I Did A really Brave Thing
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I Did A really Brave Thing
well it was brave for me. Last year I upset a lot of people by basically having a nervous breakdown and walking way from them. Stuff with my exah, work, my kids disowning me and my mum dying, my dad shouting at me for 2 hours at her deathbed, my grandbchild being born I will never see, bloke leaving for good ...you get the picture.... and being made to feel like crap all snowballed into one massive festing mess of pain and I walked out of my voluntary job cos I couldn't stop crying and who needs a crying Barista and basically took off.
Fast forward 9 months and am much better. I will never get over the past. Not ever but I am living with it now. I reached out to friends and was well received but no one trusts me anymore. My voluntary job workers are wary of me even tho I was good at the job and I don't blame them. My coping ability at the time left me and I shut down.
I kind of feel like I should have let sleeping dogs lie. It's easier to stay lonely then be silently judged by people who have absolutely no understanding of what I' ve been through and are no longer willing to give me a chance cos in their eyes am "unstable."
I feel like I stuck my head above the parapet and got it shot off cos being open is not easy and certainly not when you realise that people don't really get it half way through hard conversations. Am back home with my cats and will stay here now . Anything else is too painful.
Fast forward 9 months and am much better. I will never get over the past. Not ever but I am living with it now. I reached out to friends and was well received but no one trusts me anymore. My voluntary job workers are wary of me even tho I was good at the job and I don't blame them. My coping ability at the time left me and I shut down.
I kind of feel like I should have let sleeping dogs lie. It's easier to stay lonely then be silently judged by people who have absolutely no understanding of what I' ve been through and are no longer willing to give me a chance cos in their eyes am "unstable."
I feel like I stuck my head above the parapet and got it shot off cos being open is not easy and certainly not when you realise that people don't really get it half way through hard conversations. Am back home with my cats and will stay here now . Anything else is too painful.
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Ladybird.....you know, if there are toxic people in your life, the thing to do is to take yourself away from those people....that is what you have to do to be responsible to yourself......
As long as you have yourself...you will be o.k.
Maybe, you lost touch with yourself in other people...? It sounds like you did.....
You don't need those people at your voluntary job.....
What they think of you is none of your business, anyway....
there are billions of people in this world....among them, are healthy, loving, caring people...
Perhaps, the time has come for you to make a totally new life for yourself......
I am big on cats...they are so much fun and they bring so much comfort....
As long as you have yourself...you will be o.k.
Maybe, you lost touch with yourself in other people...? It sounds like you did.....
You don't need those people at your voluntary job.....
What they think of you is none of your business, anyway....
there are billions of people in this world....among them, are healthy, loving, caring people...
Perhaps, the time has come for you to make a totally new life for yourself......
I am big on cats...they are so much fun and they bring so much comfort....
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So when you say you reached out and we're well recieved but they don't trust you any more, what does that mean exactly? Do you mean you popped by to say hello and let them OK now you're well again, and apologise for any trouble your disappearance caused them? Or do you mean you asked to go back to work? Or what? And how do you know they don't trust you? Trust you to work for them again? Trust you to be pals? Sorry if I'm missing something, but I'm just trying to get my head round what actually happened, what you expected or hoped would come of it, and what actually did happen? Perhaps it's just me being a bit of a donut.
Anyway. Hope you're feeling better today.
You know, sometimes we can make our amends for our part in things, but ultimately it's better to go forwards and do something new, with new people, than try to go back.
Hope you're feeling better today.
BB
Anyway. Hope you're feeling better today.
You know, sometimes we can make our amends for our part in things, but ultimately it's better to go forwards and do something new, with new people, than try to go back.
Hope you're feeling better today.
BB
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
Ladybird.....you know, if there are toxic people in your life, the thing to do is to take yourself away from those people....that is what you have to do to be responsible to yourself......
As long as you have yourself...you will be o.k.
Maybe, you lost touch with yourself in other people...? It sounds like you did.....
