Is my husband going to die soon?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 125
Melissa,
You are in a bad spot. I do not know what part of the world you are in but there are people that can give you options. Like social workers and health care professionals. Including admitting him against his will into a detox program. You mentioned yellow eyes, that's bad. His body is becoming toxic to itself. The chances of him being able to detox on his own are slim and dangerous.
Talk with someone who deals or has dealt with this. Then make the decision that is best for you. Simply leaving will just shift the caretaker responsibilities to your children unless you have a place to take them also.
Wishing you the best...
You are in a bad spot. I do not know what part of the world you are in but there are people that can give you options. Like social workers and health care professionals. Including admitting him against his will into a detox program. You mentioned yellow eyes, that's bad. His body is becoming toxic to itself. The chances of him being able to detox on his own are slim and dangerous.
Talk with someone who deals or has dealt with this. Then make the decision that is best for you. Simply leaving will just shift the caretaker responsibilities to your children unless you have a place to take them also.
Wishing you the best...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Melissa - your opening post was so painful to read. Maybe it was the descriptive nature of it. I could see it - feel it...
And your love for him... turning him on his side... your worry.
Painful to read.
My wife stopped me drinking eight days ago. She simply broke down in despair and I couldn't stand it.
Oh I was angry at her at first. I felt nagged. Emotionally bullied.
Eight days later I feel that I owe every second of my eight days to her because without her there would be no eight days. There would be no eight hours, minutes or even seconds.
You need to implore him. Show him it is now or never. Then if he doesn't change you must leave him. You wont be abandoning him. You will be potentially saving his life. So "yes" is my answer to your question.
He's going to die sooner rather than later.
And your love for him... turning him on his side... your worry.
Painful to read.
My wife stopped me drinking eight days ago. She simply broke down in despair and I couldn't stand it.
Oh I was angry at her at first. I felt nagged. Emotionally bullied.
Eight days later I feel that I owe every second of my eight days to her because without her there would be no eight days. There would be no eight hours, minutes or even seconds.
You need to implore him. Show him it is now or never. Then if he doesn't change you must leave him. You wont be abandoning him. You will be potentially saving his life. So "yes" is my answer to your question.
He's going to die sooner rather than later.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I am so sorry, this sounds awful...
If there was some way of getting him to a doctor or hospital, perhaps hearing the hard truth from professionals the real impact his drinking is having on his health and future.
If there was some way of getting him to a doctor or hospital, perhaps hearing the hard truth from professionals the real impact his drinking is having on his health and future.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
My boyfriend had all the symptoms you described and died at age 39 of heart failure several years ago. He was a heavy drinker and overweight as well. His eyes and skin were yellow. He was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis/cirrhosis about a year before he died.
I am so sorry. Everybody is different. But the yellowing is a bad sign indeed. Prayers to you. Please take everyone's advice and get some help for you and take care of yourself.
I am so sorry. Everybody is different. But the yellowing is a bad sign indeed. Prayers to you. Please take everyone's advice and get some help for you and take care of yourself.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Tatsy 
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but from what you wrote, could you be suggesting that part of the drink problem/solution, is the fact that the non-addicted person, Melissa, doesn't attend Alanon?
Enablers are a big part of the problem by the way. Employers, friends, loved ones have been known to cover up, make excuses, and lie for the sick one. While this goes on there is not much likelihood the sick one will take responsibility for themselves. Friends, family, employers who are honest and do not tolerate the behaviour, are much more helpful. My experience, not my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through Melissa. I second, third, fourth what everyone has already said, please get some help/support for yourself. Please also seek medical help if your husband is willing to quit drinking, from what you describe he is in a bad state and stopping on his own, without the help of medical professionals, could be extremely dangerous.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
You poor lady x
Until he accepts he has a problem than there isn't a lot you can do. Deep down he knows.
As the others say, you need to take care of yourself and the children. Your husband is a grown adult who has to take the responsibility xx
Originally Posted by Melissa79
no, he doesn't think he has a problem.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by aasharon90
I'm so glad you are reaching out asking
questions, seeking help, guidance in this
serious situation in your life.
Addiction is sooooo serious and is such
an epidemic in the world that affects all
walks of life.
I will share my own ESH, experience,
strength and hope of what my life was
like before, during and after my addiction
to alcohol in hopes that something may
be of some help to you.
I was the one in our 25 yr marriage that
had problems with addiction the first 7
yrs then entered recovery via a family
intervention some 26 yrs ago.
I hide my addiction very well where no
one ever sensed I had a drinking problem
until the progression of this disease began
to take its toll on me in a short amount of
time.
