Blocked him and now feeling it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 65
Blocked him and now feeling it
I blocked his number on Sunday because we ended on such a positive note and I knew that wasn't the last I was hearing from him. I didn't want to allow him to make me feel guilty or try to get in my head.
I feel like my best friend died. I've never blocked him before and always left the lines open as a form of comfort or something. I looked at my phone and cried yesterday knowing I won't see his name pop up or I can't call him when I need to talk. The nostalgia is creeping back. I talked to him everyday for 6 years and am not as close to anyone else, not even my closest friends. He is the only one that really made me laugh (..and cry, ha!) At what point is safe to unblock the person and see how they are doing, just as friends? I care for him so much.
SOS.
I feel like my best friend died. I've never blocked him before and always left the lines open as a form of comfort or something. I looked at my phone and cried yesterday knowing I won't see his name pop up or I can't call him when I need to talk. The nostalgia is creeping back. I talked to him everyday for 6 years and am not as close to anyone else, not even my closest friends. He is the only one that really made me laugh (..and cry, ha!) At what point is safe to unblock the person and see how they are doing, just as friends? I care for him so much.
SOS.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Here's some really great advice from a really smart person you might want to read...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...fficially.html
Distract yourself, yes? Go to a movie (preferably something bloody, no romcoms), take a walk, go shopping, eat an ice cream sundae, do anything that will get your mind out of the past and into the present.
This is why they say "No new contact, no new hurt," yes?
Turn your face toward the sun and keep walking forward. It'll get easier.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...fficially.html
Distract yourself, yes? Go to a movie (preferably something bloody, no romcoms), take a walk, go shopping, eat an ice cream sundae, do anything that will get your mind out of the past and into the present.
This is why they say "No new contact, no new hurt," yes?
Turn your face toward the sun and keep walking forward. It'll get easier.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Mpie9 
I blocked his number on Sunday because we ended on such a positive note and I knew that wasn't the last I was hearing from him. I didn't want to allow him to make me feel guilty or try to get in my head.
I feel like my best friend died. I've never blocked him before and always left the lines open as a form of comfort or something. I looked at my phone and cried yesterday knowing I won't see his name pop up or I can't call him when I need to talk. The nostalgia is creeping back. I talked to him everyday for 6 years and am not as close to anyone else, not even my closest friends. He is the only one that really made me laugh (..and cry, ha!) At what point is safe to unblock the person and see how they are doing, just as friends? I care for him so much.
SOS.
I feel like my best friend died. I've never blocked him before and always left the lines open as a form of comfort or something. I looked at my phone and cried yesterday knowing I won't see his name pop up or I can't call him when I need to talk. The nostalgia is creeping back. I talked to him everyday for 6 years and am not as close to anyone else, not even my closest friends. He is the only one that really made me laugh (..and cry, ha!) At what point is safe to unblock the person and see how they are doing, just as friends? I care for him so much.
SOS.
I think my situation is somewhat similar and also very different if that makes any sense. I have no choice but to stay no contact.
When I think about my fiancé and our relationship, I know now that she was my addiction. I was addicted to the way I felt being her savior and hero and every other codependent feeling.
I hope you won't take offense to me saying this. I feel like if I were to talk to her then I couldn't maintain healthy boundaries. She was my drug, my whiskey. A simple "hey how's it going" or "hope your well text" would suck me back in. I see it the same way as an A trying to do some controlled drinking or saying "it's only 1 beer". Hoping this time they could maintain healthy boundaries with their addiction.
We all know how it works for them. I can't imagine it would work any different for us.
I will certainly defer to those with greater experience than myself. That's just what popped in my mind.
Take care of yourself. Hugs and strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
Here's some really great advice from a really smart person you might want to read...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...fficially.html
Distract yourself, yes? Go to a movie (preferably something bloody, no romcoms), take a walk, go shopping, eat an ice cream sundae, do anything that will get your mind out of the past and into the present.
This is why they say "No new contact, no new hurt," yes?
Turn your face toward the sun and keep walking forward. It'll get easier.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...fficially.html
Distract yourself, yes? Go to a movie (preferably something bloody, no romcoms), take a walk, go shopping, eat an ice cream sundae, do anything that will get your mind out of the past and into the present.
This is why they say "No new contact, no new hurt," yes?
Turn your face toward the sun and keep walking forward. It'll get easier.
Time heals. Just wish the days passed quicker.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by HeartbrokenGuy
Hey M
I think my situation is somewhat similar and also very different if that makes any sense. I have no choice but to stay no contact.
When I think about my fiancé and our relationship, I know now that she was my addiction. I was addicted to the way I felt being her savior and hero and every other codependent feeling.
I hope you won't take offense to me saying this. I feel like if I were to talk to her then I couldn't maintain healthy boundaries. She was my drug, my whiskey. A simple "hey how's it going" or "hope your well text" would suck me back in. I see it the same way as an A trying to do some controlled drinking or saying "it's only 1 beer". Hoping this time they could maintain healthy boundaries with their addiction.
