Melissa79

I have been with my husband for 20years and since I've known him he has always drank, everyday! It was only beer in the beginning but for the past 18 years it has been scotch. And has increased in the amount. He finishes on average a 1.14 litre bottle every second day. Sometimes an entire bottle! His stomach is bloated, his eyes yellow, he forgets everything, he is mean and violent, he throws up in his sleep, I have to keep him on his side so he doesn't choke. And he doesn't think he has a problem.
How much more will his body endure?

ardy

not much Dear Heart not much.. I have to ask are you both over 45 years of age... acid reflux will hit him soon or later.. he will be snoring really hard in the late part of the night.. sick to his tummy and pain in his chest..
I know what you are going throw so much.. my Eddie Lee was a big drinker.. and before he met me a huge drug user... at 62 years old.. we are now on a different med for Acid Reflux.. will he die soon.. no .. kiddo.. the body fights to stay around.. for the brain does not understand what is happening to it.. true...... I am sorry all. have to help a bit.....
but you need to do something for yourself.. this forum has been my life raft.. found this group of great people about 3 years ago now.. without them and my private blog for pain and thoughts don't know what I would have done.. prayers dear heart and so much love and hope.. ardy

Melissa79

Hi, thanks
To answer your question he just turned 46, I am 37. He already has the really hard loud snoring!!! And recently started waking in the night for the washroom which he never use to do. I am in good health except I have an ulcer which I am on meds for, my dr says it is stress related. My husband refuses to see Drs so I have no clue what's going on with him. But I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Maudcat

Hi, Melissa. Welcome. Glad you found us.
I think the more pertinent question to ask is, how much more can you endure?
My alcoholic sib should be dead. He has had withdrawal seizures, he has neurological damage from his years of drinking, he falls and can't get up, he is bloated and red faced. I can only imagine the state of his internal system as he won't go to a doctor.
Yet...he lives on.
I recommend checking out Al-Anon if you are not already going. It is a great source of support for people troubled by a loved one's drinking.

Melissa79

I want to say I don't want to leave, but truth is I really don't want to live like this. I quit my job last week because I am up with my husband so late and then during the night. I was always tired. And anything that happens is always my fault in his eyes. I feel like I would be leaving him in his time of need. We have three children too, they are grown now 16,17 and 19. I try really hard to make them understand that drinking is not good in excess but I'm so nervous they will end up like their dad! That is my worse fear!!

Melissa79

I must say it is really good to talk about this. I don't have family except my grandmother who I can not tell about this, she lives 7 hours away from us anyway. And my husbands family well, they know and yet they say nothing, I have tried talking to them and it falls on deaf ears.

MarkTwain

Sounds like you're worried and fearful for everyone but yourself. You could possibly be in worse shape than he is.

Self-survival is the first inalienable right of every individual on the planet.

Fusion

Hi Melissa, if your husband stops drinking now, then his body will begin to heal from the damage inflicted by alcohol, to a greater or lesser extent, but certainly an enormous improvement from daily drinking, and such that you won't have to worry about him anymore.

Has he tried to stop drinking, ever?

Forward12

This sounds like a rough situation, though in the end there is really nothing you can do about it to get him to stop drinking or seek help unless he wants to.
The codependent/alcoholic relationship is a very toxic one where both keep enabling each other creating an out of control situation for both.
Alanon I think would be a great thing to start attending to get your own recovery started.

sva777

I know he has to want to stop drinking to actually try and stop but this sounds like it is spiraling out of control. I could have been I the same situation as your husband had my wife not had an intervention. At the time I was angry and upset, felt the world was against me, I felt I had it all under control. Looking back 2+ years it was the best gift she could have given me and I decided I did want to change or lose her.

Something has to be done in your situation or it will only get worse and that is a fact.

Anna

Melissa, at this point, I really hope you focus on taking care of yourself and your children. It would be wonderful if your husband decided to change his life, but, it doesn't sound like that will happen. You deserve a good life. Can you get some therapy or go to AlAnon? And, please continue to read and post here.

Berrybean

Hi Melissa,

Sorry for what brings you here, but so glad you found us and are finalky able to talk about this stuff.

Have you spotted the Friends and Family of Alcoholics area yet? If not, here is the link... Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
It is probably worth double posting your original message in there, as some of the folks that hang out there have walked this path before you and will have lots of experience, strength and hope to share but may well not come to the Newcomers area.

I would say thee is no way of knowing how much longer he will last like this. Could be months or years. Thing is, he has abandoned himself, and you can't do anything gets to change this while he's unwilling to stop what he's doing.

I'd also suggest getting along to AlAnon meetings locally and get what support you can from the people you meet there. You do not need to be alone through this.

Again, welcome to the forum.

Prayers for you, and for your husband.
BB

Mizzuno

This is such a serious situation. Save yourself. You are not meant to waste your life away taking care of someone with this affliction. I mean, you quit your job to monitor the health of someone who is drinking himself to death? You must take charge of YOUR life and live it to its fullest.

Al Anon?
Counselor?
Family?

