Berlyboo1

I am looking for some support and came across this website. I was in a relationship for a year with an alcoholic. He was an old boyfriend from over 20 years ago and we reconnected. He has gone through two divorces and has 5 DUI’s ...(beat 3 of the charges and did a 3 month stint in jail for 2 of the charges)and I still hooked up with him despite my better judgement because he was so charming and I felt like he was the one. I started seeing signs of his alcoholism very early on in the relationship but he made me feel as if the problem was me. The first time I stayed by his house he snored (I am assuming he has sleep apnea) and he made me feel like I was the crazy one and said he never met a woman who couldn’t sleep with his snoring. Slowly all of the criticisms started coming and the fights. He would drink and I would be worried about him driving and he would tell me I was putting relationship pressures on him and he didn’t need a guardian. Throughout the relationship my mental became quite broken to the point that my doctor described anti depressants. My alcoholic valentine went and told a friend of ours that I was out on anti depressants and that I was needy and clingy. Sex was out the window! He wouldn’t touch me when ever I went to visit or even if he did it was cold and with out emotion. I got to a point where I was on eggshells and even uncomfortable to try to snuggle up next to him on the couch. He then told me all his other women knew how to make him have sex with them which took a beating on my self confidence. The last argument we had was when he told me his brother told him that he didn’t really like me cause all he does is bad talk me. I was hurt and I told him about how he had told our other friend about me being put on anti depressants and I just blew up. He messaged me and told me he was the weak one and not me and he wanted some time to clear his head and get help. I gave him his space and I didn’t hear from him for a month. He messaged me a month after to tell me a lot of things had changed in that month and that he met someone who wasn’t trying to tear him down like I was. Someone who he could build an inpeneatreble wall of love with. He said I had one job and that was to help him get his daughter back (he is in a custody battle) and that this new girl gets it and is going to help him do that. I feel so discarded. It’s been 7 months and its almost like I am obsessive about the whole thing….like I failed. I tried Al Anon but I sob my eyes out everytime so I haven’t been back. I saw his Facebook and he is with this girl and they look very happy which makes me feel even worse. Was the problem me? I am searching for answers…..

Dee74

Hi Berlyboo- welcome

I know the heart wants what it wants, but to me it sounds like you had a lucky escape.

Blaming you for his problems, gaslighting you, running you down to your face and behind your back, cheating on you...

I think you deserve way better than this guy

D

least

I'm not trying to sound harsh, but I think you're well rid of him, given his behavior. Dee is right. You deserve much better than that. Let him go and count yourself lucky that you escaped.

ljc267

To be completely honest with you, alcoholic or not he sounds like an *******.

badger257

***This

And I agree with the others. You are not the problem and deserve someone treats you with respect.

Mattq2

I think you may want to avoid Facebook for awhile . I think you really are better off.

Melissa1217

Sounds like his daughter is better off without him too.

If he loved her he'd leave her be and work on himself.

Berlyboo1

Thanks for the responses everyone. In my head I know that this is a blessing in disguise for me. However it seems like I have become co dependent ...I'm always wondering if he is still drinking, if this new girl is better than me, what did I do wrong. It's a vicious cycle inside my head.

My self esteem also took a beating as well. Is it normal for alcoholics to not want to have physical intimacy with their partner? He made me feel like I was crazy for worrying about him and that I was needy and overly clingy when all I was doing was really worrying about him if he was drinking and driving or not taking my phone calls when I knew he was drinking.

Ariesagain

I responded to your other thread..

tomsteve

heres my opinion/take on it:
part of the problem through that was you- you allowing yourself to be treated like that- treatment no one deserves.

". However it seems like I have become co dependent"

check out the friends and family forum here and get back to alanon. great solutions at both for ya.

Fly N Buy

One of the groups I attend is Al-Anon. It helped me to clear the murky waters swirling around others addictions. When I work on me, they become less of the problem in my life. I may love one, but at times just can't like em very much.

Onward is all I know today.