TheRuralJuror

I am 32 and have been drinking steadily since I was about 16. Drinking has always been something I've liked to do, and I've always been a big drinker, even as a 120lb 20 year old. I was always "proud" of being able to drink people under the table.

Fast forward to now, I am happily married with two preschoolers, and am a stay at home mom. I have trouble just drinking a drink or two- it almost always turns into more. I don't drink daily, but a few times per week and almost always on the weekends. It doesn't affect me being with my kids during the days, we truly have a happy home and lifestyle (other than I have some anxiety which the alcohol helps with).

I am in the process of having gastric bypass surgery (hoping for surgery in April/May) because through poor diet, no exercise & excessive drinking I am 250lbs at 5'4" tall. I know I need to get healthy, and stopping drinking is one of those things I need to do.

I'm not sure where the rambling of this post is headed, I just know that I do need to change. My husband, friends & family would be totally supportive if I said "I have a problem and I need to stop" but I don't want to blow it out of proportion. No one has ever said they think I drink too much, and I've never really expressed it to anyone. I drink about as much as my friends/family do when we're together (drinking is always a part of socializing). The times I do manage to only have a couple drinks, I just enjoy the drinks themselves, even before I get tipsy. It's when I don't stop drinking that I need to that I get angry with myself and realize I'm more than just a social drinker.

I guess I just don't know where to go from here...I'm about to leave for a vacation with my husband and friends (all in our 30s/40s) but there is always a lot of drinking, and since I enjoy it, I don't want to not drink. How do you stop when you only halfheartedly want to stop?

After surgery, I basically have to stop as drinking after bariatric surgery is a big no-no, at least for awhile.

Thoughts or advice?

Mattq2

Welcome to SR,
I think at some level you are concerned about your drinking. which would make me believe you have a problem but you and only you can decide that.

From my own experience nothing has gotten worse since I quit drinking. I'm even starting to have fun at many activities again with out alcohol being involved.

I tried half heartedly to quit drinking more times then I can count. I always failed. I had to want to be sober more then anything.

SR is an awesome place to get support, learn, and learn to live life sober...but you really need to want sobriety to succeed.

DesertTraveler

[QUOTE=How do you stop when you only halfheartedly want to stop?[/QUOTE]

You don't. You have to be committed to giving it up or moderating/drinking less (which doesn't work for very many). You need something as a grounds to no longer drink. Maybe you are developing some gastroenterological issues or you just drank so much you had to be rushed to the ER. Maybe you get fired from you job that you need to pay the bills. Until you find your grounding/your basis for really serious about sobriety, you aren't going to give it up. Drinking is fun. It's enjoyable. But it can be deadly, destroy us, and others in our path.

D122y

Rj,

There is a strong chance that alcohol causes all the anxiety you think it is taking away.

You will realize that as you try to remain sober past a month or so. Your anxiety will ramp up because you need booze.

Once the addict switch flips, it doesn't flip back.

There is no problem booze can't make worse.

Thanks.

TheRuralJuror

Thank you for your quick and thoughtful responses. I have been reading through forums here and between that and the responses I've received already, if I am honest with myself it's definitely a NEED to quit. I'm kidding myself if I say I just "should".

I didn't think about the anxiety being caused by drinking, but that very well could be.

It's time to quit. I can't drink after surgery, so why wait until then to quit?

Mattq2

I think that is a great decision. It really helps to read here and learn as much as you can. Your going to have to make a serious plan to deal with your upcoming trip.

For me it was, and still is, tough to be around heavy duty drinking functions.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope you decide to get sober for good. It takes some effort and changes, but is really worth it. There's lots of support here for you when you want it.

Dee74

Hi and welcome TheRuralJuror.

If you know that drinking after your surgery is a no no it's makes sense to get used to being a non drinker now, yeah?

You may find the old parties with everyone else getting drunk are no longer as fun as they used to be - they may in fact be deathly boring... but there's no limit on what else you can do sober and fun wise.

I was scared to give up my old life even tho I hated it - but I got a far better life back in return once I became a non drinker and found out who the real me was hiding under all that booze

You'll find a ton of support here

D

Unwound

Welcome to SR, there's a lot of good advice and support here. I would try quitting and see how you go; for me it was only when I quit for more than a week I realised just how much of a problem I really had. Self-deception and denial is a big part of the problem. I would definitely try to quit before the surgery; doing the recovery from that with drying out sounds like a tough position.

If you manage you quit with no issues then it will help you lose some weight, I lost nearly a stone in the 2 months since I quit. If you do find you have problem then we are here for you.

Sportdeck203

Like many I tried to quit more times than I can count but it wasn't until I really wanted to that it worked, it sounds like you drink about the same amount as I did, mostly just weekends, but when I did it was always a lot.

The first 2 or 3 weekends were the hardest for me, and I didn't want to do anything, snowboarded with my kid during the day, that was my reason I didn't want to wake up hungover anymore, and at night basically stayed in bed and watched tv.

Most of my friends drink a lot, there's was always drinking involved at most occasions, I gradually started going to things sober and it didn't take long for me to get use to it, this past weekend was 9 weeks since I stopped and a bunch of my friends came over for a Bon fire at the cabin, something that normally I would have drank all night at until I either ran out of booze or passed out.

I was the only person there not drinking and after only 9 weeks it didn't bother me at all, wife and kids went in to bed around midnight and I stayed up with my friends till 3 am, just drinking my diet dr. Pepper, was able to safely drive a few of them home and then crawled into bed with my wife rather than passing out on the couch like days past, woke up early and felt great, boy and I had a ski doo ride in before my wife even woke up.

I was talking to one of my friends that night that I've been buddy's with since we were 13, I'm 38 now by the way, he drinks in excess every weekend too, we were talking about my quitting and how it was going, he asked me what I really liked about drinking, and I honestly didn't have a good answer to that question, I mean yeah it was fun sometimes but the more days I go without the more I never want to do it again, and I can't see why it was so important for so many years.

I know everyone is different but after only 9 weeks I had a blast that night stone cold sober, the first couple weeks I didn't think it was possible to have fun without it.

You will really get yourself into trouble if you have this surgery and then don't stop so unsay give it an honest go now, nothing bad can come from trying, wishing you all the best of luck.