God Bless.

ardy

oh how do you say that acid reflux over the counter.. it will help you too...

and do some yogi it will help center your mind.. connect to the medical net..and it will help you with the problems he has.. keep a note book in the kitchen.. or your sewing room... write each day in it from the day before what have you observed and record it.. when things get really bad and you need answers for the EMT's or ER it will help.. yep....
omeprazole oral : Uses, Side Effects, Interactions, Pictures - WebMD
http://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-37...ole.../details
Find patient medical information for omeprazole oral on WebMD including its uses, ... to treat certain stomach and esophagus problems (such as acid reflux, ulcers). ... If you are self-treating with this medication, over-the-counter omeprazole ... Ed has been on it a week and a couple of days he is so much better.. I have started taking this for heart burn.. and it helps... check with your Doc.. please...

Fusion

Melissa, I confess to speed-reading and not absorbing the fact that his eyes are yellow and you've given up your job to 'care for him'. Therefore I'll add to my previous post - you need to care for yourself. If he has no intention to stop drinking, or he's never sought guidance for stopping drinking (such as speaking to his doctor, exploring the Internet, AA and other recovery methods etc., registering with this website, as you have) then why should you suffer what he's inflicting on you and himself.

This is a sorry statement for me to make, but as the previously, alcohol addicted wife, who tried to stop drinking for years (AA) etc., but it was only when my husband said he was thinking of leaving (because he didn't want to stand by and watch me drink myself to death) that I finally took action and stopped drinking, forever, by following the guidance of the good folks in Secular Connections, right here on SR. although the same guidance works, whether religious/spiritual.

The bottom line is, your husband has to take steps to help himself. Have you issued him with an ultimatum, stop drinking or I'll leave you? Or are you content to become his carer, as he drinks towards the inevitable, sooner or later, probably foreshortened, end of his life?

Gottalife

I have heard a few recovered alcoholics talk about how their life changed when their partner started with Alanon. Seems like it could help both of you.

Fusion

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but from what you wrote, could you be suggesting that part of the drink problem/solution, is the fact that the non-addicted person, Melissa, doesn't attend Alanon?

Midwest1981

Melissa-

I am so sorry you are going through this. Have you ever thought about taking a break? maybe getting your own apartment for awhile?

You don't have to take care of him....he is doing this to himself and needs to decide to get help.

aasharon90

I'm so glad you are reaching out asking
questions, seeking help, guidance in this
serious situation in your life.

Addiction is sooooo serious and is such
an epidemic in the world that affects all
walks of life.

I will share my own ESH, experience,
strength and hope of what my life was
like before, during and after my addiction
to alcohol in hopes that something may
be of some help to you.

I was the one in our 25 yr marriage that
had problems with addiction the first 7
yrs then entered recovery via a family
intervention some 26 yrs ago.

I hide my addiction very well where no
one ever sensed I had a drinking problem
until the progression of this disease began
to take its toll on me in a short amount of
time.

Feb, 1990 was an accident where I was
the only one involved at 2 in the morning.
I spent 10 days in the hospital before I
was released and healed quite well in
several months using just pain pills, no
alcohol.

Come Aug. 1990, I picked up a drink
right back where I left off in Feb to
return home at 2 in the morning once
again to another argument then I dared
I would just end my miserable failure
as a wife, mom and alcohol.

I downed a hand full of various pain
pills left over from my accident with
no thoughts of the consequences of
my actions would have on my little
ones and family.

The next morning family stepped into
action when my babies couldn't wake
me up and that started the ball rolling
as to what will happen later that day.

After I woke up and threw up all in my
system, I appeared to be well but husband
wanted to take me to the hospital to get
my stomach pumped but failed to because
I fought him off with every ounce of strength
I had till he let go of me.

I later found out that my husband had
a well care program for family members
who needed help with different problems
associated with mental, physical, emotional
situations with his job/company.

From there it was suggested that in order
to get me help with my mental state of mind
of acturally harming myself with taking those
pills and the kids unable to wake me up, so
there had to be a court order to have the
authorities to pick me up and taken to a hospital
to be evaluated by a phyciatrist.

I was taken in without incident, little me,
who wouldnt hurt a flee, evaluated and
passed their test. Then I was told that
the only thing wrong with me was I had
a drinking problem and that I would need
to stay for awhile to learn how to quit drinking
and learn about my addiction and receive
a program of recovery to incorporate in all
areas of my life once I returned home.

2 weeks came and passed when they told
me that I wasn't ready to return to my home
enviroment and that they wanted to send
me to a halfway house. Of course I talked them
into not sending me away further away from my
babies and if I stayed where I was in rehab
for the entire 28 day program then I would
do all that I needed to do to be released by
then.

I did complete my 28 days and did finish
up a 6 week outpatient aftercare program
as well and continued on my road of recovery
each day doing whatever I needed to do
to remain sober incorporating this AA program
of recovery to achieve health, happiness and
honesty in all my affairs.

I have remained sober because it is what
I wanted more so than anything in my life
for with out it then I would have nothing.

No life, no family, no nothing cause I
would end up dead.

I am thankful that my family stepped in
to help me when I didn't want nor needed
help on my own. For them, my Faith and
the program of AA, I owe them my life.

Maybe an intervention could help you
in getting your husband help to live because
he is too young to die, but too sick to realize it.

Just a suggestion of course.

Stay strong and take care of you because
you are worth it too.

NewRomanMan

You are not obliged to stay with your husband "in his hour of need". You are not obliged to stick around and watch him die. You are not obliged to spend another single minute putting your life on hold for someone who cares only about one thing: Drinking. Alcohol is his wife. Not you. You were usurped long ago. I apologize if this is too blunt. It's not my intention to hurt anyone. Prayers for you and your family.