my
own recovery program and life and
that is keeping it simple, stress free,
honest, and with acceptance.
make fun of or take lightly. It's so serious
and is nothing new because its been around
for as long as we can imagine.
Once my family placed me into the hands
of those capable of teaching me about my
addiction to alcohol and was taught and
given the gift of a recovery program to
incorporate in all my affairs, I accepted it,
embraced it and use it as my everyday
armor to fight off the forces of people,
places and things associated with alcohol
or drugs.
From the beginning I learned how to
protect myself, my recovery and sobriety
all to be the best of my human ability. With
all those important tools and information
ive received over the yrs I now know what
I can and cant do to help me live a more
heathy, happy, honest way of life.
I don't need to be uncomfortable in
recovery. If there is a social situation
happening where alcohol is flowing
freely then I have a choice to stay away
or not go. That way I don't have to
explain why i am not drinking poison.
I got sick and tired trying to explain
why i couldn't or didn't want to drink
that i eventually learned that i didn't
have to. There was no way to make
folks understand or change them and
merely accept those folks just as they
are and let them have their own thoughts
and opinions.
I don't need to explain myself to anyone
as long as i am self assured in knowing
that without a doubt i have an addiction
to alcohol and i have no control over it.
I do however have control over my
own recovery program and life and
that is keeping it simple, stress free,
honest, and with acceptance.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Mick. My experience has been that there is a lot of misunderstanding about alcohol dependency.
I do not tell people why I don't drink. It's none of their business, and I am not there to be judged.
I just don't think it does any good to state that you are an alcoholic., other than, as Dee said, to put the focus on you.
Peace.
I do not tell people why I don't drink. It's none of their business, and I am not there to be judged.
I just don't think it does any good to state that you are an alcoholic., other than, as Dee said, to put the focus on you.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 17
Being alcoholic its not good thing. Its not acceptable in society. You not need to tell that evrybody. For myself i just say " no i dont drink" and its just enouf answer.
If you say " im alcoholic" you are -30 points in persons view. Dont blame me for saying that its how they see us. Better to keep some stuf to urself or ur closest friends only. Alcoholic ppl not acceptable and no one would hawe relotionship with alcoholic if not sober yet. And even if you are sober they still cant understand. I hope you understand.
If you say " im alcoholic" you are -30 points in persons view. Dont blame me for saying that its how they see us. Better to keep some stuf to urself or ur closest friends only. Alcoholic ppl not acceptable and no one would hawe relotionship with alcoholic if not sober yet. And even if you are sober they still cant understand. I hope you understand.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 125
I have friends and family that drink, and some that don't but not because of alcoholism. They just don't. I'm used to being around them and hearing "No thanks" when someone offers them a beer. Why should it be any different for former drinkers?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,672
As most of the world knows now- I got very bad burns in a blackout. Once, when doing a surgical procedure a nurse started to screen off the bed I was sitting on (outpatients). I said to her- do not worry, I do not care if people see how I look. She replied not every one wants to look at me.
Some people do not care, do not want to know or may think it is weird if you do tell them why you do not drink.
Some people do not care, do not want to know or may think it is weird if you do tell them why you do not drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
There for sure is a stigma around addiction, and people generally will look down on those with it. Personally I just say "i'm not drinking tonight" or to that extent. Announcing to "normies" that don't understand about alcoholism usually doesn't go over well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I don't even say I don't drink, I just say no thanks but I'll have a pop or water or whatever. I don't want everyone to know, it's nobody's business but mine. The very few times I've said more I was sorry that I did.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Sobersville, USA
Posts: 159
People I've known a long time are well aware that I was a drunk. Holding up the wall an hour or two into a party, and God only knows what condition I was in later on. So in the times when I get together with old friends (and it seems like weddings or funerals), they are startled when I decline a drink. Sometimes I explain, and I've found that most are respectful and commend me on the progress I've made.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
I'll either say, I don't drink or I'm not drinking tonight. For those that I socialize frequently, they no longer ask and regardless of the situation it has never been an issue. The closest I've ever come to an explanation, and I regretted it afterward, was one time when I was in marathon training mode and my response to "Are you sure?" was "Yeah, I'm getting up at 5 AM tomorrow to run 16 miles." End of conversation. 
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