This is me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 4
This is me
Hi guys,
I've been a bit of a hooligan my whole life - everything to excess. I considered myself lucky though - alcohol was never my poison and I could never fathom how folk could get so addicted to it. Anyhow, once I'd quit my hundreds of other vices i discovered to my dismay that I was hopelessly hooked to booze. No problem I thought. I had quit cigarettes so how hard can booze be?
Ugghhh. It's been about 3 years since my moment of revelation that I'm a drunk...and countless attempts to quit later i find myself here...licking my wounds and scratching my head.
Trouble is, my friends prefer the hooligan so not much support there. I'm starting to change my friends as a result.
What i hate is my jeckel and hyde - when i am on the straight and narrow i jog, eat green things and go to bed early. Then i crash off the wagon (bringing everyone down with me) and go on benders that last months.
I made a very serious attempt to quit 2 years ago and went 6 happy months. I was fit, i lost my booze flab and I even had a twinkle in my eye. Then one flippant night i had a glass of wine...which resulted in going straight back into my binging ways.
Anyhow, last year i stopped for 3 months and once again on a whim one night i convinced myself i was "cured" and i trashed all my good work with a monster bender.
I seem to do so well and then a little devil sits on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings and i crumble in a moment of weakness. Every damn time. And then i am wretched and miserable afterwards...and obvs a nice little drinkie 'helps' when I'm feeling like that.
Anyhow here we are again except this time I accept that I am an alcoholic and I accept that non drinkers don't go through this drama all the time. I also understand that those fleeting whims are going to get me straight back to where I was before - fat, drunk and feeling like carp.
Sorry if that was a bit ranty...just so cross with myself not being able to stop harming myself like this when it's pretty obvious how miserable it makes me.
I'm 20 days sober now and feeling great. Started jogging again and am attending a slimming club near me. I'm hoping to retire in 6 months and cannot do that as a drinker so i guess that's the incentive.
For those who made it this far...thanks for reading
I've been a bit of a hooligan my whole life - everything to excess. I considered myself lucky though - alcohol was never my poison and I could never fathom how folk could get so addicted to it. Anyhow, once I'd quit my hundreds of other vices i discovered to my dismay that I was hopelessly hooked to booze. No problem I thought. I had quit cigarettes so how hard can booze be?
Ugghhh. It's been about 3 years since my moment of revelation that I'm a drunk...and countless attempts to quit later i find myself here...licking my wounds and scratching my head.
Trouble is, my friends prefer the hooligan so not much support there. I'm starting to change my friends as a result.
What i hate is my jeckel and hyde - when i am on the straight and narrow i jog, eat green things and go to bed early. Then i crash off the wagon (bringing everyone down with me) and go on benders that last months.
I made a very serious attempt to quit 2 years ago and went 6 happy months. I was fit, i lost my booze flab and I even had a twinkle in my eye. Then one flippant night i had a glass of wine...which resulted in going straight back into my binging ways.
Anyhow, last year i stopped for 3 months and once again on a whim one night i convinced myself i was "cured" and i trashed all my good work with a monster bender.
I seem to do so well and then a little devil sits on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings and i crumble in a moment of weakness. Every damn time. And then i am wretched and miserable afterwards...and obvs a nice little drinkie 'helps' when I'm feeling like that.
Anyhow here we are again except this time I accept that I am an alcoholic and I accept that non drinkers don't go through this drama all the time. I also understand that those fleeting whims are going to get me straight back to where I was before - fat, drunk and feeling like carp.
Sorry if that was a bit ranty...just so cross with myself not being able to stop harming myself like this when it's pretty obvious how miserable it makes me.
I'm 20 days sober now and feeling great. Started jogging again and am attending a slimming club near me. I'm hoping to retire in 6 months and cannot do that as a drinker so i guess that's the incentive.
For those who made it this far...thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: England, Wiltshire
Posts: 2,718
Originally Posted by HereKitty 
Hi guys,
I've been a bit of a hooligan my whole life - everything to excess. I considered myself lucky though - alcohol was never my poison and I could never fathom how folk could get so addicted to it. Anyhow, once I'd quit my hundreds of other vices i discovered to my dismay that I was hopelessly hooked to booze. No problem I thought. I had quit cigarettes so how hard can booze be?
Ugghhh. It's been about 3 years since my moment of revelation that I'm a drunk...and countless attempts to quit later i find myself here...licking my wounds and scratching my head.
Trouble is, my friends prefer the hooligan so not much support there. I'm starting to change my friends as a result.
What i hate is my jeckel and hyde - when i am on the straight and narrow i jog, eat green things and go to bed early. Then i crash off the wagon (bringing everyone down with me) and go on benders that last months.
