No Contact means No Contact!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
No Contact means No Contact!
Left AH one week ago. Kids and I are doing incredibly well. Better than I had imagined.
I needed even less contact, or any unpredictable possibility of it. I had already asked him last week to set up an email account for communication between us. He hasn't done it, and was continuing to text randomly. I find that upsetting.
So today I took the advice of another member. I sent him a text. I reiterated that if he has anything to convey, it needs to happen by email. I then provided him with my email address again. It was also stated that my email would be checked daily at a certain time. I finished up by telling him that I was blocking his texts/calls as soon as my text went out to him.
It feels amazing! No worrying about upsetting messages arriving at any time. Plus, no contact makes all of this so much less challenging. Cutting off another avenue of communication was liberating. I am doing this, and it feels wonderful. All of it. Leaving, being single and peaceful, seeing my children happy again. All 3 started at their new schools today and LOVED their experiences. More anxiety gone from my mind.
Life is good...❤ Thanks for all of the amazing support!
I needed even less contact, or any unpredictable possibility of it. I had already asked him last week to set up an email account for communication between us. He hasn't done it, and was continuing to text randomly. I find that upsetting.
So today I took the advice of another member. I sent him a text. I reiterated that if he has anything to convey, it needs to happen by email. I then provided him with my email address again. It was also stated that my email would be checked daily at a certain time. I finished up by telling him that I was blocking his texts/calls as soon as my text went out to him.
It feels amazing! No worrying about upsetting messages arriving at any time. Plus, no contact makes all of this so much less challenging. Cutting off another avenue of communication was liberating. I am doing this, and it feels wonderful. All of it. Leaving, being single and peaceful, seeing my children happy again. All 3 started at their new schools today and LOVED their experiences. More anxiety gone from my mind.
Life is good...❤ Thanks for all of the amazing support!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
ML,
You are taking your power back and he doesn't know what to do. I hope he won't reach out to your parents or friends if he can't get hold of you.
You sound amazing!! Have you contacted an attorney yet?
Keep moving forward my friend!!
You are taking your power back and he doesn't know what to do. I hope he won't reach out to your parents or friends if he can't get hold of you.
You sound amazing!! Have you contacted an attorney yet?
Keep moving forward my friend!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
Hi Maia,
Yes...I consulted a lawyer. And we have a Separation Agreement in place. (Ontario, Canada) There are only a couple of financial issues to be resolved. Everything else is set.
He does have my parents' number so I hope he won't become a bother. They are kept apprised of new developments and are prepared for anything.
AH and I have a 6-year-old son together. He has yet to ask about him or inquire about visiting. He did the same thing to his daughter from his first marriage. Really sad. But so much better than dealing with someone who can't be trusted or relied upon. My little guy has plenty of family in his life, and, ironically, he hasn't mentioned his Dad, either.
Thanks!
Yes...I consulted a lawyer. And we have a Separation Agreement in place. (Ontario, Canada) There are only a couple of financial issues to be resolved. Everything else is set.
He does have my parents' number so I hope he won't become a bother. They are kept apprised of new developments and are prepared for anything.
AH and I have a 6-year-old son together. He has yet to ask about him or inquire about visiting. He did the same thing to his daughter from his first marriage. Really sad. But so much better than dealing with someone who can't be trusted or relied upon. My little guy has plenty of family in his life, and, ironically, he hasn't mentioned his Dad, either.
Thanks!
Originally Posted by maia1234 
ML,
You are taking your power back and he doesn't know what to do. I hope he won't reach out to your parents or friends if he can't get hold of you.
You sound amazing!! Have you contacted an attorney yet?
Keep moving forward my friend!!
You are taking your power back and he doesn't know what to do. I hope he won't reach out to your parents or friends if he can't get hold of you.
You sound amazing!! Have you contacted an attorney yet?
Keep moving forward my friend!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
If you can, send me thoughts of strength and clarity. There's a teeny, tiny part of me that is entertaining the notion of responding to AH's email from last night. It's a very, very miniscule niggling in the back of my mind, but it's there nonetheless.
I know that the best thing I can do is to not respond. I know that without a doubt. But...well...I suppose it's 'normal' to have a few weaker moments now and then. Best not to act on them, though.
I know that the best thing I can do is to not respond. I know that without a doubt. But...well...I suppose it's 'normal' to have a few weaker moments now and then. Best not to act on them, though.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
reminds me of a time at work, i was cc'd on an email that went to my boss from our division director, and i knew without a doubt he was going to be a) Majorly P!ssed and b) in the midst for furiously typing a scathing reply. i jumped out of my chair ran down the hall and literally cupped my hands under his finger as he was about to hit "enter" to SEND, yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO.
this is where the 24 hour rule comes in. i learned this from a poster who hasn't been around in awhile, Miss Kitty. if you have some response or reaction you want to act on RIGHT NOW, or a big decision, always give yourself 24 hours first. get some rest, sleep on it. it's amazing how with just a bit of time and distance, our perspective can change!
this is where the 24 hour rule comes in. i learned this from a poster who hasn't been around in awhile, Miss Kitty. if you have some response or reaction you want to act on RIGHT NOW, or a big decision, always give yourself 24 hours first. get some rest, sleep on it. it's amazing how with just a bit of time and distance, our perspective can change!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,455
Oh man. I would be tempted to respond, "I'm doing well, thanks for asking."
But really. Not responding at all is best.
You know why? Because it's all he wants. He won't read your words, he won't understand your feelings, he will just feel satisfied that he got you to respond.
I'm not saying its conscious cruelty and manipulation on his part (it might be, I don't know). But it's just as much addict behavior as anything else.
But really. Not responding at all is best.
You know why? Because it's all he wants. He won't read your words, he won't understand your feelings, he will just feel satisfied that he got you to respond.
I'm not saying its conscious cruelty and manipulation on his part (it might be, I don't know). But it's just as much addict behavior as anything else.
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