You don't need those people at your voluntary job.....
What they think of you is none of your business, anyway....
there are billions of people in this world....among them, are healthy, loving, caring people...
Perhaps, the time has come for you to make a totally new life for yourself......
I am big on cats...they are so much fun and they bring so much comfort....
As long as you have yourself...you will be o.k.
Maybe, you lost touch with yourself in other people...? It sounds like you did.....
You don't need those people at your voluntary job.....
What they think of you is none of your business, anyway....
there are billions of people in this world....among them, are healthy, loving, caring people...
Perhaps, the time has come for you to make a totally new life for yourself......
I am big on cats...they are so much fun and they bring so much comfort....
If I had a voluntary job again I would feel better about myself cos it would give me a reason to actually get out of bed. I was only good at it and noone wants me in any other place cos as opportunities came up I've offered. So I blew a perfectly good one I loved doing and upset all my friends and myself as well and they still have noone to take over what I did.
I get your point about toxic people. I don't think they are tho. I think I hurt them all and nothing I can do or say will fix that cos they truly don't get it. They have happy, uneventful lives with loving spouses and children who haven't disowned them. One time I got asked for a chat cos they were worried I'd be vulnerable in Europe on my own. I've took care of myself since I was 5! They seriously have no idea what my life was like. It's not their faults. They are normies. I seem to leave a train wreck behind me where ever I go. :/ It's easier to stay in bed and watch Netflix.
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So when you say you reached out and we're well recieved but they don't trust you any more, what does that mean exactly? Do you mean you popped by to say hello and let them OK now you're well again, and apologise for any trouble your disappearance caused them? Or do you mean you asked to go back to work? Or what? And how do you know they don't trust you? Trust you to work for them again? Trust you to be pals?
I popped by and apologised. They both said I'd been really missed and one said get your uniform on and get back in here anytime you like. Her husband was like ...er...no. We broke her last time. They didn't tho and I told the it wasn't them. It was life. Coming back to work a day after my mum died with everything else going on had been the problem. I can see why he thought that but am not so fragile I cannot do a voluntary job So yet another casualty of my screwed up life. I just need to stay out of people's way. Am a menace.
I popped by and apologised. They both said I'd been really missed and one said get your uniform on and get back in here anytime you like. Her husband was like ...er...no. We broke her last time. They didn't tho and I told the it wasn't them. It was life. Coming back to work a day after my mum died with everything else going on had been the problem. I can see why he thought that but am not so fragile I cannot do a voluntary job So yet another casualty of my screwed up life. I just need to stay out of people's way. Am a menace.
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Originally Posted by maia1234
Sending hugs lb!! Time heals wounds. Look how far you have come in the 9 months. You have no idea where you will be in another 9 months.
One day at a time, my friend!!
One day at a time, my friend!!
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Oh, come on, Ladybird. I get it, that you are grieving the losses that you have felt in the last year....that is understandable, and it takes a long time to get past that...and, I knw what that is like....To your pain and grieving, you are certainly entitled.....
But, please don't restrict yourself to a prison of your own making.
You don't need to stay in your "tiny place" where you are judged by being the ex wife of an alcoholic.....There are millions of those around this world...look at all us l ovlies, here on SR...lol.....
Rather than digging a hole and living in it.....pack up and move to another place...a place where there is love and not inhabited by small minded judgemental people.....Your children are old enough to live lives of their own....do not let the tails wag the dog! It looks like that is what they are doing.....
I have worked, for many years with people who have been refugees...who lost everything in their lives...even had family members killed.....They came with nothing but their hearts and their souls and a faith that life was still worth living and that there was still some good in this world. They are so uplifting and so inspirational....
You say that you are a "warrior"....well, maybe, that is what you have had to be to survive....but, you are as capable of change as anybody else...we are all capable of that....
