rainyengland

Not a very good day

Anyone else in early days start questioning friends etc for what they are and thinking you have been taken a idiot for ?

I'm very angry with someone who I thought was a close friend about how they spoke to me - I do as much as I possibly can for them and never ask anything back

Is this clarity after quitting or is it something else

Not drinking but pushed me right to edge today 👎🏻

PippoRossi

It sounds like clarity to me. It's hard to accept when we discover we have been taken advantage of. Glad to hear that you didn't drink over this. It definitely wouldn't have been worth it, never is.

biminiblue

I was super sensitive to every perceived "slight" in early recovery. With time it got easier to see these things as just minor blips.

I stayed away from people who I felt were bad for my sobriety but I didn't confront them, I just quietly stayed away from them. I think it's always best to remain quiet when insulted, turn away from that kind of negative energy. I don't need to get myself all worked up over someone's words.

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a wise man ignores an insult.
~Proverbs 29

rainyengland

I've been taken advantage of by this person - I know that

Seeing it clearly I think I'm more disappointed in myself for allowing it

I will heed the advice and remain at arms length and with a dignified silence ..while raging inside !

Just a hurdle I guess - not all physical withdrawals that's for sure

PippoRossi

Great advice! I like how you say you stay quietly away for those types. I try to do that, too. I also let myself be thankful for disagreements as they often "enlighten" me as to a person's true nature, one I likely would not have recognized if I had been drinking.

Grymt

This is a common problem. The 'raging inside'. - When a fire rages it is unwise to throw petrol on it. Better to throw some water on it.

When someone hurts me my ego gets roughed up. ( It's easy to give advice when someone else is suffering. When it's my suffering it's ten times worse and I want immediate succour. ) If I suppress the rage, keep it inside, it smoulders and bursts forth at any time at any outside target or inside my self as I recall the event. When I direct it outside I ignite fires in other people quite apart from the fire I'm stoking inside my self.

Instead, observe it objectively. The fire is not me. I have no reason to cling to it. It has arisen. Like all things that arise it will change. All things change. Let me see how long it lasts. Meanwhile continue doing those things that are necessary for a good life. Morality : no killing, no stealing, no lying, no sexual misconduct and no intoxicants. Work to strengthen the ability to observe equaninmously. Develop the wisdom that arises. Put the wisdom into action. Come out of the cycle of craving, hatred, ignorance, reaction, suffering. Remove the misery and be happy.

teatreeoil007

I'd say consider the 'source' and what might be driving a person to act that way. The way in which people behave: there is usually some sort of reason for it. And, it may not be a very good reason, but there is a reason. I find that when people say things to others that are a put down it tells you MORE about them then it tells you about YOU. People who are happy, content and feel good about themselves simply do not feel the need to put others down. No need for one-up-man-ship; and they should be grateful, instead of taking you for granted for what you give or contribute.

Healthy relationship have a good balance.....

Healthy communication involves listening as well as sharing. Break down in communication often occurs because there is a 'listening' problem.

Pure and simple: People who feel the need to criticize when no criticism is truly needed....well, it's because they are just not quite happy themselves. I see this play out time and time again. I have to be around some people a certain amount of time, but there are some that I find I just have limit my time around them because of their negativity.