I Did A really Brave Thing
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I had a major meltdown at work once--I screamed and ranted and raved at my coworkers and threw a file before storming out (of my own office, lol). It was when my second husband was in the hospital, literally at death's door from alcohol-related health problems. I had worked long hours a short time before, covering for a couple of coworkers because of personal issues (nothing approaching the magnitude of what I was dealing with) and when I asked for some help so I could go to the hospital, they couldn't spare the time. I lost it.
It all blew over shortly.
I think part of the problem here is that you were away for quite a while, incommunicado, and then you come in and sort of expect everything to be business as usual. They haven't had a chance to see how you've worked at everything to get to where you are now. There's no context for them, in other words.
I think you have to do more than "stick your head above the parapet." You've gotta let people see you on a day-to-day basis. Even if it's just going out on the street, popping in to say hello, how's it going, etc.
I DO think "The Crying Barista" would make a great book or movie title.
It all blew over shortly.
I think part of the problem here is that you were away for quite a while, incommunicado, and then you come in and sort of expect everything to be business as usual. They haven't had a chance to see how you've worked at everything to get to where you are now. There's no context for them, in other words.
I think you have to do more than "stick your head above the parapet." You've gotta let people see you on a day-to-day basis. Even if it's just going out on the street, popping in to say hello, how's it going, etc.
I DO think "The Crying Barista" would make a great book or movie title.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
I had a major meltdown at work once--I screamed and ranted and raved at my coworkers and threw a file before storming out (of my own office, lol). It was when my second husband was in the hospital, literally at death's door from alcohol-related health problems. I had worked long hours a short time before, covering for a couple of coworkers because of personal issues (nothing approaching the magnitude of what I was dealing with) and when I asked for some help so I could go to the hospital, they couldn't spare the time. I lost it.
It all blew over shortly.
I think part of the problem here is that you were away for quite a while, incommunicado, and then you come in and sort of expect everything to be business as usual. They haven't had a chance to see how you've worked at everything to get to where you are now. There's no context for them, in other words.
I think you have to do more than "stick your head above the parapet." You've gotta let people see you on a day-to-day basis. Even if it's just going out on the street, popping in to say hello, how's it going, etc.
I DO think "The Crying Barista" would make a great book or movie title.
It all blew over shortly.
I think part of the problem here is that you were away for quite a while, incommunicado, and then you come in and sort of expect everything to be business as usual. They haven't had a chance to see how you've worked at everything to get to where you are now. There's no context for them, in other words.
I think you have to do more than "stick your head above the parapet." You've gotta let people see you on a day-to-day basis. Even if it's just going out on the street, popping in to say hello, how's it going, etc.
I DO think "The Crying Barista" would make a great book or movie title.
I think you are right he wants to see how I am on a daily basis so am going in most days. He said he like for us all to go out socially too for a catch up.
My lovely son cheered me up by goofy around in my sunglasses. We laughed and laughed. LOL @ a book. I bet we could all write a few best sellers.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
Originally Posted by hearthealth
Ladybird , what do you want to do? It sounds like at least two wanted you back. The one man wanted sounded like he wanted reassurances that you are resilient.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Lad ybird...I just went back and read about when you went to the voluntary job site......
My impression.....Y ou have got some serious negative self image tapes playing in your head. Negative self talk.....where does that come from?.....
You did the job better than anyone else...you admitted this, yourself. You have a lot of talent. You aren't a menace....you are a person who has been very h urt by other people in your life who are toxic..insensitive...self centered...entitled...
and, maybe that anger is being expressed passively aggressively (indirect, rather than direct)....and, I think you are turning the anger inward on yourself, also....(a mean thing to do to yourself)....
But you are not a scourge or a menace or meant to stay in a cave on the mountainside.....
My impression.....Y ou have got some serious negative self image tapes playing in your head. Negative self talk.....where does that come from?.....
