working with sponsor 8am til 11pm every Saturday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
working with sponsor 8am til 11pm every Saturday
Really? Does anyone think that's likely? I've not heard of any sponsor expecting that from sponsee, esp one with a wife and toddler to rebuild relationships with.
I didn't comment when the lady concerned raised ut as an issue (understandably thinking this step work malarkey is proving a bit of a challenge to the family dynamics). Sure, maybe it's better than him drinking, but do people really spend that much time with their sponsor? My sponsor is a busy lady and it tends to be a couple of hours max.
Anyone here ever spend waking to bedtime with their sponsor every week?? And if so, was that just for a month or so?
I didn't comment when the lady concerned raised ut as an issue (understandably thinking this step work malarkey is proving a bit of a challenge to the family dynamics). Sure, maybe it's better than him drinking, but do people really spend that much time with their sponsor? My sponsor is a busy lady and it tends to be a couple of hours max.
Anyone here ever spend waking to bedtime with their sponsor every week?? And if so, was that just for a month or so?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I didn't do it nor would I expect a sponsee to do it.
some people, even after working the steps, have control issues and rationalize it as being servicework/ Gods' will/ carrying the message.
ive heard sponsors that have their sponsee go to the same meetings and even follow them around like a puppy. ive even heard," i have my baby with me today."
nothing like givin a newcomer/ someone early in recovery the dignity and respect they deserve. sure seems like an ego boost.
some people, even after working the steps, have control issues and rationalize it as being servicework/ Gods' will/ carrying the message.
ive heard sponsors that have their sponsee go to the same meetings and even follow them around like a puppy. ive even heard," i have my baby with me today."
nothing like givin a newcomer/ someone early in recovery the dignity and respect they deserve. sure seems like an ego boost.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
It's not uncommon for me to do that......or more.......or less, with a sponsee. It depends upon the situation.
I've had a lot of court-ordered guys who have to attend 2, 3 or more meetings per week. I'd personally much rather them going over the book with me and/or working steps than sitting in the average M-O-T-R meeting listening to crap like meeting-makers-make-it, take what you want and leave the rest, there are no musts, or go-to-any-lengths unless it seems like too much trouble.
I haven't done whatever that person does from 8am to 11pm but I'd bet if I had a sponsee willing to put that type of commitment into their recovery, they'd be done with steps 1-5 in one day - maybe the first 8. Maybe it's a much better way then letting the sponsee pick what they think they should do and getting nowhere in the first 6 months......or longer. Contempt prior to investigation - I haven't been part of that person's Saturday deal so I can't say whether it's working or helpful......or not.
I've had a lot of court-ordered guys who have to attend 2, 3 or more meetings per week. I'd personally much rather them going over the book with me and/or working steps than sitting in the average M-O-T-R meeting listening to crap like meeting-makers-make-it, take what you want and leave the rest, there are no musts, or go-to-any-lengths unless it seems like too much trouble.
I haven't done whatever that person does from 8am to 11pm but I'd bet if I had a sponsee willing to put that type of commitment into their recovery, they'd be done with steps 1-5 in one day - maybe the first 8. Maybe it's a much better way then letting the sponsee pick what they think they should do and getting nowhere in the first 6 months......or longer. Contempt prior to investigation - I haven't been part of that person's Saturday deal so I can't say whether it's working or helpful......or not.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I am a believer in going through steps in short order for newcomers. Of course that can indeed vary, but I wouldn't hold anyone back - use the window of opportunity. Day Trader lays it out well, really depends on sponsee.
Short answer (which I have already violated) is that length of time more than once or maybe twice seems to beg the motivation question(s) as TS alluded to.
The suffering alcoholic may have time and be sitting right next to you.......
Short answer (which I have already violated) is that length of time more than once or maybe twice seems to beg the motivation question(s) as TS alluded to.
The suffering alcoholic may have time and be sitting right next to you.......
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I need to edit my reply but it's too late to change it....... I misstated when I said it's not uncommon for me to do that. I initially read the OP as 8AM to 11AM.... 3 hours. That's not uncommon for me to do with a new sponsee.
I meant to go back and change my initial sentences but forgot.
I meant to go back and change my initial sentences but forgot.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hmmm, I think this is one of the hardest things about finding a good sponsor in AA. I understand the need to hold us accountable and there should be consistency. Not sure about the "requirement" of every Saturday from 8 to 11. Sounds like maybe that's the sponsor's available time and she's unwilling to budge?
I made it to the 4th step twice with the wrong sponsor. Of course, I had no idea it was the wrong sponsor until I found the right one.
I call her every morning at 7:30 and we do the daily reflection, third step prayer, and set aside prayer and discuss the day if need be. It sets the tone for the day and I love it.
Saturdays we get together at 11 or noon to do step work. There is no set end time, we get through what's on her agenda for that day.
I think about the fact that sponsors are human too. If someone is being sincerely honest about committing to working the steps there should be some availability for compromise with time frames. I think it would depend on the person. I'm sure in sponsoring a person some process comes into play as to where the person is in recovery.
Just remember, somewhere out there is the worst sponsor and sadly, someone is meeting with them.
I made it to the 4th step twice with the wrong sponsor. Of course, I had no idea it was the wrong sponsor until I found the right one.
I call her every morning at 7:30 and we do the daily reflection, third step prayer, and set aside prayer and discuss the day if need be. It sets the tone for the day and I love it.
Saturdays we get together at 11 or noon to do step work. There is no set end time, we get through what's on her agenda for that day.
