Al31

I still haven't made the leap yet, but my mind keeps bargaining with itself! How do I stop that. Thoughts over the last couple of days:

- if I only drink at Christmas that's ok
- if I only drink on Saturdays that's ok
- if I only drink on holiday that's ok
- if I only drink etc etc

I know deep down I'm an all or nothing kinda guy!

entropy1964

Are you an alcoholic?

least

Welcome to the family. I hope, with our support, that you choose sobriety.

August252015

The only way I could stop the bargaining was to quit, full stop. Take drinking off the table completely and start working a program.

gzmkci

İ did same thing and im fkd up now

Circlewagons

The goal of bargaining is to negotiate the terms and outcomes of a transaction. Because I am an alcoholic, I could always rationalize that initial transaction (only have one drink weekly on a Saturday ); but the problem was I ALWAYS reopened the "deal" and bargained my way to oblivion after that first drink.

Making deals with the devil doesn't work for me. You chose to quit drinking for a reason? Has that reason changed?

NewRomanMan

Alcoholism is a fatal foe. Give it no quarter. Those voices in our minds that try to get us to negotiate or bargain only serve the enemy. Don't give it a single solitary inch.

fini

what has happened when you tried these things before?
sounds like you're not convinced yet that you can't be a moderate drinker, and your bargaining is about "i'll do anything as long as i can keep drink in the picture for some tomorrow".

i couldn't stop that until i was convinced at depth, knew at the core of my being, that i could not moderate my drinking.

AlaskaGirl

I bargained with myself for ten years. I always came out on the losing side. The only way I was able to stop that crazy was to accept 100% that once I took that first drink I was no longer in control, therefore I can't drink. Ever. It's really empowering once you make that choice. It's not always easy, I struggled last night. But in the past I would have given into that urge and today I would be wondering how that one drink I was going to have turned into 20.

Take the option to drink off the table. You do have it in you.

doggonecarl

Read up on Addictive Voice Recognition Techniques (AVRT). That's who you are bargaining with, your addiction.

D122y

Al,

Us drunks drink to get drunk.

Way over a normal limit of 2 a day for men.

2 drinks for me was a joke. I wasn't content until i had a least 4 to 5 double shots of whiskey in my belly.

My wife drinks once every 2 or 3 months. She might have 2 drinks....max.

Moderate drinking doesn't exist in our minds.

It is easier to not drink then it is to count drinks and rationalize our behavior.

Thanks.

cusper

I tried that as well. First, I just drank because of a tough incident (s) Then thought, ah maybe on special occassions. I was able to keep that in check for a while but with the next incident I just gave up and am back now to being just over a month sober. Honestly, once you stop, you will see your emotions and body go through all sorts of highs and lows. I regret that I have to go through this process all over again since I picked up drinking. However, I think it is important rather than thinking too far in the future just focus on what you are doing now. I found thinking about forever was too daunting. Over time you will get used to sober as the new normal but that takes time. With me I know it is just not an option (or any other drug for that matter). For me it really is if I drink I get drunk and if I don't get drunk it's only because I am forcing myself to just have a couple. That is just way more work than staying sober.

Dee74

You know it's not OK.
I know it's not OK.
We all know it's not OK.

Tell yourself it's not OK.
That can be the first step to acceptance

AV's hate acceptance.
D

Ultramarathoner

Negotiating with oneself can be exhausting. I found it much easier to just decide to stop drinking.

Outonthetiles

This forum is replete with stories of people who tried moderation, bargaining, rationing, etc. Some of them are really sad.... usually involving another couple of wasted years after having "just one or two drinks." The whole cycle starts again. Some people probably have one or two and they just disappear from SR forever.
From what I've seen in my short time here is that there's no middle ground. Moderation doesn't work.

Hevyn

AI31 - I did that for years. All roads led to being a full blown alcoholic drinking 24/7 - with two DUI's and a life in shambles. None of my attempts at moderating worked. One drink led to the whole bottle, then another. Once alcohol was in my system it was too late to be rational & there was no such thing as willpower. I was once sober for 3 yrs. I intended to have 'A' glass of wine with a friend who didn't know I was an alcoholic. I felt ok the next day, so decided I could handle it again. SEVEN years of drinking later I finally began to get my life back. Please save yourself.

Glad you are here!

MissPerfumado

Once I accepted that drinking would inevitably (not maybe, but absolutely certainly) kill me, I stopped this idea of being able to "moderate", "negotiate", "bargain" or whatever we like to call it.

You are not bargaining with yourself. You are not bargaining with alcohol.

You are trying to bargain with death.

Death will take nothing but your life. So there is no bargain to be had.

That's how I looked at it and still look at it. On this basis, it is easy to decide to give up drinking completely and forever.

Al31

Well today's day 4 of not drinking, and I'm feeling great. Since I'm a binge drinker I guess it's the sudden urges in certain situations which are going to be the worst

Anyway my minds still in bargaining mode. When I'm settled into a relationship, when I move abroad later in the year, etc etc I can start to drink again....

Driving me a little crazy

Mountainmanbob

I drank on all of those occasions -- plus a few.
I guess I'm done drinking for good because,
as I look back booze never added anything good at those times.
Sure, I thought I was having FUN.
Which in my case may stand for

F_cked
Up
Nuisance

My sponsor laid that one on me in early sobriety.
And I didn't think much of that remark when I first heard it.
But, today looking back it makes much sense.

M-Bob

Bird615

Instead of saying no to that voice I'd say okay. Okay, sure, you can have that drink.

Then I'd say to myself something like: But do you really want all that comes with it? Everything? The embarrassing behaviour and then the morning after's horrific hangover with the shaking, heart palpitations, vomiting, headache, the guilt and anxiety and just wishing/being terrified I would die. I'd also bring up all the things I feared might happen with that next drink: maybe falling on my face again and this time knocking my teeth out. Falling down the basement stairs and breaking my neck. Attacking my husband for no reason at all. Saying something unforgivable to the neighbours. Getting in the car in a blackout and driving? Waking up naked on my front lawn the next morning? Having the police come to my house. Those things and more were all possibilities for me if I continued to drink.

Once I go through that kind of mental exercise, I don't want that drink anymore. Sure I still wanted that initial buzz at first, but I've accepted that that just is not possible anymore, not without all the rest of it. I can't escape that.

Instead, now I feel grateful that I escaped that hell into the sobriety I have today.