In need of some support..
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Join Date: Jan 2017
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In need of some support..
My ex boyfriend who is a cocaine addict just got bailed out of jail for being caught with 4 grams of cocaine. Within a day of being released, he contacts me to tell me how much he misses me and how I'm the one who got away and always will be. His parents came into town to bail him out and stayed with him for a week. He seemed normal and sober, until the day they left. Now he's acting erratically - He said so many heartfelt things that reeled me right back in.. when I promised myself I would never let him do that again. Now he's completely disappeared on me, ignoring me. I feel so stupid and used. How could someone be so evil as to say these things, for days, beating it into my head to where I almost believed him, then disappear on me?! I said some terrible things and now I just feel worse. I just feel remorse, stupidity and heartbroken. I also wonder why this guy still has a hold on me when I've been doing so well with moving on with my life. I can understand why drug users lie and steal, but why are they so evil and manipulative?! If I didn't know better, I would think he needed an exorcism. Thank you for listening.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi Brooklyn, glad you found us! Addiction does terrible things to people. It can make perfectly rational people lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to get their next fix. I've seen the horrible transformation and felt like shaking the person, like come on you're in there somewhere!!!
You shouldn't feel stupid. You're obviously a compassionate person, and he took advantage of that. He's probably become an expert at it, like so many drug addicts and alcoholics.
Don't beat yourself up! Drug addicts snap on a dime and are generally unpredictable. Now you know to stay away from him! Sometimes we have to learn the hard way
You shouldn't feel stupid. You're obviously a compassionate person, and he took advantage of that. He's probably become an expert at it, like so many drug addicts and alcoholics.
Don't beat yourself up! Drug addicts snap on a dime and are generally unpredictable. Now you know to stay away from him! Sometimes we have to learn the hard way
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi Brooklyn, glad you found us! Addiction does terrible things to people. It can make perfectly rational people lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to get their next fix. I've seen the horrible transformation and felt like shaking the person, like come on you're in there somewhere!!!
You shouldn't feel stupid. You're obviously a compassionate person, and he took advantage of that. He's probably become an expert at it, like so many drug addicts and alcoholics.
Don't beat yourself up! Drug addicts snap on a dime and are generally unpredictable. Now you know to stay away from him! Sometimes we have to learn the hard way
You shouldn't feel stupid. You're obviously a compassionate person, and he took advantage of that. He's probably become an expert at it, like so many drug addicts and alcoholics.
Don't beat yourself up! Drug addicts snap on a dime and are generally unpredictable. Now you know to stay away from him! Sometimes we have to learn the hard way
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm sorry, sweetie. It's almost a chemical form of sociopathy...sociopathic liars are so very, very persuasive, especially since you at your core are a decent, trusting person who would never treat anyone that way.
You're not the first and you won't be the last to fall for his malarkey. But you don't have to ever again.
Sending you a hug.
You're not the first and you won't be the last to fall for his malarkey. But you don't have to ever again.
Sending you a hug.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
Thank you for everyone's support, it is much appreciated.
I did have him blocked, but for some reason I unblocked him at one point, not sure why. In hopes that i was strong enough to handle whatever it is that he had to say one day, or maybe that one day he'd get clean and have something heartfelt to say - like I thought he was doing recently.
And Nooooo! No we only talked over the phone as I refused to see him as he was wanting.
He did end up responding, to my surprise. But as I suspected, his tune has changed. His response was very cold and apathetic. The past few days I've been the love of his life and now he could care less... about me that is. When it comes to himself, that's another story. It's like dealing with a little kid.. who wants what they want when they want it and only thinks about themselves.
And yes, he's acting exactly like a sociopath.. no empathy whatsoever. It amazes me. What I don't understand, is if he's been sober, then why is he still acting like a sociopath?
I did have him blocked, but for some reason I unblocked him at one point, not sure why. In hopes that i was strong enough to handle whatever it is that he had to say one day, or maybe that one day he'd get clean and have something heartfelt to say - like I thought he was doing recently.
And Nooooo! No we only talked over the phone as I refused to see him as he was wanting.
He did end up responding, to my surprise. But as I suspected, his tune has changed. His response was very cold and apathetic. The past few days I've been the love of his life and now he could care less... about me that is. When it comes to himself, that's another story. It's like dealing with a little kid.. who wants what they want when they want it and only thinks about themselves.