Feb, 1990 was an accident where I was
the only one involved at 2 in the morning.
I spent 10 days in the hospital before I
was released and healed quite well in
several months using just pain pills, no
alcohol.
Come Aug. 1990, I picked up a drink
right back where I left off in Feb to
return home at 2 in the morning once
again to another argument then I dared
I would just end my miserable failure
as a wife, mom and alcohol.
I downed a hand full of various pain
pills left over from my accident with
no thoughts of the consequences of
my actions would have on my little
ones and family.
The next morning family stepped into
action when my babies couldn't wake
me up and that started the ball rolling
as to what will happen later that day.
After I woke up and threw up all in my
system, I appeared to be well but husband
wanted to take me to the hospital to get
my stomach pumped but failed to because
I fought him off with every ounce of strength
I had till he let go of me.
I later found out that my husband had
a well care program for family members
who needed help with different problems
associated with mental, physical, emotional
situations with his job/company.
From there it was suggested that in order
to get me help with my mental state of mind
of acturally harming myself with taking those
pills and the kids unable to wake me up, so
there had to be a court order to have the
authorities to pick me up and taken to a hospital
to be evaluated by a phyciatrist.
I was taken in without incident, little me,
who wouldnt hurt a flee, evaluated and
passed their test. Then I was told that
the only thing wrong with me was I had
a drinking problem and that I would need
to stay for awhile to learn how to quit drinking
and learn about my addiction and receive
a program of recovery to incorporate in all
areas of my life once I returned home.
2 weeks came and passed when they told
me that I wasn't ready to return to my home
enviroment and that they wanted to send
me to a halfway house. Of course I talked them
into not sending me away further away from my
babies and if I stayed where I was in rehab
for the entire 28 day program then I would
do all that I needed to do to be released by
then.
I did complete my 28 days and did finish
up a 6 week outpatient aftercare program
as well and continued on my road of recovery
each day doing whatever I needed to do
to remain sober incorporating this AA program
of recovery to achieve health, happiness and
honesty in all my affairs.
I have remained sober because it is what
I wanted more so than anything in my life
for with out it then I would have nothing.
No life, no family, no nothing cause I
would end up dead.
I am thankful that my family stepped in
to help me when I didn't want nor needed
help on my own. For them, my Faith and
the program of AA, I owe them my life.
Maybe an intervention could help you
in getting your husband help to live because
he is too young to die, but too sick to realize it.
Just a suggestion of course.
Stay strong and take care of you because
you are worth it too.
questions, seeking help, guidance in this
serious situation in your life.
Addiction is sooooo serious and is such
an epidemic in the world that affects all
walks of life.
I will share my own ESH, experience,
strength and hope of what my life was
like before, during and after my addiction
to alcohol in hopes that something may
be of some help to you.
I was the one in our 25 yr marriage that
had problems with addiction the first 7
yrs then entered recovery via a family
intervention some 26 yrs ago.
I hide my addiction very well where no
one ever sensed I had a drinking problem
until the progression of this disease began
to take its toll on me in a short amount of
time.
Feb, 1990 was an accident where I was
the only one involved at 2 in the morning.
I spent 10 days in the hospital before I
was released and healed quite well in
several months using just pain pills, no
alcohol.
Come Aug. 1990, I picked up a drink
right back where I left off in Feb to
return home at 2 in the morning once
again to another argument then I dared
I would just end my miserable failure
as a wife, mom and alcohol.
I downed a hand full of various pain
pills left over from my accident with
no thoughts of the consequences of
my actions would have on my little
ones and family.
The next morning family stepped into
action when my babies couldn't wake
me up and that started the ball rolling
as to what will happen later that day.
After I woke up and threw up all in my
system, I appeared to be well but husband
wanted to take me to the hospital to get
my stomach pumped but failed to because
I fought him off with every ounce of strength
I had till he let go of me.
I later found out that my husband had
a well care program for family members
who needed help with different problems
associated with mental, physical, emotional
situations with his job/company.
From there it was suggested that in order
to get me help with my mental state of mind
of acturally harming myself with taking those
pills and the kids unable to wake me up, so
there had to be a court order to have the
authorities to pick me up and taken to a hospital
to be evaluated by a phyciatrist.
I was taken in without incident, little me,
who wouldnt hurt a flee, evaluated and
passed their test. Then I was told that
the only thing wrong with me was I had
a drinking problem and that I would need
to stay for awhile to learn how to quit drinking
and learn about my addiction and receive
a program of recovery to incorporate in all
areas of my life once I returned home.
