I'm hurting so much
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oregon, West Coast, U.S.
Posts: 393
I'm hurting so much
Physically and especially emotionally. I'm sad. I can't sleep. I feel absolutely insignificant. Why do I keep wasting these days? I just want to be with my youngest daughter and have her love me.
I'm sure my oldest can't stand me already. I just want us to be kind to each other. My job is the only place where people are nice to me really. I'm just too upset to go anywhere or get anything done. I let it all build and then I just lose the strength to keep going. I'm not suicidal, I want to live, I want to be healthy and strong and loved. But when is that gonna happen if I'm almost 35 and I feel like such a failure now. Yes, I feel sad and depressed much of the time, and don't want to go anywhere and I don't get anything accomplished. How can I do it all when I feel so hurt inside? I need to be here, I need to be reading and working on a plan. Well it's 2am on Monday morning now, what a waste of another day. Just wish I had someone to give me a hug and tell me things are gonna be alright. I'm so broken, I just go thru life not even realizing it most of the time. I need to be here for others, but I do wonder will anyone ever here for me? I'm not intending to sound selfish, I just need to have have some type of self esteem and self care, and love myself. I really want to.
I'm sure my oldest can't stand me already. I just want us to be kind to each other. My job is the only place where people are nice to me really. I'm just too upset to go anywhere or get anything done. I let it all build and then I just lose the strength to keep going. I'm not suicidal, I want to live, I want to be healthy and strong and loved. But when is that gonna happen if I'm almost 35 and I feel like such a failure now. Yes, I feel sad and depressed much of the time, and don't want to go anywhere and I don't get anything accomplished. How can I do it all when I feel so hurt inside? I need to be here, I need to be reading and working on a plan. Well it's 2am on Monday morning now, what a waste of another day. Just wish I had someone to give me a hug and tell me things are gonna be alright. I'm so broken, I just go thru life not even realizing it most of the time. I need to be here for others, but I do wonder will anyone ever here for me? I'm not intending to sound selfish, I just need to have have some type of self esteem and self care, and love myself. I really want to.
Last edited by bronzie; 04-03-2017 at 02:10 AM. Reason: Typos
bronzie xx
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
I found that when I stopped drinking and after a few hard and emotional weeks I started to feel better mentally.... slowly built up more confidence and self worth. This radiated from within and in turn people started to show me more respect and love.
I got clarity and the brain fog, depressing thoughts lifted. But you have to stop drinking to give yourself a chance
If I can do it, you can too. Before November last year I could not get a day 1 under my belt.
Be kind to yourself xx
I got clarity and the brain fog, depressing thoughts lifted. But you have to stop drinking to give yourself a chance
If I can do it, you can too. Before November last year I could not get a day 1 under my belt.
Be kind to yourself xx
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,345
Things never look great when you can't sleep and you're waiting for dawn...
but yeah - when I got sober I couldn't really believe what people told me here - that things would get better - but I figured it was worth a try.
I'm glad I gave it go cos all those people were right - stay sober and it will get better...the moment we put the bottle down for good is an ending, but also a new beginning.
Have a little faith Bronzie - you'll be ok
D
but yeah - when I got sober I couldn't really believe what people told me here - that things would get better - but I figured it was worth a try.
I'm glad I gave it go cos all those people were right - stay sober and it will get better...the moment we put the bottle down for good is an ending, but also a new beginning.
Have a little faith Bronzie - you'll be ok
D
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hey I'm nearly 35 we have our lives back in recovery it's been one heck of a soul searching journey so far & yet it continues ..
I love it Bronzie even the bad days where everything is bleak & grey because I have got through a lot of them days especially so in the beginning it's the hardest thing I have ever done but it has got easier & easier I've realised I can't convince anyone I can only say how messed up my life was before I got sober & the man I am still growing into today
There's going to hard emotional days but try think of this place as the 100 Acre Wood and know we're always going to be here for you x
I love it Bronzie even the bad days where everything is bleak & grey because I have got through a lot of them days especially so in the beginning it's the hardest thing I have ever done but it has got easier & easier I've realised I can't convince anyone I can only say how messed up my life was before I got sober & the man I am still growing into today
There's going to hard emotional days but try think of this place as the 100 Acre Wood and know we're always going to be here for you x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
35 is the new 20.
Hey, it's OK feeling glum and down like this. Means you're human.
Do you have a therapist or counselor as part of your sobriety? I found that really essential in the first couple of years. Just talking about my feelings and working with my emotions - totally unrelated to alcohol - was really essential to my growth and my sobriety altogether.