Your environment has a big impact....and, yours is not the only place on earth that you can live...you just think it is because you have grown accustomed to it and you don't like change.....humans, don't like change, in general...but we are enormously adaptable when we have to be! Otherwise, we would have become as extinct as the dinosaurs.......
But, please don't restrict yourself to a prison of your own making.
You don't need to stay in your "tiny place" where you are judged by being the ex wife of an alcoholic.....There are millions of those around this world...look at all us l ovlies, here on SR...lol.....
Rather than digging a hole and living in it.....pack up and move to another place...a place where there is love and not inhabited by small minded judgemental people.....Your children are old enough to live lives of their own....do not let the tails wag the dog! It looks like that is what they are doing.....
I have worked, for many years with people who have been refugees...who lost everything in their lives...even had family members killed.....They came with nothing but their hearts and their souls and a faith that life was still worth living and that there was still some good in this world. They are so uplifting and so inspirational....
You say that you are a "warrior"....well, maybe, that is what you have had to be to survive....but, you are as capable of change as anybody else...we are all capable of that....
Your environment has a big impact....and, yours is not the only place on earth that you can live...you just think it is because you have grown accustomed to it and you don't like change.....humans, don't like change, in general...but we are enormously adaptable when we have to be! Otherwise, we would have become as extinct as the dinosaurs.......
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Oh, come on, Ladybird. I get it, that you are grieving the losses that you have felt in the last year....that is understandable, and it takes a long time to get past that...and, I knw what that is like....To your pain and grieving, you are certainly entitled.....
But, please don't restrict yourself to a prison of your own making.
You don't need to stay in your "tiny place" where you are judged by being the ex wife of an alcoholic.....There are millions of those around this world...look at all us l ovlies, here on SR...lol.....
Rather than digging a hole and living in it.....pack up and move to another place...a place where there is love and not inhabited by small minded judgemental people.....Your children are old enough to live lives of their own....do not let the tails wag the dog! It looks like that is what they are doing.....
I have worked, for many years with people who have been refugees...who lost everything in their lives...even had family members killed.....They came with nothing but their hearts and their sould and a faith that life was still worth living and that there was still some good in this world. They are so uplifting and so inspirational....
You say that you are a "warrior"....well, maybe, that is what you have had to be to survive....but, you are as capable of change as anybody else...we are all capable of that....
Your environment has a big impact....and, yours is not the only place on earth that you can live...you just think it is because you have grown accustomed to it and you don't like change.....humans, don't like change, in general...but we are enormously adaptable when we have to be! Otherwise, we would have become as extinct as the dinosaurs.......
But, please don't restrict yourself to a prison of your own making.
You don't need to stay in your "tiny place" where you are judged by being the ex wife of an alcoholic.....There are millions of those around this world...look at all us l ovlies, here on SR...lol.....
Rather than digging a hole and living in it.....pack up and move to another place...a place where there is love and not inhabited by small minded judgemental people.....Your children are old enough to live lives of their own....do not let the tails wag the dog! It looks like that is what they are doing.....
I have worked, for many years with people who have been refugees...who lost everything in their lives...even had family members killed.....They came with nothing but their hearts and their sould and a faith that life was still worth living and that there was still some good in this world. They are so uplifting and so inspirational....
You say that you are a "warrior"....well, maybe, that is what you have had to be to survive....but, you are as capable of change as anybody else...we are all capable of that....
Your environment has a big impact....and, yours is not the only place on earth that you can live...you just think it is because you have grown accustomed to it and you don't like change.....humans, don't like change, in general...but we are enormously adaptable when we have to be! Otherwise, we would have become as extinct as the dinosaurs.......
I've also worked with refugees in Europe and you are right they are inspirational. Amazing people.
They have more hope then I have cos their situation is not of their own making. My boyfriend is back in Europe now and I am here until and if ( big if with one) my boys are self supporting. I know that's going to be a few years off with one and probably never with the other. Part of me is desperate to put down roots, to have a normal life but it's as illusive as holding sand in my hands.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
OMG....one little meltdown.....Pffssst---that is not the end of the world...it isn't even a crime!