I think about the fact that sponsors are human too. If someone is being sincerely honest about committing to working the steps there should be some availability for compromise with time frames. I think it would depend on the person. I'm sure in sponsoring a person some process comes into play as to where the person is in recovery.
Just remember, somewhere out there is the worst sponsor and sadly, someone is meeting with them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
Originally Posted by DayTrader 
It's not uncommon for me to do that......or more.......or less, with a sponsee. It depends upon the situation.
I've had a lot of court-ordered guys who have to attend 2, 3 or more meetings per week. I'd personally much rather them going over the book with me and/or working steps than sitting in the average M-O-T-R meeting listening to crap like meeting-makers-make-it, take what you want and leave the rest, there are no musts, or go-to-any-lengths unless it seems like too much trouble.
I haven't done whatever that person does from 8am to 11pm but I'd bet if I had a sponsee willing to put that type of commitment into their recovery, they'd be done with steps 1-5 in one day - maybe the first 8. Maybe it's a much better way then letting the sponsee pick what they think they should do and getting nowhere in the first 6 months......or longer. Contempt prior to investigation - I haven't been part of that person's Saturday deal so I can't say whether it's working or helpful......or not.
I've had a lot of court-ordered guys who have to attend 2, 3 or more meetings per week. I'd personally much rather them going over the book with me and/or working steps than sitting in the average M-O-T-R meeting listening to crap like meeting-makers-make-it, take what you want and leave the rest, there are no musts, or go-to-any-lengths unless it seems like too much trouble.
I haven't done whatever that person does from 8am to 11pm but I'd bet if I had a sponsee willing to put that type of commitment into their recovery, they'd be done with steps 1-5 in one day - maybe the first 8. Maybe it's a much better way then letting the sponsee pick what they think they should do and getting nowhere in the first 6 months......or longer. Contempt prior to investigation - I haven't been part of that person's Saturday deal so I can't say whether it's working or helpful......or not.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by DayTrader
I need to edit my reply but it's too late to change it....... I misstated when I said it's not uncommon for me to do that. I initially read the OP as 8AM to 11AM.... 3 hours. That's not uncommon for me to do with a new sponsee.
I meant to go back and change my initial sentences but forgot.
I meant to go back and change my initial sentences but forgot.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Db1105
I must say that stuff you call CRAP kept me coming back, not drink, and stay around long enough to wake up and work the 12 Steps. Thankfully, I found members without egos and need to disparage AA, and AA meetings who knew if I didn't throw in the towel, keep hanging around, that I would eventually get it. I express no excuses for sharing my experience, strength and, hope. One's persons crap is another persons fertilizer.
However, if I never attended those meetings the first three times through I would never be where I am today.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Without the details there's no way to respond to the question.
Given this scenario would it be a reasonable request from the sponsor:
Sponsee has attempted sobriety before and failed. He works hard all week, attends meetings regularly, spends all day Sunday with the family, but every time he's relapsed it's been on a Saturday as that was his big drinking day in the past. Sponsor suggests he hangs out with him all day on Saturdays until he gets some time (and the steps) under his belt.
Not saying this is what is happening...could be a sponsor on a power trip, but if you take the scenario I made up all of a sudden the sponsor seems like a pretty virtuous guy who is very generous with his time. Without knowing the people and circumstances involved there's no way to form a fair opinion.
And then the alcoholic in me has a small part wondering if the husband in this scenario is really meeting with his sponsor for 15 hours on a Saturday.
Given this scenario would it be a reasonable request from the sponsor:
Sponsee has attempted sobriety before and failed. He works hard all week, attends meetings regularly, spends all day Sunday with the family, but every time he's relapsed it's been on a Saturday as that was his big drinking day in the past. Sponsor suggests he hangs out with him all day on Saturdays until he gets some time (and the steps) under his belt.
Not saying this is what is happening...could be a sponsor on a power trip, but if you take the scenario I made up all of a sudden the sponsor seems like a pretty virtuous guy who is very generous with his time. Without knowing the people and circumstances involved there's no way to form a fair opinion.
And then the alcoholic in me has a small part wondering if the husband in this scenario is really meeting with his sponsor for 15 hours on a Saturday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Grungehead
And then the alcoholic in me has a small part wondering if the husband in this scenario is really meeting with his sponsor for 15 hours on a Saturday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
Holy cow, I completely missed the 8a until 11p part!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking...for everything else, the desire has to come from within.
Just my two pennies...if a sponsee wanted to spend all day with me I would be fine with that. I would never make it a requirement...because I honestly don't think that would work.
P
Just my two pennies...if a sponsee wanted to spend all day with me I would be fine with that. I would never make it a requirement...because I honestly don't think that would work.
P
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Berrybean
Yep. And sometimes coming home after midnight, with no call or text to reassure that all is well. And doesn't want wife to meet the sponsor. Hmm.
when ive been in relationships, i had absolutely no problem with my GF meeting a sponsee as long as the sponsee was ok with it.
but then again, i only sponsor other males.
hhhhmmmmm...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
I suppose it would depend on the situation, if it was truly urgent then maybe...but sponsors aren't supposed to be babysitters.
After 2 hours of step work at most, my sponsor and I would start to burn out.
When you get "that feeling" that it's time to stop due to not being able to "hear" anymore or take in anymore, that feeling should be honored. ❤️
After 2 hours of step work at most, my sponsor and I would start to burn out.
When you get "that feeling" that it's time to stop due to not being able to "hear" anymore or take in anymore, that feeling should be honored. ❤️
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