And yes, he's acting exactly like a sociopath.. no empathy whatsoever. It amazes me. What I don't understand, is if he's been sober, then why is he still acting like a sociopath?
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,672
Addiction- the next high/drinking binge, gambling win- whatever. Anyone and everyone is a tool to be used with crazy thinking to get what they want. Lie to loved ones, steal from son's, manipulate, emotional blackmail when the silver tongue does not work. With a high comes the need for shelter- and support when down or no money or jail or bills or a ride. I was guilty of some of those with my family. Drinking in the end consumed me- nothing else mattered- I did not matter, the consequences did not matter- my life did not matter. Stay safe- do not put your life on hold- distance yourself, if there is no consistent long term action, with PROOF (not just their 'word') I would not believe addicted active people. I have been in an active recovery now for 10 months, sober 14. My family disowned me when I was in a coma in hospital dying- because of booze due to all the damage I wrought. I do not blame them, I wish them well and focus on me- so I feel qualified to say such things. I have seen many- in a recovery program, in a supervised environment, where- if they are 'evicted' chances are they will be homeless. Yet they do many things to keep their addiction alive. My empathy and support to you. There are lots of useful threads- where a community of like minded people share- in the Newcomer's section of SR. There is also a women's only site. Keep looking and look after yourself. His actions are out of your control. You are not his mum. You need to get on with your life, not put it on hold for him.
Keep posting. PJ
Keep posting. PJ
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
And Nooooo! No we only talked over the phone as I refused to see him as he was wanting.
He did end up responding, to my surprise. But as I suspected, his tune has changed. His response was very cold and apathetic. The past few days I've been the love of his life and now he could care less
dude just gets out of jail, dials up the ole gf hoping for a little "me time" - but since you said NO......he no longer has a USE for you.
it's not exactly sociopathic.....just very very selfish. and self serving.
block him babe. nail the doors shut. no more, go away, shoo.
He did end up responding, to my surprise. But as I suspected, his tune has changed. His response was very cold and apathetic. The past few days I've been the love of his life and now he could care less
dude just gets out of jail, dials up the ole gf hoping for a little "me time" - but since you said NO......he no longer has a USE for you.
it's not exactly sociopathic.....just very very selfish. and self serving.
block him babe. nail the doors shut. no more, go away, shoo.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I just feel remorse, stupidity and heartbroken.
And no new contact = no new hurts.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I believe, in situations such as yours, it's important to remember that we're not powerless. We do have choices. And often times the reason why we don't make those choices is because they make us uncomfortable.
When we're faced with the prospect of removing someone from our lives, it's supposed to hurt. That's the price we pay for caring about someone. And it's important to remember that when we remove someone from our lives, that doesn't mean we don't care about them. What it does mean is it hurts us too much to keep them in our lives, and in order to save ourselves, we have to let go of them.
When we're faced with the prospect of removing someone from our lives, it's supposed to hurt. That's the price we pay for caring about someone. And it's important to remember that when we remove someone from our lives, that doesn't mean we don't care about them. What it does mean is it hurts us too much to keep them in our lives, and in order to save ourselves, we have to let go of them.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by Brooklynd77 
And yes, he's acting exactly like a sociopath.. no empathy whatsoever. It amazes me. What I don't understand, is if he's been sober, then why is he still acting like a sociopath?
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Join Date: Jan 2017
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Addiction- the next high/drinking binge, gambling win- whatever. Anyone and everyone is a tool to be used with crazy thinking to get what they want. Lie to loved ones, steal from son's, manipulate, emotional blackmail when the silver tongue does not work. With a high comes the need for shelter- and support when down or no money or jail or bills or a ride. I was guilty of some of those with my family. Drinking in the end consumed me- nothing else mattered- I did not matter, the consequences did not matter- my life did not matter. Stay safe- do not put your life on hold- distance yourself, if there is no consistent long term action, with PROOF (not just their 'word') I would not believe addicted active people. I have been in an active recovery now for 10 months, sober 14. My family disowned me when I was in a coma in hospital dying- because of booze due to all the damage I wrought. I do not blame them, I wish them well and focus on me- so I feel qualified to say such things. I have seen many- in a recovery program, in a supervised environment, where- if they are 'evicted' chances are they will be homeless. Yet they do many things to keep their addiction alive. My empathy and support to you. There are lots of useful threads- where a community of like minded people share- in the Newcomer's section of SR. There is also a women's only site. Keep looking and look after yourself. His actions are out of your control. You are not his mum. You need to get on with your life, not put it on hold for him.
