exitingstrategy

Today is day 100 clean, recently got a sponsor and what I'm having troubles with is my mind and being ok with the stuff I've caused over the years of my addictions. Many nights coming home really late sometimes for 2 day benders then sleeping for 2...it caused a lot of emotional scarring on my wife. She says she still loves me but I really feel she doesn't and I have a hard time coping with that my mind starts spinning and always thinking of worst case scenarios. Then I start building resentment and want to say mean things. I have to hold my self back I don't know how to hold back my emotions when I'm around her as I just want us to be together. Starting some step work this weekend when I'm home from work (I work 5 hours away). In a way I wish I could feel the way she does and just be done and move on but I don't, I want our family to work 2 children. This addiction sure ruined my life as well as at least one other person. Sorry just needed to vent and search for answers

Anna

Congratulations on 100 days clean. It is really hard when we have to face the messes we've caused, really hard. If your wife says she loves you, that's a good place to start. She is likely going through a lot right now too, but try to accept what she says. Have you considered couples counselling or just simply sitting down and expressing your concerns?

biminiblue

When I was at 100 days (congrats) my mind was still all over the place. Give yourself some time, you - and hopefully your marriage - will continue to get better. Please be gentle with your wife and children, as hard as it is you will feel better about yourself if you are kind. People respond to kindness and consistency.

exitingstrategy

Thx for that....i am trying at that but sometimes the feeling of rejection gets to me and overwhelms my feelings. Spins my thoughts. I need to learn some form of meditation maybe I dunno. I'm glad my sponsor has gone through this as well. He ended up losing his realationship but says he was perfectly fine because it wasn't meant to be...if that's the case for me and wasn't meant to be I really hope I can get to that point of being ok. At this current moment I don't think I could take it very well. I'm very grateful for my 100 days today and having a sponsor I can talk too

SoberInStAlbans

Congrats on 100 days! That is no small feat. You should be proud of what you have accomplished since then. I agree with Anna about couples counseling. They can mediate and direct constructive counseling. You have both been through so much and it is difficult when blame and guilt are thrown into a relationship. Try to take what she tells you at face value. Your addiction wants you to not believe her. Your addiction tells you that no one can love you. You can continue to improve your relationship one brick at a time. I wish the best next 100 days.

Berrybean

You're doing the right thing cracking on with the step work. Step 4 really helped me gain so perspective and prepare myself to move on. I suspect you'll find the same thing. In the meantime just be aware that some of your thinking may well still be a little skewed, and that the changed perspective will give a lot of relief. Read and reread those promises - they really DO come true. You have so much to look forward to.

In the meantime, prayer really helps (can't beat a good resentment prayer set onto repeat), as do gratitude lists, and when you feel most self-pitying the quickest way to find relief really is to go and find someone else who's suffering and try to help them - it takes us out of our little pool of pain when we do this.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

Dee74

I'm a really strong advocate for communication.

Try really hard to put that resentment aside (I'm pretty sure you're angry at yourself deep down and not your wife anyway) and try really hard to listen to what she's saying.

Put yourself in her shoes. Try and respond in a loving way.

D

exitingstrategy

thx for all your advice I will try each and every piece I know it will take time to make it work for me