bluedog97

There's a lot of discussion on the importance of accepting we can't drink. I battled this for a long time. I did not want to give up the idea that I could still drink. I fought tooth and nail. I stand here, 36 days sober, defeated and relegated to the conclusion I absolutely cannot take a drink.

But what about other people? How do you handle other people who are unwilling to accept your alcoholism? This can come in a couple of forms. One is pressuring you to drink. For me, it comes in another form. It comes in not taking my recovery seriously. Behavior such as eye rolling or complete condescension towards AA meetings, rehab, etc. It's a form of disrespect, and it makes my blood boil.

In light of my post yesterday, y'all are probably safe to assume it involves my family. For me this is life or death. When people make light of that or act like I "wasn't that bad" are being selfish, IMO. It extremely difficult for me just to brush it off.

I think, anyone who knew my history with alcohol would not question my alcoholism. I don't know, after all I've been through, for someone to question it just sets me off. I'm trying to figure out why that is.

Dee74

People can eyeroll, insult, mock, or jeer at me all they like - I've made the choice not to drink again- ever. Their derision is simply white noise to me.

I've also made the choice as far as practicable not to associate with people who eyeroll, insult, mock, or jeer at me - even family members.

D

BrendaChenowyth

It's a personal choice, other people don't have to understand it.
You are taking it as disrespectful. It has nothing to do with respecting you. They just don't understand if they aren't alcoholics themselves.
Accept that they may never understand. It should have no bearing on your sobriety.

thomas11

I fought it tooth and nail as well. Who wants to admit they have a problem? I know I didn't. BUT, once I did it made it much easier. As you mention, I think acceptance, while hard at first, makes it easier to stay sober. Great topic IMO.

On a side note Bluedog, it sounds like the environment around you is causing you quite a bit of anger and I applaud you for keeping it together. I hope you can find peace soon.

AnvilheadII

some family systems don't like to "reveal" problems.....within the group or from outsiders. your choice for sobriety "could" be hitting a bit too close to home for some. or they've seen this attempt at sobriety before and just aren't ready to be on board.

however, you don't have to put up with negativity from anyone. you can distance yourself from it.

Anna

I didn't tell people when I stopped drinking and I've found that 'No, thanks' works well. If people disrespect you and your serious decision about your life, why worry about what they think? You know you are doing the right thing.

starstarstar

I have no answers but I do understand.

My family doesn't really drink so when I drink a glass of wine at Christmas or some such holiday, it's nothing. They've never had to deal with health issues or anxiety and so on. I love them dearly and they love me but they don't quite get the problems others may have. I'm just considered 'too sensitive'.

My friends? They drink so much more than I do so they just laugh when I tell them I have a problem. They don't agree and won't take it seriously.

It don't become angry that they're not accepting, it just makes my life a bit harder.

bluedog97

I mean, if someone had cancer, no one would eye roll or condescend towards going to chemo.

That's what I liken it to. It just infuriates me.

LadyBlue0527

bludog, sometimes it's hard to understand because you want them to care. They don't care because they don't understand. We do, that's why this is a good place to be.

In your daily life outside of here there isn't anyone who truly has to care about your sobriety and recovery other than you.

Why do you need them to care? Are they doing things that are detrimental to you remaining sober?

starstarstar

YOU let yourself become infuriated.
It's your life, choose wisely.

I really do get it though. xxo

bluedog97

Yea exactly. It just makes it harder.

And of course, avoiding these types of people. Getting distance.

bluedog97

I don't know, that's what I'm trying to figure out.

bluedog97

Yes indeed. Thanks.

gleefan

As I see it my very life depends on my sobriety.

Some people who didn't initially support or understand my sobriety came to respect it with time, after I stood my ground.

LadyBlue0527

Maybe because it hurts because you're trying to do something good for yourself and would like some support?

Unfortunately you just can't explain the work involved in this to someone who doesn't understand addiction. They just don't get it. I know, it hurts. Please know though you have a pretty huge family here of people who DO get it. No one will appreciate what you're going through and what hard work this is like those on this board.

Is there any possibility that this is the AV trying to put you in the "Well, if they don't care why should I?" mode. Just a thought.

Either way, you know this is always a great place to come to discuss things. We will always care.

bluedog97

Thanks LadyBlue, that means a lot.

I think it stings worse b/c it is a family issue. Just another instance where I feel wronged.

I think you're right about the AV as well. This is a danger zone for me - I've said that exact thing to go drink a hundred times. "Why should I care?" That's why I posted. It almost feels like an act of defiance to stay sober. It just makes for a lot of discomfort.

Thanks for the support everyone. I've gotten some relief here. I don't feel great, but better. I took a short walk earlier.

Dee74

actually I think my family would - 'shouldn't have smoked so many cigarettes' 'should have gotten checked out sooner' etc.

My family will never react the way I'd want them to...

I made a new family from friends and people who loved me and want the best for me.

You deserve that too.

D

August252015

I don't allow anyone like this in my life. Period. Full stop.

biminiblue

I'm with everyone else in this thread, and I'd just add that I was super-sensitive and raw emotionally in early sobriety. Any little slight was "fightin' words" in those first couple months. After some time (they say it takes about three months to regulate emotion) I was far better equipped to deal with the insensitivity of other people.

I would caution against blowing up at them or saying anything you can't take back right now. This hyper-sensitivity is going to ease up on you.

My family continued to offer me drinks ten years after I told them I am an alcoholic and had stopped drinking (in my thirties,) so there's that. I got eye-rolling too.

BrendaChenowyth

Well, you'd be surprised...


I believe that addiction is a disease, and alcoholism is one possible manifestation of it. I also believe picking up to be a choice. I believe that every time I drank, it was me making that choice. I am very much still an addict, but I am one that chooses sobriety.

I think that's the difference where people seem to lose compassion.. I don't care if you're Florence Nightingale, you're probably going to look at the smoker with lung cancer with a little less compassion than the four year old with a brain tumor.

And we can even look at the people who judge us with some compassion. Who knows if their judgement of us is really transference of emotions from having someone they loved who chose alcohol over them, maybe their father drank and hurt them, you never know. There's a lot of emotion tied to this, even if you're not an alcoholic yourself..