One monkey don't make no show....
(An American saying)...
One monkey don't make no show....
(An American saying)...
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Ladybird......you aren't the first one to walk off a job. happens every day...
I hear what you are saying about your responsibilities to your children's education.....I am not saying that it is as easy as pie...just doable.
There are other communities where people get educated, also. It happens all over the world.....And, you can take your autistic son along with you.....
It is just that this community sounds very small minded.....very judgemental....
Is this really where you want your roots.....why not pick a place where people are more progressive.....where there are more opportunities?
If you were in the Merchant Navy...you should be able to handle anything!!!!!!
I hear what you are saying about your responsibilities to your children's education.....I am not saying that it is as easy as pie...just doable.
There are other communities where people get educated, also. It happens all over the world.....And, you can take your autistic son along with you.....
It is just that this community sounds very small minded.....very judgemental....
Is this really where you want your roots.....why not pick a place where people are more progressive.....where there are more opportunities?
If you were in the Merchant Navy...you should be able to handle anything!!!!!!
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Originally Posted by Ladybird579
So when you say you reached out and we're well recieved but they don't trust you any more, what does that mean exactly? Do you mean you popped by to say hello and let them OK now you're well again, and apologise for any trouble your disappearance caused them? Or do you mean you asked to go back to work? Or what? And how do you know they don't trust you? Trust you to work for them again? Trust you to be pals?
I popped by and apologised. They both said I'd been really missed and one said get your uniform on and get back in here anytime you like. Her husband was like ...er...no. We broke her last time. They didn't tho and I told the it wasn't them. It was life. Coming back to work a day after my mum died with everything else going on had been the problem. I can see why he thought that but am not so fragile I cannot do a voluntary job So yet another casualty of my screwed up life. I just need to stay out of people's way. Am a menace.
I popped by and apologised. They both said I'd been really missed and one said get your uniform on and get back in here anytime you like. Her husband was like ...er...no. We broke her last time. They didn't tho and I told the it wasn't them. It was life. Coming back to work a day after my mum died with everything else going on had been the problem. I can see why he thought that but am not so fragile I cannot do a voluntary job So yet another casualty of my screwed up life. I just need to stay out of people's way. Am a menace.
I'd suggest that you have a more in depth discussion about what happened, and ask them outright for a second chance if that's what you want. None of this *****-footing around with everyone second-guessing each other. Sounds like they care about you and are trying to be responsible. Perhaps you could ask if they'd let you do a trial period on less hours than you used to do to see how you get on (for them to see, not you! You might know you're stronger now, but they don't, and yes, a lot of this is rebuilding trust).
Anyway. Good luck, whatever you decide.
BB
Just wondering, have you ever looked at the CoDa literature? I suspect you might find it useful. I certainly did.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Ladybird......you aren't the first one to walk off a job. happens every day...
I hear what you are saying about your responsibilities to your children's education.....I am not saying that it is as easy as pie...just doable.
There are other communities where people get educated, also. It happens all over the world.....And, you can take your autistic son along with you.....
It is just that this community sounds very small minded.....very judgemental....
Is this really where you want your roots.....why not pick a place where people are more progressive.....where there are more opportunities?
If you were in the Merchant Navy...you should be able to handle anything!!!!!!
I hear what you are saying about your responsibilities to your children's education.....I am not saying that it is as easy as pie...just doable.
There are other communities where people get educated, also. It happens all over the world.....And, you can take your autistic son along with you.....
It is just that this community sounds very small minded.....very judgemental....
Is this really where you want your roots.....why not pick a place where people are more progressive.....where there are more opportunities?
If you were in the Merchant Navy...you should be able to handle anything!!!!!!