2 weeks came and passed when they told
me that I wasn't ready to return to my home
enviroment and that they wanted to send
me to a halfway house. Of course I talked them
into not sending me away further away from my
babies and if I stayed where I was in rehab
for the entire 28 day program then I would
do all that I needed to do to be released by
then.
I did complete my 28 days and did finish
up a 6 week outpatient aftercare program
as well and continued on my road of recovery
each day doing whatever I needed to do
to remain sober incorporating this AA program
of recovery to achieve health, happiness and
honesty in all my affairs.
I have remained sober because it is what
I wanted more so than anything in my life
for with out it then I would have nothing.
No life, no family, no nothing cause I
would end up dead.
I am thankful that my family stepped in
to help me when I didn't want nor needed
help on my own. For them, my Faith and
the program of AA, I owe them my life.
Maybe an intervention could help you
in getting your husband help to live because
he is too young to die, but too sick to realize it.
Just a suggestion of course.
Stay strong and take care of you because
you are worth it too.
I just want to give everyone who might have missed this a chance to read it. I'm not suggesting it relates to Melissa's husband in this thread. In fact, I think AASharon's story should have its own discussion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 6
thank you everyone for your advice. I think the only option at this point is to leave.
He does not believe he is dong anything wrong. I feel like i am losing myself. Everyday is a struggle to stay "in the game". Yes, i have covered fro him many times and lied for his actions, But i stopped! I am beyond tired of living this way. And i have given him the ultimatum, he stops or i leave and he doesn't care.
So i guess i have my answer.
He does not believe he is dong anything wrong. I feel like i am losing myself. Everyday is a struggle to stay "in the game". Yes, i have covered fro him many times and lied for his actions, But i stopped! I am beyond tired of living this way. And i have given him the ultimatum, he stops or i leave and he doesn't care.
So i guess i have my answer.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by Melissa79
... I feel like i am losing myself.....
As you recover yourself, you'll have the chance to be there for yourself and your children.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
The Friends and Family section here can help you with your situation.
They will listen to you and support you and give you valuable information. You won't feel alone in this anymore.
They will listen to you and support you and give you valuable information. You won't feel alone in this anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi Dear Heart and all.. I needed to re-read your post again.. my hubby is now a Barrett's cancer.. in the last 2 weeks it has been a huge walk down a very dark road..
1. he will die
2. I have come to gripes with this.. as I write this my tears are just to much
3. I have to re balance my life now for the end will come and my life has to go on
4. He is sick so terribly.. my Grandfather the farmer in me says often even dumb animals are saved this type of pain..
5. no kids and beans I will not harm him or allow him to harm me.. love my hubby Eddie lee with his great blue eyes and twinkle..
I drive home from work at 3:30 and play the oldies station.. the song Take my Breath Away... I pulled over in a parking lot and cried so hard.. officer came and sat with me for half an hour.. he cried for me and so many of us.. as his Mom just died from this last year.. he is a good sport....
I do shout to God why does this have to happen ... please God help us.. Help Eddie Lee Help so many on these pages.. and all I can do is have tears..
you Try You Fail You Try You Fail the only Time you Really Fail is when you stop Trying..... So we have a date with the UW Carbone Cancer hospital for a looking into Eddie's throat to Tummy and all the parts in that section.. maybe just maybe they will have an answer or a hug for the next couple of years to come..
Love to you all.. hope and prayers and a Blooming Daffy Dilly in bright yellow to help you smile.. love ardy
1. he will die
2. I have come to gripes with this.. as I write this my tears are just to much
3. I have to re balance my life now for the end will come and my life has to go on
4. He is sick so terribly.. my Grandfather the farmer in me says often even dumb animals are saved this type of pain..
5. no kids and beans I will not harm him or allow him to harm me.. love my hubby Eddie lee with his great blue eyes and twinkle..
I drive home from work at 3:30 and play the oldies station.. the song Take my Breath Away... I pulled over in a parking lot and cried so hard.. officer came and sat with me for half an hour.. he cried for me and so many of us.. as his Mom just died from this last year.. he is a good sport....
I do shout to God why does this have to happen ... please God help us.. Help Eddie Lee Help so many on these pages.. and all I can do is have tears..
you Try You Fail You Try You Fail the only Time you Really Fail is when you stop Trying..... So we have a date with the UW Carbone Cancer hospital for a looking into Eddie's throat to Tummy and all the parts in that section.. maybe just maybe they will have an answer or a hug for the next couple of years to come..
Love to you all.. hope and prayers and a Blooming Daffy Dilly in bright yellow to help you smile.. love ardy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