We all know how it works for them. I can't imagine it would work any different for us.
I will certainly defer to those with greater experience than myself. That's just what popped in my mind.
Take care of yourself. Hugs and strength.
I think my situation is somewhat similar and also very different if that makes any sense. I have no choice but to stay no contact.
When I think about my fiancé and our relationship, I know now that she was my addiction. I was addicted to the way I felt being her savior and hero and every other codependent feeling.
I hope you won't take offense to me saying this. I feel like if I were to talk to her then I couldn't maintain healthy boundaries. She was my drug, my whiskey. A simple "hey how's it going" or "hope your well text" would suck me back in. I see it the same way as an A trying to do some controlled drinking or saying "it's only 1 beer". Hoping this time they could maintain healthy boundaries with their addiction.
We all know how it works for them. I can't imagine it would work any different for us.
I will certainly defer to those with greater experience than myself. That's just what popped in my mind.
Take care of yourself. Hugs and strength.
Like you said before, our standards are so low and we high five them if they get out of bed before 10 am... 1 pm. And anything sucks me back in so it's not worth it to keep the lines open. He makes me laugh and BAMN no one will ever make me laugh like that (even if he made me depressed for 3 days straight- non-intentionally), no one could ever love me like he does. He loved me a damn lot and people could see it, even my own mother told me it's hard to find that.
I guess its time to mourn, cry a lot; stop blaming, resenting and complaining and start looking at myself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Mpie9
He makes me laugh and BAMN no one will ever make me laugh like that (even if he made me depressed for 3 days straight- non-intentionally), no one could ever love me like he does. He loved me a damn lot and people could see it, even my own mother told me it's hard to find that.
I guess its time to mourn, cry a lot; stop blaming, resenting and complaining and start looking at myself.
I guess its time to mourn, cry a lot; stop blaming, resenting and complaining and start looking at myself.
My sister sent me a picture on one of my recent especially rough days. It was a picture of lightning and the caption read "We hold on so tight because we believe there is no possible way that lightning could ever strike twice".
The truth is lightning strikes lots of times if you are in the right situation. We just have to put ourselves in the right situation for lightning to strike again. Mourn, recover, heal, and establish a healthy sense of self and then who knows lightning may strike 100 more times in much better ways.
I felt like my fiancé loved me more than anyone ever could. And maybe that's true. But there is an equally likely possibility that it is untrue. And the way they "love" us and the things they do to show it, we may be better off finding someone who doesn't love us quite so much.
You are doing great. One step at a time is how we get to where we want to go.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Originally Posted by HeartbrokenGuy
Hey M
I think my situation is somewhat similar and also very different if that makes any sense. I have no choice but to stay no contact.
When I think about my fiancé and our relationship, I know now that she was my addiction. I was addicted to the way I felt being her savior and hero and every other codependent feeling.
I hope you won't take offense to me saying this. I feel like if I were to talk to her then I couldn't maintain healthy boundaries. She was my drug, my whiskey. A simple "hey how's it going" or "hope your well text" would suck me back in. I see it the same way as an A trying to do some controlled drinking or saying "it's only 1 beer". Hoping this time they could maintain healthy boundaries with their addiction.
We all know how it works for them. I can't imagine it would work any different for us.
I will certainly defer to those with greater experience than myself. That's just what popped in my mind.
Take care of yourself. Hugs and strength.
I think my situation is somewhat similar and also very different if that makes any sense. I have no choice but to stay no contact.
When I think about my fiancé and our relationship, I know now that she was my addiction. I was addicted to the way I felt being her savior and hero and every other codependent feeling.
I hope you won't take offense to me saying this. I feel like if I were to talk to her then I couldn't maintain healthy boundaries. She was my drug, my whiskey. A simple "hey how's it going" or "hope your well text" would suck me back in. I see it the same way as an A trying to do some controlled drinking or saying "it's only 1 beer". Hoping this time they could maintain healthy boundaries with their addiction.
We all know how it works for them. I can't imagine it would work any different for us.
I will certainly defer to those with greater experience than myself. That's just what popped in my mind.
Take care of yourself. Hugs and strength.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I remember, so well, after my awful, awful, breakup, one time....it is like giving an alcoholic one beer....I felt better for about five minutes....then the desire of more, just became even worse.....
It must be an awful sight for an alcoholic to see only one beer.....the desire is not for one beer ...it is the desire to see beers lined up to the horizon (and beyond)....
there is just no satiety....it has to be total abstainence
Same thing for the person who is in the throes of grieving....
It must be an awful sight for an alcoholic to see only one beer.....the desire is not for one beer ...it is the desire to see beers lined up to the horizon (and beyond)....
there is just no satiety....it has to be total abstainence
Same thing for the person who is in the throes of grieving....
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