I made a very serious attempt to quit 2 years ago and went 6 happy months. I was fit, i lost my booze flab and I even had a twinkle in my eye. Then one flippant night i had a glass of wine...which resulted in going straight back into my binging ways.
Anyhow, last year i stopped for 3 months and once again on a whim one night i convinced myself i was "cured" and i trashed all my good work with a monster bender.
I seem to do so well and then a little devil sits on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings and i crumble in a moment of weakness. Every damn time. And then i am wretched and miserable afterwards...and obvs a nice little drinkie 'helps' when I'm feeling like that.
Anyhow here we are again except this time I accept that I am an alcoholic and I accept that non drinkers don't go through this drama all the time. I also understand that those fleeting whims are going to get me straight back to where I was before - fat, drunk and feeling like carp.
Sorry if that was a bit ranty...just so cross with myself not being able to stop harming myself like this when it's pretty obvious how miserable it makes me.
I'm 20 days sober now and feeling great. Started jogging again and am attending a slimming club near me. I'm hoping to retire in 6 months and cannot do that as a drinker so i guess that's the incentive.
For those who made it this far...thanks for reading
I've been a bit of a hooligan my whole life - everything to excess. I considered myself lucky though - alcohol was never my poison and I could never fathom how folk could get so addicted to it. Anyhow, once I'd quit my hundreds of other vices i discovered to my dismay that I was hopelessly hooked to booze. No problem I thought. I had quit cigarettes so how hard can booze be?
Ugghhh. It's been about 3 years since my moment of revelation that I'm a drunk...and countless attempts to quit later i find myself here...licking my wounds and scratching my head.
Trouble is, my friends prefer the hooligan so not much support there. I'm starting to change my friends as a result.
What i hate is my jeckel and hyde - when i am on the straight and narrow i jog, eat green things and go to bed early. Then i crash off the wagon (bringing everyone down with me) and go on benders that last months.
I made a very serious attempt to quit 2 years ago and went 6 happy months. I was fit, i lost my booze flab and I even had a twinkle in my eye. Then one flippant night i had a glass of wine...which resulted in going straight back into my binging ways.
Anyhow, last year i stopped for 3 months and once again on a whim one night i convinced myself i was "cured" and i trashed all my good work with a monster bender.
I seem to do so well and then a little devil sits on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings and i crumble in a moment of weakness. Every damn time. And then i am wretched and miserable afterwards...and obvs a nice little drinkie 'helps' when I'm feeling like that.
Anyhow here we are again except this time I accept that I am an alcoholic and I accept that non drinkers don't go through this drama all the time. I also understand that those fleeting whims are going to get me straight back to where I was before - fat, drunk and feeling like carp.
Sorry if that was a bit ranty...just so cross with myself not being able to stop harming myself like this when it's pretty obvious how miserable it makes me.
I'm 20 days sober now and feeling great. Started jogging again and am attending a slimming club near me. I'm hoping to retire in 6 months and cannot do that as a drinker so i guess that's the incentive.
For those who made it this far...thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oregon, West Coast, U.S.
Posts: 393
Hi there and welcome. I definitely understand what you mean about the back and forth between a healthy lifestyle and going on binges. I tend to binge drink and then feel like crap, then try to "make up" for it by eating healthy and exercising for a while, then back at it again.
I wish you the best and congrats on 30 days, that's a great accomplishment. Just keep going and don't give in when that voice comes back telling you to "just have one." I know exactly how it is, I have that same voice in my head. Choose sobriety every time. Best of luck to you!
I wish you the best and congrats on 30 days, that's a great accomplishment. Just keep going and don't give in when that voice comes back telling you to "just have one." I know exactly how it is, I have that same voice in my head. Choose sobriety every time. Best of luck to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome HereKitty
I found joining SR helped keep me focused on staying quit and helped remind me that I really was that bad.
I hope you'll find this community can really help you turn your life around
D
I found joining SR helped keep me focused on staying quit and helped remind me that I really was that bad.
I hope you'll find this community can really help you turn your life around
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 4
Thanks so much everyone. This is the first time I've ever felt supported in my efforts to quit (other than my OH who is hugely supportive). When it comes to most addictions or bad habits society is quick to denounce them and embrace efforts to be free of them. Alcohol seems to be unique in that not only is it legal, it's almost the norm to drink and those who don't drink feel apologetic about it.
It seems to be especially hard to quit because friends/colleagues don't believe it for a second and almost push booze onto you.
Or maybe it's just me haha...perhaps i threatened to quit so often that it's like the boy who cried wolf!!
Thanks for the welcome - it means a lot!!
It seems to be especially hard to quit because friends/colleagues don't believe it for a second and almost push booze onto you.
Or maybe it's just me haha...perhaps i threatened to quit so often that it's like the boy who cried wolf!!
Thanks for the welcome - it means a lot!!
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