Keep posting. PJ
Keep posting. PJ
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
I have a real question here, at the risk of sounding like a typical codependent.
He has responded with the most emotional response I've ever gotten from him. Since my terrible response I sent. I told him I'm moving on with my life until he can show me some real actions to back up his words.. also that I will continue to date and move forward, etc etc. He's jealous hearing about my dating, he's angry as he's healing and trying to stay clean, "feeling emotions for the first time in a long time", he told me many sweet things about how wonderful I am. Way too much to write on this post. While my guard is still up and am fully aware he might possibly still be using due to his erratic responses.. This is the first time I'm dealing with addiction in my life. I just wonder, is it ever possible to trust someone who's been an addict? Could there ever be a possibility of a relationship again? Or is it just doomed forever. I'm just trying to understand.
He has responded with the most emotional response I've ever gotten from him. Since my terrible response I sent. I told him I'm moving on with my life until he can show me some real actions to back up his words.. also that I will continue to date and move forward, etc etc. He's jealous hearing about my dating, he's angry as he's healing and trying to stay clean, "feeling emotions for the first time in a long time", he told me many sweet things about how wonderful I am. Way too much to write on this post. While my guard is still up and am fully aware he might possibly still be using due to his erratic responses.. This is the first time I'm dealing with addiction in my life. I just wonder, is it ever possible to trust someone who's been an addict? Could there ever be a possibility of a relationship again? Or is it just doomed forever. I'm just trying to understand.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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I can only tell you my perspective of someone who was married to an alcoholic/RX pill addict for a very long time. My answer is no. All it has done to me, to our family, is horrible. I would NEVER put my trust into someone who has been an addict. If I were to even consider it, they would have to be clean for YEARS and I would have to be able to see through their actions that they lead a good clean life.
The thing is, there is always a chance of relapse, and that is something that some people can be at peace with, and some not. I am in the not category!
I don't say this to hurt you, and I say it very gently. I am in my midlife with children who deal with the actions of their father's addictions when it was at his worst. It's been a long, hard life.
The thing is, there is always a chance of relapse, and that is something that some people can be at peace with, and some not. I am in the not category!
I don't say this to hurt you, and I say it very gently. I am in my midlife with children who deal with the actions of their father's addictions when it was at his worst. It's been a long, hard life.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I can only tell you my perspective of someone who was married to an alcoholic/RX pill addict for a very long time. My answer is no. All it has done to me, to our family, is horrible. I would NEVER put my trust into someone who has been an addict. If I were to even consider it, they would have to be clean for YEARS and I would have to be able to see through their actions that they lead a good clean life.
The thing is, there is always a chance of relapse, and that is something that some people can be at peace with, and some not. I am in the not category!
I don't say this to hurt you, and I say it very gently. I am in my midlife with children who deal with the actions of their father's addictions when it was at his worst. It's been a long, hard life.
The thing is, there is always a chance of relapse, and that is something that some people can be at peace with, and some not. I am in the not category!
I don't say this to hurt you, and I say it very gently. I am in my midlife with children who deal with the actions of their father's addictions when it was at his worst. It's been a long, hard life.
I think writing out my last post really shook something loose in me. It made me realize what I was really asking, and why would I want to even consider putting myself through this again? Even though he's showing more emotion than he has in a long time, it's not enough. It's just not what I deserve. So, I told him that I couldn't do this any longer. Wished him well and that's that. I know he'll let me go with ease, yet again. I know it will hurt again. But I can't allow him to waltz back into my life and cause more chaos. I wish it could be different this time around, but I know it wouldn't be..
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Location: Adelaide, Australia
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brook- firstly you offer encouragement to people who come here to offer you encouragement. That shows strength. I would suggest given the history- WAY too early. Maybe with a lot longer. BUT what does your heart tell you- really tell you, as opposed to what you hope for?
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