Acceptance of alcoholism
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I'm with everyone else in this thread, and I'd just add that I was super-sensitive and raw emotionally in early sobriety. Any little slight was "fightin' words" in those first couple months. After some time (they say it takes about three months to regulate emotion) I was far better equipped to deal with the insensitivity of other people.
I would caution against blowing up at them or saying anything you can't take back right now. This hyper-sensitivity is going to ease up on you.
My family continued to offer me drinks ten years after I told them I am an alcoholic and had stopped drinking (in my thirties,) so there's that. I got eye-rolling too.
I would caution against blowing up at them or saying anything you can't take back right now. This hyper-sensitivity is going to ease up on you.
My family continued to offer me drinks ten years after I told them I am an alcoholic and had stopped drinking (in my thirties,) so there's that. I got eye-rolling too.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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Originally Posted by Dee74
People can eyeroll, insult, mock, or jeer at me all they like - I've made the choice not to drink again- ever. Their derision is simply white noise to me.
I've also made the choice as far as practicable not to associate with people who eyeroll, insult, mock, or jeer at me - even family members.
D
I've also made the choice as far as practicable not to associate with people who eyeroll, insult, mock, or jeer at me - even family members.
D
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
Well, you'd be surprised...
I believe that addiction is a disease, and alcoholism is one possible manifestation of it. I also believe picking up to be a choice. I believe that every time I drank, it was me making that choice. I am very much still an addict, but I am one that chooses sobriety.
I think that's the difference where people seem to lose compassion.. I don't care if you're Florence Nightingale, you're probably going to look at the smoker with lung cancer with a little less compassion than the four year old with a brain tumor.
And we can even look at the people who judge us with some compassion. Who knows if their judgement of us is really transference of emotions from having someone they loved who chose alcohol over them, maybe their father drank and hurt them, you never know. There's a lot of emotion tied to this, even if you're not an alcoholic yourself..
I believe that addiction is a disease, and alcoholism is one possible manifestation of it. I also believe picking up to be a choice. I believe that every time I drank, it was me making that choice. I am very much still an addict, but I am one that chooses sobriety.
I think that's the difference where people seem to lose compassion.. I don't care if you're Florence Nightingale, you're probably going to look at the smoker with lung cancer with a little less compassion than the four year old with a brain tumor.
And we can even look at the people who judge us with some compassion. Who knows if their judgement of us is really transference of emotions from having someone they loved who chose alcohol over them, maybe their father drank and hurt them, you never know. There's a lot of emotion tied to this, even if you're not an alcoholic yourself..
But I see it as more than just a choice. My disease tells me I don't have a disease. It's a sickness of the mind that affects my thinking and decision-making, IMO. i guess my stance is, if you don't accept my alcoholism, I don't accept your not accepting my alcoholism.
It still makes me mad. I guess that's all part of early sobriety - working through this stuff.
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
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Hi Blue dog,
I'm sorry you are experiencing this 'down playing' from family members. As others have said... those who have not experienced the insanity of alcoholism simply cannot understand the internal struggle that goes on nor the strength it takes to claw yourself out of that misery into a better life. They just don't get it.
Unfortunately, because they are human, they are going to have their own opinions even if they are not grounded in fact.
Much of the real work that we do takes place inside of us, to us it is a BIG deal, to others, not so much....they cannot see it... It is a very personal journey.
The best thing you can do is continue doing what you are doing, being sober and working your program. If you feel their attitudes are a threat to your sobriety, limit your time with them. Don't discuss it with them.
You have given yourself a wonderful gift, don't let anyone's opinion take it away.
Prayers to you
Scruff
I'm sorry you are experiencing this 'down playing' from family members. As others have said... those who have not experienced the insanity of alcoholism simply cannot understand the internal struggle that goes on nor the strength it takes to claw yourself out of that misery into a better life. They just don't get it.
Unfortunately, because they are human, they are going to have their own opinions even if they are not grounded in fact.
Much of the real work that we do takes place inside of us, to us it is a BIG deal, to others, not so much....they cannot see it... It is a very personal journey.
The best thing you can do is continue doing what you are doing, being sober and working your program. If you feel their attitudes are a threat to your sobriety, limit your time with them. Don't discuss it with them.
You have given yourself a wonderful gift, don't let anyone's opinion take it away.
Prayers to you
Scruff
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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good on you
Bluedog-good on you for coming here to vent...you probably feel like a pressure cooker right about now... correct me if I am wrong.
But, dang it-it really does seem unfair that your very own family would be this way....man, it hurts. Whatever happened to basic respect and treating others with basic dignity? Maybe they don't think they have issues with alcohol themselves, but that shouldn't stop them from supporting you however you need to be supported.
