I feel so guilty
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I feel so guilty
Ive gone to Aa 3 times the past week and are ashamed to say that Ive had a couple of drinks before I go then finish off a bottle of wine when I get home. Do I just have no willpower? Its a far cry from 2 or 3 bottles a day. Ive been honest that Im not yet sober but told noone about the couple before to get me through the meeting. Im a bit overwhelmed by Aa its a big committment but I need to do it. Im neglecting my friends and hope i dont lose them but dont want to say Im in Aa. I dont believe a higher power can stop me drinking either.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
It is a tough place to be, going to AA and yet unable to stop, but it is not uncommon. The whole reason I went to AA was because I couldn't stop. When I began working the steps, suddenly I was able to stay sober. Sometimes however, a period of hospitalisation to get through the first few days of sobriety, is the only way to get stopped.
You seem to have the first step down, you know what the problem is. But you have doubts about the second step, which is about choosing a method of recovery. I had no belief in a higher power, so logically, I could not believe that a power greater than me could fix me. Yet I lacked the power to fix myself. I decided I was willing to believe if I got some evidence, and the evidence came in a fairly short time, so it is established fact for me.
The question many of us have to ask is if a higher power cannot fix me, who else could. I went through the list of things I had come to believe would fix me and none of them worked, so the higher power was about all that was left untried. What does your list look like. Are there other options as yet untried?
You seem to have the first step down, you know what the problem is. But you have doubts about the second step, which is about choosing a method of recovery. I had no belief in a higher power, so logically, I could not believe that a power greater than me could fix me. Yet I lacked the power to fix myself. I decided I was willing to believe if I got some evidence, and the evidence came in a fairly short time, so it is established fact for me.
The question many of us have to ask is if a higher power cannot fix me, who else could. I went through the list of things I had come to believe would fix me and none of them worked, so the higher power was about all that was left untried. What does your list look like. Are there other options as yet untried?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I dont know. Im very down and lonely. My health isnt great and its so hot where I live atm. My doc said I need to stop drinking and smoking now. More willpower and not giving into cravings i guess. I recently gave up for 2 months but fell down a Xmas. My daughter blocked me off her Facebook. She's now 17 and that was my only contact with her. Maybe that's what I need to get over.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 68
Keep going to AA Sweetichick, even if you have had drinks beforehand- just tell them you have, as some groups will only get you to listen rather than share if you have been drinking. They say it doesn't matter if you don't get AA at first, because it will get you. The higher power thing isn't something to get stuck on either. The higher power can be the group/fellowship if needs be. Starting out you do not need to proclaim to friends that you are going to AA either, tell them under your own steam. As to the loss of friends, the true friends will stay in your life, and the good time ones fade out of it, to be replaced with true sober friends in the fellowship. This is my second go at AA, and now that I know what I have just told you I am finding it allot better. Good luck!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,422
Hey Sweetie,
I know exactly how you feel, hon. Not going to AA, but just figuring out how to not have that drink. I'm failing everywhere and I know if I could just not pick up everything would get better, so fast. But how the hell do you not pick up??
Let me know if you figure it out? x
I know exactly how you feel, hon. Not going to AA, but just figuring out how to not have that drink. I'm failing everywhere and I know if I could just not pick up everything would get better, so fast. But how the hell do you not pick up??
Let me know if you figure it out? x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
SW-hello. For me the entire concept of not drinking was like imagining not being able to breath. For me it is taking slow, hard, slow steps. Every minute of every day. I means putting in effort when I see no point and keep going. Like a food diet or anything else- getting fit, building a house- painting a canvas. It is a slow- deliberate intended process. For me this means having support on the ground. Having a regular doctor for check ups (depression/weight). Pain clinic to manage pain (burns). Psychologist to learn and cope with everyday life. SMART / AA and counsellor to learn and grow about myself and cope with addictive based thoughts and behaviours.
Keep posting. PJ
Keep posting. PJ
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I don't think it is uncommon for people still drinking to attend AA. I don't know if it is universal yet but my local groups have started as part of the introduction, asking anyone who has 'gad a drink today' from refraining from sharing. So clearly it is common.
The main thing is that just being there is a sign that you want to do something about your problem. Why else go? And AA people know this and are sympathetic - and in my experience very approachable too.
The main thing is that just being there is a sign that you want to do something about your problem. Why else go? And AA people know this and are sympathetic - and in my experience very approachable too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
sweetchick, do you have a copy of AA's big book? what ya type reads a bit like whats in chapters 2 and 3.
a higher power couldnt stop me drinking,either, and the program of aa doesnt say that either.
ive seen people come in drunk and/or after few drinks in the parking lot.
some of them eventually surrendered and got sober
a few of them im still in contact with and theyre still sober.
a higher power couldnt stop me drinking,either, and the program of aa doesnt say that either.
ive seen people come in drunk and/or after few drinks in the parking lot.
some of them eventually surrendered and got sober
a few of them im still in contact with and theyre still sober.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Urrrm. 'Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.'