You did the job better than anyone else...you admitted this, yourself. You have a lot of talent. You aren't a menace....you are a person who has been very h urt by other people in your life who are toxic..insensitive...self centered...entitled...
and, maybe that anger is being expressed passively aggressively (indirect, rather than direct)....and, I think you are turning the anger inward on yourself, also....(a mean thing to do to yourself)....
But you are not a scourge or a menace or meant to stay in a cave on the mountainside.....
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
Update
I've been visiting the coffee place all week and re-connecting with friends there and making new ones. It feels like home to me now I've remembered how home feels.
The manager mentioned me going back to work and said he was running it past the boss over him a few days ago. Today he said I can go back when am ready.
This whole situation and my responses to it has taught me so much I can't even begin to describe.
One is I am way more liked then I ever imagined and have been missed. That my leaving as I did hurt people but they are prepared to give me another chance. That is humbling.
My negative feelings about myself are MINE. They are not vibes from other people. Feelings are not facts. I assume too much when I am in that negative zone.
Nothing I commit to has to be forever. I can give enough of myself that I am comfortable with doing and not beat myself up if it doesn't alway go according to plan.
That if I reach out and open up people do care even tho my experiences are outside their understanding.
The manager mentioned me going back to work and said he was running it past the boss over him a few days ago. Today he said I can go back when am ready.
This whole situation and my responses to it has taught me so much I can't even begin to describe.
One is I am way more liked then I ever imagined and have been missed. That my leaving as I did hurt people but they are prepared to give me another chance. That is humbling.
My negative feelings about myself are MINE. They are not vibes from other people. Feelings are not facts. I assume too much when I am in that negative zone.
Nothing I commit to has to be forever. I can give enough of myself that I am comfortable with doing and not beat myself up if it doesn't alway go according to plan.
That if I reach out and open up people do care even tho my experiences are outside their understanding.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Ladybird579
I've been visiting the coffee place all week and re-connecting with friends there and making new ones. It feels like home to me now I've remembered how home feels.
The manager mentioned me going back to work and said he was running it past the boss over him a few days ago. Today he said I can go back when am ready.
This whole situation and my responses to it has taught me so much I can't even begin to describe.
One is I am way more liked then I ever imagined and have been missed. That my leaving as I did hurt people but they are prepared to give me another chance. That is humbling.
My negative feelings about myself are MINE. They are not vibes from other people. Feelings are not facts. I assume too much when I am in that negative zone.
Nothing I commit to has to be forever. I can give enough of myself that I am comfortable with doing and not beat myself up if it doesn't alway go according to plan.
That if I reach out and open up people do care even tho my experiences are outside their understanding.
The manager mentioned me going back to work and said he was running it past the boss over him a few days ago. Today he said I can go back when am ready.
This whole situation and my responses to it has taught me so much I can't even begin to describe.
One is I am way more liked then I ever imagined and have been missed. That my leaving as I did hurt people but they are prepared to give me another chance. That is humbling.
My negative feelings about myself are MINE. They are not vibes from other people. Feelings are not facts. I assume too much when I am in that negative zone.
Nothing I commit to has to be forever. I can give enough of myself that I am comfortable with doing and not beat myself up if it doesn't alway go according to plan.
That if I reach out and open up people do care even tho my experiences are outside their understanding.
Print your post out and put it somewhere you can reread it when feelings start to feel like facts again (because they will at various points in your life), when you are struggling to find humility need to face your fears, and when you are scared to give someone else a second go when they apologise and ask for one.
Lovely post to read. Thanks for sharing.
BB
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
What a happy update! I had a feeling that's what would happen if you stuck around for a bit. I know *I* have seen TREMENDOUS growth in you from the way you were when you first came around here. And I know you only from your posts!
I've talked before about how I've noticed you sometimes tend to look at things in a black-and-white way. This is another example where there is a lot more nuance, and a lot more possibility, than is obvious on first glance or first emotional reaction.
Good job!! Proud of ya!
I've talked before about how I've noticed you sometimes tend to look at things in a black-and-white way. This is another example where there is a lot more nuance, and a lot more possibility, than is obvious on first glance or first emotional reaction.
Good job!! Proud of ya!
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