flashback1

Hello everyone,

I have been dealing with alcoholism on and off for most of my adult life (I am 29) and finally managed to get it under control, but only after a catastrophic event of losing everything. I never really gave it a true shot in the past. I slipped in and out of sobriety and intoxication. I thought I had a grip on it at times, but I would repeat the same mistakes.

I drank to cope with my stress/anxiety.

I am 32 days sober as of today, but I lost my GF, my job, had to relocate and now I am in a deep depression (I think) with no motivation to continue life.

Honestly, I have zero desire to ever drink again. It is completely locked down. I have made the commitment to myself to never drink again.

My heart is broken because I lost the one person who was trying to help me.

I dwell on the past and the mistakes I made wishing I could fix them. I feel anxious at times about the future. My reality is in a fog. I have spent 2 weeks in doors and have not left. I got a job in another state, but I am hesitating on the move because I know I will not have the support of the people I have around me now.

I honestly do not know what to do to get out of this funk. I want to move forward but I worry more about things now than I did 3 weeks ago.

I am sober, but I am sad and broken.

I do not know what to do.

kenton

Hi Flashback, congratulations on 32 days. That is amazing. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you haven't lost everything. You've got your commitment never to drink again, your new job and loads of time to build a whole new life or work on getting your old one back on track. You're not on your own, you're really not. There's loads of people here who can help.

Bailey3

Welcome to the forum flashback. There's lots of support and help here. Congratulations on your 32 days of sobriety. That's a huge accomplishment!

I have a situation similar to yours. My wife is gone.. It does get better though. You have to just take that on faith.

If your funk doesn't get ant better or worsens, please consider seeking professional help. I did. It was just one session but, it helped me to better understand what it was I was going through.

The most important thing you can do though is don't start drinking again. I know that from experience. Keep coming back here and, post often. You'll learn a lot.

flashback1

I actually recounted: 37 days sober.

@kenton - Everyone says it's going to get better, but for some reason it feels like it's getting worse.

@jsm273 - Sending you a PM

edit: I need 5 posts :\

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here flashback but you will find support and understanding here...and I hope a little hope as well

D

PhoenixJ

fb- mine was a literal catas. event. My narrative explains on such threads. My advice- just do stuff. Better to get out in the world feeling like crap than sitting alone, isolating and drinking. I thought stuff could not get any worse after my event- but I drank afterwards and they did get worse. Try- do. Go to a meeting. Connect with the world. See a counsellor. Post here. Go to church. Go to SMART. See a doc. DO ANYTHING BUT DRINK AND STOP THE DAMAGE NOW. That way no more damage will be done and your healing will begin. You will need help - so reach out and ask. Here- where ever it is offered.
Empathy and support to you. PJ

PhoenixJ

there is life- and where there is life, there IS hope. You are not alone. Strength in unity. Join the Class of March 2017 thread.

flashback1

@dee74 - I wish I had a better story to present myself with, but this is the truth. If this happened a year ago I wouldn't have came here to seek help.

@PhoenixJ - Drinking is no longer my problem. Rebuilding the damages I have caused is my issue. I want to have hope, but it drives me further into the ground.

PhoenixJ

With respect- 32 days is still a time to focus on not drinking- while dealing with damage done and getting support for the damage done- for me. Also i could not do it without prof. Advice/support.

FreedomCA

Glad to hear that you are staying sober despite what you are going through. Seems like your sobriety is keeping you afloat. Keep up the good work!

MrMcTell

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. Massive respect for completing a month sober.

Lots of good advice here. I had lots going on early on in my recovery too, but the best thing is to ignore it as far as you can and make getting well your #1 priority. Everything else can wait. You'll be in a better place to address your problems when you have settled down in any case.

Depression was/is a part of the process for me. It helped me to think of it as part of getting better. I just told myself that all the negativity and misery was my addiction adjusting to my sobriety and trying out new tricks on me...

FreeOwl

Hi.

Please consider deeply for a moment what I am about to tell you.

Because if you can take this truly into your heart, it will change your life.

You are sober. And in sobriety, you have gained EVERYTHING.

Hold that, every day, with real gratitude and then follow it.

Congratulations on the open door to your incredible new life.

Stick around.

We love you, and I can't wait to hear more about your unfolding everything.

5upersonic

Im sorry you reached the point of feeling that you lost everything, but you have your sobriety and that is priceless. With that in place everything else can be rebuilt, one day at a time. Keep posting and sharing.

Mizzuno

You will be okay. Better than okay. You may not see it now but your life will get better and you will be better off for it.
I do know the pain you are in. I do know that the pain will lessen and you will find yourself joyous again. Be patient. Be gentle with yourself. Keep posting. Welcome to the community.

FreeOwl

Here's a poem;

When you lost
You really Gained

So give thanks
Where you complained

For had you never been
So Broken

Your Truth
Would not be Spoken

So stand up
With all the lessons
You have learned

Step into
All the Beauty
You have earned!!

Anna

I think you might need a little more time to become comfortable with feeling emotions. When I stopped drinking, I felt a wall of emotions hitting me and it was something I had to find a way to manage. You can learn to deal with your emotions and live a happy and peaceful life. I'm sorry you're struggling, but have faith that you can get through this.

Bird615

For me, it took longer than that to even begin to feel better and I at first I couldn't believe I would ever feel good again. I could not see past the darkness. I went on blind faith when others told me that I could feel happy again; I just had to plow through one foot in front of the other until I gradually started to feel better.

There was a saying going around in my recover meetings when I first got sober which kind of helped me hang on through those first tough months and I even have the fridge magnet:

Keep coming back!
It gets better...
Then it gets worse...
Then it gets real...
Then it gets different...
Then it gets real different...

I found that being in a recovery program with others the same as me that taught me a new way of looking at myself and the world was what made the difference between a miserable depressing, discontented sobriety and a real happy sober life.

flashback1

I'm really humbled by the replies, thank you for the kind words... It truly means a lot.

I am trying my best to get out of this hole. I am physically tired. Not sure if this is a post withdraw from alcohol cause I still have that cloudy/fog feeling.

Any advice?

Funtimefranky

I tried to reply to you earlier today but was having problems posting. Get out the house as soon as you can. I let it become a thing and now I'm having serious issues. I've only been out 3 short times this year. Not many times last year. It's become a huge thing that I wish I would have dealt with sooner.

I was sad to read your story. I'm sorry you lost what you did. You can get a great life back in time. In fact, it will be better BC there will be no booze in it! I really think you will look back at this one day from a happy place. I know it makes no difference to how you feel now but it's great to have youth on your side. wish I did. keep up the good work.

FreeOwl

Advice?

Just for now, focus less on how to get out of where you are than on just feeling it and learning from it.

The getting out will come. Just as naturally as clouds come and go.

It's OK not to feel OK. Sometimes, that's how life is.



What can you be grateful for about how you feel right now

What can these feelings give you by way of insight?

What do you notice?

Can you sit and breathe deeply and just notice that even while your not feeling OK.... you're still OK?



It's gonna be awesome.