It's a small town mentality. Most have lived here all their lives and their parents before them and grandparents infinitum. I kind of liked it for the stability when I got here. The everyday sameness. Knowing the postie, the man in the shop and the never changing peace of it. It was what I needed. Maybe am healing cos am outgrowing it fast. lol. Am ready to go again and just need the right time now. MN was a piece of cake compared to shore side
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Originally Posted by Berrybean
I dunno. Doesn't sound to me like they don't trust you. Just being naturally cautious about putting you back in the firing line. At my place of work, if you're off sick for a while yiu get a back-to-work-interview for the same purpose.
I'd suggest that you have a more in depth discussion about what happened, and ask them outright for a second chance if that's what you want. None of this *****-footing around with everyone second-guessing each other. Sounds like they care about you and are trying to be responsible. Perhaps you could ask if they'd let you do a trial period on less hours than you used to do to see how you get on (for them to see, not you! You might know you're stronger now, but they don't, and yes, a lot of this is rebuilding trust).
Anyway. Good luck, whatever you decide.
BB
Just wondering, have you ever looked at the CoDa literature? I suspect you might find it useful. I certainly did.
I'd suggest that you have a more in depth discussion about what happened, and ask them outright for a second chance if that's what you want. None of this *****-footing around with everyone second-guessing each other. Sounds like they care about you and are trying to be responsible. Perhaps you could ask if they'd let you do a trial period on less hours than you used to do to see how you get on (for them to see, not you! You might know you're stronger now, but they don't, and yes, a lot of this is rebuilding trust).
Anyway. Good luck, whatever you decide.
BB
Just wondering, have you ever looked at the CoDa literature? I suspect you might find it useful. I certainly did.
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You want a meltdown story? I was once so angry at a co-worker I stormed into my boss's office and yelled out "I QUIT!!!!" at the top of my lungs. I slammed his office door so hard that all the bulletin boards on the wall fell down.
I was asked to issue out an apology and I made it very clear that they were going to have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Was it uncomfortable for a good, long, while? Yes.
My boss ended up writing my grad school recommendation and has happily served as a reference for jobs I've obtained. We actually laugh about it now, although he made me swear I wouldn't pull off a performance like that again.
One meltdown doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world. From where I sit, the husband doesn't sound as if he's questioning your competence. Like Berrybean said, I would suspect his reluctance is more out of concern for you rather than reservations about your job performance.
I was asked to issue out an apology and I made it very clear that they were going to have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Was it uncomfortable for a good, long, while? Yes.
My boss ended up writing my grad school recommendation and has happily served as a reference for jobs I've obtained. We actually laugh about it now, although he made me swear I wouldn't pull off a performance like that again.
One meltdown doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world. From where I sit, the husband doesn't sound as if he's questioning your competence. Like Berrybean said, I would suspect his reluctance is more out of concern for you rather than reservations about your job performance.
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Lad ybird...I just went back and read about when you went to the voluntary job site......
My impression.....Y ou have got some serious negative self image tapes playing in your head. Negative self talk.....where does that come from?.....
You did the job better than anyone else...you admitted this, yourself. You have a lot of talent. You aren't a menace....you are a person who has been very h urt by other people in your life who are toxic..insensitive...self centered...entitled...
and, maybe that anger is being expressed passively aggressively (indirect, rather than direct)....and, I think you are turning the anger inward on yourself, also....(a mean thing to do to yourself)....
But you are not a scourge or a menace or meant to stay in a cave on the mountainside.....
My impression.....Y ou have got some serious negative self image tapes playing in your head. Negative self talk.....where does that come from?.....
You did the job better than anyone else...you admitted this, yourself. You have a lot of talent. You aren't a menace....you are a person who has been very h urt by other people in your life who are toxic..insensitive...self centered...entitled...
and, maybe that anger is being expressed passively aggressively (indirect, rather than direct)....and, I think you are turning the anger inward on yourself, also....(a mean thing to do to yourself)....
But you are not a scourge or a menace or meant to stay in a cave on the mountainside.....
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