You know, the steps are in an order for a reason. Why not try just sitting and listening at some more meetings (sober,because if you haven't fed that AV of yours, its heckling won't be quite so loud in your head throughout the whole meeting). You will hear other people's stories of how that actually did happen to them. For real. As you listen to their experiences you'll start to understand how it can, and does, happen . Then, when you're ready get a sponsor and do step one. I'd be willing to wager that once you've done step one, THEN you'll be ready to start working on step 2. But there's really no reason why you should walk in the door, still with alcohol in your bloodstream, part way up the path to recovery and be able to skip step one and have step 2 under your belt.
Plenty of people come to meetings and don't manage to kick the habit immediately. As long as you have a desire to quit, that's fine. Some people are honest and will say they've not managed to stay sober between meetings yet. Others will come along and nod, and say they're fine, and that everything's hunky dory with a glassy fake grin, leaving a whiff of alcohol in their wake. (And no. Mints won't be covering that smell from the folk in an AA meeting. You can't kid a kidder!) We know that cold death smell toooooo well. After all, it was our very own favourite cologne for many years. But, smelling alcohol on an alcoholic isnt so suprising. There wont be judgement. We just hope and pray those people will keep coming back til they're ready to stop drinking and start listening. And if they do then it's a massive pleasure to watch them when they do start growing and recovering, and their smiles become natural, and they look (and smell) healthy - well, mostly anyway, haha. AND they will get well enough to say when things aren't fine, and admit their struggles.
I'd suggest opening up and being honest. Not necessarily to the whole meeting, but maybe you could stay to help clear up after the meeting, and chat with someone as you do that. Or take the numbers that are offered and actually use them so you can talk to someone about it in private. At the end of the day, AA is a program of self-honesty. You're under no obligation to tell anyone anything. But most of us arrive there pretty sick of lying and dishonesty. Plus it's counterproductive to your recovery if you tell people stuff that isn't true, because then they can't really offer you advice that will be useful, even though they likely do realise you're still drinking, because they're not going to argue with you about it. If you choose to say you're sober when you're not, then they'll class that as your business, not theirs. My guess is that you're not fooling anyone, so you might as well just come clean, let em help you, and then maybe when you return the next time you won't have drank between meetings.
Wishing you all the best for sobriety and recovery.
BB
You know, the steps are in an order for a reason. Why not try just sitting and listening at some more meetings (sober,because if you haven't fed that AV of yours, its heckling won't be quite so loud in your head throughout the whole meeting). You will hear other people's stories of how that actually did happen to them. For real. As you listen to their experiences you'll start to understand how it can, and does, happen . Then, when you're ready get a sponsor and do step one. I'd be willing to wager that once you've done step one, THEN you'll be ready to start working on step 2. But there's really no reason why you should walk in the door, still with alcohol in your bloodstream, part way up the path to recovery and be able to skip step one and have step 2 under your belt.
Plenty of people come to meetings and don't manage to kick the habit immediately. As long as you have a desire to quit, that's fine. Some people are honest and will say they've not managed to stay sober between meetings yet. Others will come along and nod, and say they're fine, and that everything's hunky dory with a glassy fake grin, leaving a whiff of alcohol in their wake. (And no. Mints won't be covering that smell from the folk in an AA meeting. You can't kid a kidder!) We know that cold death smell toooooo well. After all, it was our very own favourite cologne for many years. But, smelling alcohol on an alcoholic isnt so suprising. There wont be judgement. We just hope and pray those people will keep coming back til they're ready to stop drinking and start listening. And if they do then it's a massive pleasure to watch them when they do start growing and recovering, and their smiles become natural, and they look (and smell) healthy - well, mostly anyway, haha. AND they will get well enough to say when things aren't fine, and admit their struggles.
I'd suggest opening up and being honest. Not necessarily to the whole meeting, but maybe you could stay to help clear up after the meeting, and chat with someone as you do that. Or take the numbers that are offered and actually use them so you can talk to someone about it in private. At the end of the day, AA is a program of self-honesty. You're under no obligation to tell anyone anything. But most of us arrive there pretty sick of lying and dishonesty. Plus it's counterproductive to your recovery if you tell people stuff that isn't true, because then they can't really offer you advice that will be useful, even though they likely do realise you're still drinking, because they're not going to argue with you about it. If you choose to say you're sober when you're not, then they'll class that as your business, not theirs. My guess is that you're not fooling anyone, so you might as well just come clean, let em help you, and then maybe when you return the next time you won't have drank between meetings.
Wishing you all the best for sobriety and recovery.
BB
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