scottmandue

I have read a few things on getting a sponsor but not finding much in the "how to" area.
I had a sponsor for a short time, super nice guy but we didn't click (we were in a step study and on the 4th step so I kinda rushed the process because I need a sponsor to do my inventory).
I go to a Tuesday, Friday and a Saturday speaker meeting.
The Tuesday meeting was my home meeting but I dropped out for about a year, then relapsed so I dropped back in and it is all the same folks there from when I left and it feels really comfortable.
The Friday night guys are nice too.
But who/how to pick?
I'm thinking of when it come to my time to share Tuesday throw it out to the group that I am looking for a sponsor and see if anyone responds?
What do you think, good or bad idea?
Thanks,
Scott

entropy1964

Yep, that's what I did. First meeting out of treatment, I introduced myself and said I need help. Got a phone list and then a gal gave me her number separate from the list. I called her, we met, she's been my sponsor for the last 5 ish months. I obviously got lucky but I definitely think just putting it out there is the right thing to do. And usually at the end of the meeting they will ask those willing to sponsor to raise their hands. You can approach those people at the end of the meeting.

I know that I have over complicated this process in the past. I believe ya just have to take a chance, meet and get to know the person. If it doesn't click ya tell them that and move to the next person. I get that it has to be the 'right' person, but it doesn't have to perfect. No such thing. And really, their only job is to walk you through the steps as they are outlined in the book....I'm not minimizing that job but they aren't a counselor or a bestie. So it can be pretty cut and dry.

Dee74

Just bumping this up for you Scott

D

rubythrill

I have recently acquired my very first sponsor. I had been going to the same meeting for a couple months and seen her in there regularly and always loved her shares. Basically what I've learned about picking a sponsor is that you want to pick someone who seems to radiate an essence of something appealing to you that you want.

That's how I decided I wanted this woman. Finally I got enough courage to ask her if she'd be my sponsor and she said yes. Not knowing anything about eachother, besides the fact that we are bother alcoholics having spent more time with her and talking with her, I realize that we actually have quite a bit in common. She was the same age as me when she got sober and also was a single mother at the time with a child the same age that mine is now.

I've also learned that having a common thread between the two of you helps tremendously. I don't know much about recovery since I'm only 4 months in, but something in my soul tells me it's a right fit.

Dee74

This is pretty good run down on AA meetings, sponsorship etc in the US

Your First AA Meeting<

and this is the AA official pamphlette:

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/aa-li...on-sponsorship

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Berrybean

I'd think about these two questions...

1) who has what I want in regards to their sobriety
2) who, logistically, is likely to be a good fit for me as in being able to meet up, call each other or whatever (some people are already overstretched or lead lives based on diffrent working patterns to our own that could make meeting up difficult).

If there is more than one person, that's great. The first person you ask might not feel able to take on the commitment just now, so it's nice to have a back up plan when we ask.

You could put all of the names on slips of paper, fold them up and draw one out of a bag. Chances are, in this process you'd notice yourself hoping that one name is (or is not ) pulled out. Don't ignore those feelings! If it's one that you do hope comes out, just pop them at the top of the ask list regardless of your slips of paper.

I would suggest that you do not announce your search for a sponsor in a general share in the rooms. Chances are the person who will respond may well not be someone you really want to work with, and this could put you in an awkward situation if they offer. It's also kind of dodging the process a bit. After all, learning to lean into our fear about asking someone to help us is a big part of the growing up we do in AA. Avoiding this might suggest a lack of commitment. In some meetings the Secretary will ask anyone who is willing to be a sponsor to raise their hand (usually at the end of meetings) so newcomers have some idea of who they could approach, but that's not quite the same as a sponsee saying they want a sponsor and hoping that the sponsor will come to find them.

There's a great AA leaflet about sponsorship that might be helpful. You can download it online... https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&so...BKpYfLFvo5ekNA

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

hodor

I actually mentioned in a share that my temporary sponsor was going away and I was looking for a new one. A bloke offered to be my temporary sponsor, I'd never met him before but I just gave it a shot. He's been my sponsor ever since

Turns out he was 8 years sober and had a lot of experience sponsoring. His story was also incredibly similar to mine. He was put in my path for a reason.

advbike

Oh that can be hard. I've had two, and both were very helpful but I had to go it alone eventually as I just don't take suggestions well. I have control issues that go beyond drinking, lol..

scottmandue

This is me also...
I also have a hard time making friends, I have one of my home meetings tonight... there are two or three guys there I feel close to... still debating if I should tell the group I am looking for a sponsor during my share time and see if someone offers or should approach one the guys I mentioned.

One problem with my first sponsor was just the time issue, he had children and was self employed as a carpenter so he was super busy.

but I do need to step up my program... drank yesterday and didn't get any thing done.

Thanks for your replies.

scottmandue

Speaking of time commitment those of you that have a sponsor or are a sponsor how often do you meet?

I go to meetings Tuesday/Friday/Saturday and go to church Wednesday&Sunday.

Since I tripped up yesterday my wife suggested I add another meeting, however if/when I get a sponsor won't I be seeing them once a week?

Outonthetiles

I got a sponsor through mutual love of the Rolling Stones and music in general. We really clicked and we've become close friends and see eye to eye on virtually every subject. I can't stress enough how important it has been for me not only for my recovery, but for my growth during this entire chapter in my life.

tomsteve

theres a simple solution to finding a sponsor:
pray on it. ask your HP for a sign on who to ask to be your sponsor.
then listen at meetings

tomsteve

there is absolutely no requirement on how often a sponsee should meet with a sponsor. there is no requirement on how oftena sponsee should call a sponsor. meetup can be once a week after a meeting, 2 times a week, or whatever. but it is wise to meet at least once a week.
however, its a good idea to call a sponsor as questions arise and before picking up a drink. it doesn't even have to be a sponsor that's called at that time either.

by "tripped up" I assume ya mean ya drank?
if that's the case, there is no amount of meetings you can attend that will keep you sober. its putting the program into action that does that.
and you may be amazed to find a lot of whats in the big book in scripture.

do you have a copy of the big book?

tomsteve

p.s.
likin the username.
is your wife cattmandue?

scottmandue

Yes, yesterday I drank
I'm a member of a bible believing church and yes I have a BB, I have read through the bible and the BB and you are correct I see a lot of parallels in both books... funny, when I started going to AA meetings I was concerned that AA might conflict with my Christian belief but the exact opposite is true, going to meetings strengthens my belief in God.

My pet and my for my wife is Sweet Pea
My name is Scott (and I'm an alcohalic) I came up with scottmandue many years ago for my internet name, I believe Bob Seger had the hit song 'Katmandue' on the radio at the time.

Thanks for your reply!