They seem to be doing whatever they can to undermine you, your sobriety, and your efforts at being the best possible person you can be. That is just so wrong on so many levels.
It can be a bit of a mental exercise to set your face like flint and just forge ahead with what you know you need to do and go the distance. Set your face like flint and don't let them deter you one iota!! We back you up all the way...
But, dang it-it really does seem unfair that your very own family would be this way....man, it hurts. Whatever happened to basic respect and treating others with basic dignity? Maybe they don't think they have issues with alcohol themselves, but that shouldn't stop them from supporting you however you need to be supported.
They seem to be doing whatever they can to undermine you, your sobriety, and your efforts at being the best possible person you can be. That is just so wrong on so many levels.
It can be a bit of a mental exercise to set your face like flint and just forge ahead with what you know you need to do and go the distance. Set your face like flint and don't let them deter you one iota!! We back you up all the way...
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
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Bluedog - Sorry your family is such a source of pain for you. It kind of sounds like there's so much anger and hurt there that no matter what they do or don't do, you're going to be somewhat angry. I realize you're stuck right now - just start making your plans to escape and keep your eye on that prize. In the meantime, try to minimize your contact with them. This might sound trite, but it actually works to alleviate some resentments - pray for them. I resisted doing this with my dad - I had a lot of resentment toward him for past behaviors of his (and some current behaviors). I kept hearing in AA that I should pray for him. I thought that was BS - but I tried it anyway. It didn't change him one iota, but it changed the way I look at him. Don't know how or why - but it did. And really that's what you pray for - you don't pray they will change, you pray for the strength to see them in a different light. Might be worth a try.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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I don't think anyone in my family doubted I was a raging alcoholic. But some of them doubted my sincerity and ability to recover. That hurt. My mother and my sister both expressed their doubts on a regular basis, and my mother did every mean thing she could to tip me up. They are both alcoholic by the way.
But the important thing was that I had accepted my alcoholism. Acceptance is more than admission, it requires action on a solutioon also.. That is how I know I had accepted my alcohlism, I was working hard on the solution.
I don't see my mother or sister anymore. They are not the same people I used to know. They are consumed with resentment and fear, they won't have anything to do with the rest of the family. I have done what I can to help, but I lack the pwoer to straighten them out if they don't want help, which they don't. There are at least 98 others in the family who treat me extremely well, and I feel loved and accepted among them.
But the important thing was that I had accepted my alcoholism. Acceptance is more than admission, it requires action on a solutioon also.. That is how I know I had accepted my alcohlism, I was working hard on the solution.
I don't see my mother or sister anymore. They are not the same people I used to know. They are consumed with resentment and fear, they won't have anything to do with the rest of the family. I have done what I can to help, but I lack the pwoer to straighten them out if they don't want help, which they don't. There are at least 98 others in the family who treat me extremely well, and I feel loved and accepted among them.
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Originally Posted by bluedog97
Good point.
But I see it as more than just a choice. My disease tells me I don't have a disease. It's a sickness of the mind that affects my thinking and decision-making, IMO. i guess my stance is, if you don't accept my alcoholism, I don't accept your not accepting my alcoholism.
It still makes me mad. I guess that's all part of early sobriety - working through this stuff.
But I see it as more than just a choice. My disease tells me I don't have a disease. It's a sickness of the mind that affects my thinking and decision-making, IMO. i guess my stance is, if you don't accept my alcoholism, I don't accept your not accepting my alcoholism.
It still makes me mad. I guess that's all part of early sobriety - working through this stuff.
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Thank you again for all the responses everyone. It helps to know I'm not crazy (which I've been accused of).
It does feel like a pressure cooker. I think the most important thing is to stay sober through this. It's the only way I can tackle this problem, although my AV would suggest otherwise.
It does feel like a pressure cooker. I think the most important thing is to stay sober through this. It's the only way I can tackle this problem, although my AV would suggest otherwise.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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Sounds like you got your head screwed on straight today Bluedog. Nope, drinking will not solve any of this; it won't even help a little bit; it won't even take the edge off, so to speak. Keep at it; with a clear head...
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Originally Posted by bluedog97
I mean, if someone had cancer, no one would eye roll or condescend towards going to chemo.
That's what I liken it to. It just infuriates me.
That's what I liken it to. It just infuriates me.
and id be dead if i took the advise of someone whose "research" and experience was with doctor www.
didnt make em happy when i followed the suggestion of my oncologist- an assistant professor of hematology oncology at the university of michigan (one of the top 5 melanoma treatment centers in the world)- and went through chemo.
people are sick.
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