sadsadgirl

Hi everyone, well I'm back after the worst few weeks of my drinking career. I am down in the dumps. I have plummeted myself into a world of anxiety and depression. Gotta tweak my plan. No men for a least a year. I got involved with a guy from work and well it's all ended so messy. Why couldn't I stop myself? I knew it was a bad idea, just like I know drinking is a bad idea-but still go ahead and do it regardless. I've taken the rest of the week off work so I can get some sober days under my belt and recover a bit. But I have a blinking job interview tomorrow-I'm in no fit state mentally. But gonna go regardless. Urgh why do I do this to myself? Xxx

Anna

I think we do those kinds of things to ourselves because we are lacking self-respect and self-love. I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery.

BringingBackB

I've been exactly where you are many times. My last binge was partly down to me attempting to throw myself into a relationship far too soon. I'm taking things baby steps now, and I kinda like being on my own right now anyway

Best of luck for the interview tomorrow. I hope you can use the time off to tweak your plan and make it bulletproof this time.

sadsadgirl

Thanks for your posts. I'm using any excuse under the sun to continue my drinking. Even getting into a relationship with someone who's just as complicated as me! I just keep trying and trying to get things to be OK with us. He has completely cut me off and threatened to report me to HR if I continue. But I feel so hurt and used by him. I wish I could just hold my head high and not be so needy. The cycle would go-vowing to never speak to him again, then getting drunk in the evening cos I'm feeling lonely, then message him cos my resolve had lessened. Then feeling crippling anxiety the day after in work, knowing that he knows I've gotten drunk the night before-he knows about my alcoholism. In fact he's addicted to weed and benzos, I think that's why I latched on to him in the first place. But he still functions fine in work, whereas I don't. I feel so much shame and embarrassment. I never want to see him again. Thankfully we work in different offices, but he's having to come to my office two weeks time. I just get so mad/sad when I see him. Hopefully a couple of sober weeks under my belt will get me feeling more confident. I don't need him in my life. But I do want him to regret how he's treated me. Screwed up. He was completely punching above his weight too (I know that sounds arrogant!) xxx

Hevyn

Hi sadgirl. I'm sorry for the painful things that have happened - but you're right, some sober time will do wonders. We can't think clearly when we're foggy & numb. I'm glad you haven't given up on a better life for yourself. We know you can do it.

sadsadgirl

Thanks Hevyn! Sorry for the rant, I must come across pretty pathetic. But there's something nice about getting it all down as it flows!

PurpleKnight

Keep pushing through Sadsadgirl!! You can do this!!

kittycat3

What are you going to do to make it stick this time sadgirl?

Dee74

Welcome back sadsadgirl

D

sadsadgirl

Thanks for the messages. What am I doing differently? Well I'm been to the doctors and got some medication for my anxiety, which has had a good effect so far. I have taken time off to get myself feeling better and get enough sober time under my belt. Work is a trigger at the moment. We're all facing redundancy again and that was what triggered my most recent lapse. Actually correction-my AV used it as an excuse to lapse.

I have come off all forms of social media (except for this forum). I don't need any further excuses to make myself feel any worse by comparing my life to others.

I'm keeping myself hydrated and making a commitment to healthy eating. I've also put in a request to get some therapy which should come through in the next couple of weeks.

I'm feeling relieved that I've come to this point. But I am scared, I'm a bit ashamed and worried that I have made an indelible mark on my career-that is all I have going OK in my life. I suppose that this is my problem-I don't have anything else fulfilling me. I do know that by staying sober the next few days I will be able to think straighter, more rationally and that I will be better placed to figure out a sober living life.

uncorked

Hi sadgirl, those are awesome steps!! Impressive! You have a lot of self-awareness and fortitude. Unfortunately, when we drink we lose both. Don't waste another brain cell on this man. He sounds like bad news. He won't regret the way he treated you because he probably treats all women like that and thinks it's ok. Just stay away from him. In fact, erase him from your contacts so you have no way to get in touch. If he is threatening to call HR you really have no choice. It will be easier to maintain your sobriety goals without the distraction and bad influence of a very unhealthy relationship. I left rehab in Dec 2015 and I am just now starting to date. (And it sucks!!! lol) Anyway, keep posting and keep the faith.

MsCooterBrown

Right...cut him loose for good. Men like that have no respect for women...most don't even respect their mom! You deserve better. Concentrate on you. I have fallen in this trap before. Not a good place to go...you need to build your self esteem back up!