Hang in there, it'll be great.
Hey, it's OK feeling glum and down like this. Means you're human.
Do you have a therapist or counselor as part of your sobriety? I found that really essential in the first couple of years. Just talking about my feelings and working with my emotions - totally unrelated to alcohol - was really essential to my growth and my sobriety altogether.
Hang in there, it'll be great.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
35 is the new 20.
Hey, it's OK feeling glum and down like this. Means you're human.
Do you have a therapist or counselor as part of your sobriety? I found that really essential in the first couple of years. Just talking about my feelings and working with my emotions - totally unrelated to alcohol - was really essential to my growth and my sobriety altogether.
Hang in there, it'll be great.
Hey, it's OK feeling glum and down like this. Means you're human.
Do you have a therapist or counselor as part of your sobriety? I found that really essential in the first couple of years. Just talking about my feelings and working with my emotions - totally unrelated to alcohol - was really essential to my growth and my sobriety altogether.
Hang in there, it'll be great.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oregon, West Coast, U.S.
Posts: 393
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
35 is the new 20.
Hey, it's OK feeling glum and down like this. Means you're human.
Do you have a therapist or counselor as part of your sobriety? I found that really essential in the first couple of years. Just talking about my feelings and working with my emotions - totally unrelated to alcohol - was really essential to my growth and my sobriety altogether.
Hang in there, it'll be great.
Hey, it's OK feeling glum and down like this. Means you're human.
Do you have a therapist or counselor as part of your sobriety? I found that really essential in the first couple of years. Just talking about my feelings and working with my emotions - totally unrelated to alcohol - was really essential to my growth and my sobriety altogether.
Hang in there, it'll be great.
I had a therapist, but I stopped seeing her. She was nice, but not specialized in handling addiction. I also couldn't be completely honest at the time, but it did help me while I was going. I have contacted my doctor and I will look into getting another therapist as well, and working an AA type of program. Thank you.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oregon, West Coast, U.S.
Posts: 393
Originally Posted by Lava256
I like that 35 is the new 20. I'm 32, Bronzie, and I also feel like I'm starting from scratch. Alcohol has made a mess of the whole of my 20s (though to be honest, there's loads of other underlying issues - alcohol just exacerbated it all) that I don't want to continue like this anymore. A member here wrote in his story that he was advised, in AA, to deal with his addictions (for me demons too) in the order that they would kill him. For me, alcohol is first and foremost. Stop worrying about everything else and prioritise your sobriety. Of course, do care for your kids too. But don't burden yourself with all the troubles in the world. Let it be. You'll handle those other things later.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Look at it this way; make a commitment to yourself to start over completely new without alcohol. Take it one day at a time and one task at a time and always be kind to yourself. You cannot change the past but the future... the future is a blank sheet of paper. You can write on it whatever you want to. And the future starts now.
Stick with sobriety, with making those baby steps towards a healthier life and stick with SR. When I see people like Dee who've been here for 10 years I feel like that's what I want. I want to be here and sober in 2027. That's what I want. And i'd really like it if you were here with me, with all of us. We are all just starting out. You can do this. Just don't give in.
Stick with sobriety, with making those baby steps towards a healthier life and stick with SR. When I see people like Dee who've been here for 10 years I feel like that's what I want. I want to be here and sober in 2027. That's what I want. And i'd really like it if you were here with me, with all of us. We are all just starting out. You can do this. Just don't give in.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by bronzie
I had a therapist, but I stopped seeing her. She was nice, but not specialized in handling addiction. I also couldn't be completely honest at the time, but it did help me while I was going. I have contacted my doctor and I will look into getting another therapist as well, and working an AA type of program. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
You can change this at any moment. It is hard and it may be uncomfortable. Its empowering to take back your life and to stand up to that which is hurting you. There is power in saying no. Power in telling yourself that drinking is not an option and moving forward.
You can do this and you will be better off for it. You have to care enough about yourself to make this change.
You can do this and you will be better off for it. You have to care enough about yourself to make this change.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
life will get much better when you quit drinking FOR GOOD. getting drunk every few days, wicked hangovers, starting the day with a drink, there is NO WAY one can feel anything but wretched. plus alcohol is a depressant, so it's like greasing up the rope and then trying to hang on - you will just keep sliding down farther until you LET GO.
drinking is the problem. there IS a solution. hope is not lost, hope is just waiting for you to find it.
drinking is the problem. there IS a solution. hope is not lost, hope is just waiting for you to find it.
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