mbrett

Hi all, I have posted on here, albeit infrequently, for years and really need to stay here and post more. I've been in a rut and drinking all day everyday. It's miserable and I haven't been to AA in months. I am drinking alone and really don't speak to anyone. It's a waste of life. I'm a wreck and need to put forth effort and just continually take the easy way out and drink. I know I need a plan for recovery and just never do it. Just had to share with someone. Thank you.

least

Have you considered going to a detox center? It takes about a week and you are supervised medically. It would enable you to get a week sober and things might start looking better once you're thru withdrawal.

NewRomanMan

Least has a good point. Sometimes we need that outside help to get the ball rolling.

mbrett

I thank you for the response. I have to make a cold hard decision to stop which is why I came back here. I have drank hard for many years and it's scary to quit. I'm not sure about detox as I lost my insurance when I got fired for showing up drunk. I'm an Idiot.

BrendaChenowyth

For starters, when you wake up hungover from the previous day's drinking, do you have tremors and other unbearable physical withdrawal symptoms? Or do you just have your garden variety hangover?

Because a hangover can serve as a deterrent on day one....I never had uncontrollable shakes that wouldn't go away until I had my first drink, but many people do and that is why they can't get to day one.

mbrett

Well I have had shakes in my hands before. I had two seizures about two years ago. Still drank. Stupid I know. Recently I drink cuz it eliminates the knots in my stomach and alleviates the paranoia / fear. And of course I'm an alcoholic

Michael66

mbret

I remember a time when I was always 1 day away from day 1 - I always intended to give up, but tomorrow. I kept no alcohol in the house - I just bought for today ('my last day'). I kept that up for months on end.

I don't know what it was that put an end to that but one day I just decided 'this is it.....'. That was coming up to five years ago. I've been sober four of the last five years but did have a relapse (though thankfully didn't get back quite as bad as I was before).

I don't know what the answer is, but I hope that by your choice to come here today something is about to happen for you. Do you think you might need a clinically supervised detox?

Anna

mbrett, you're not an idiot. You're an alcoholic and it's not a character defect. You can do this and stop drinking and be the person you want to be. Talk to your dr and keep reading and posting. It's a good idea to come up with a specific plan as to how you will stop drinking and recover. We're here for you.

BrendaChenowyth

You had a seizure. This now becomes a medical issue that can kill you if it goes untreated. With medical intervention it is completely possible to overcome your physical dependence on alcohol, but medically is the only way to go about it now.

You can't change anything else until you take care of the medical aspect of things right now.

ScottFromWI

How about going to an AA meeting Mbrett? They are free and the people there might know of some detox facilities that offer low cost or free services. Your local Salvation Army would offer this service too.

Pajanickah

Something that really worked for me was, NA. They're so much more liberal and vulnerable about the way they feel. It wasn't the constant reading from the BIG book, but real people talking. Give it a try.

mbrett

Well I'm heading to AA at noon tomorrow. A good start. I'm sick of isolation maybe someone else can relate to drinking alone. Thanks

PhoenixJ

Words like idiot and stupid are pointless. You are an alcoholic. You recognise that and need to do something about it. There are many different ways. AA meetings is a good one. You know the wise stories and experiences offered here at SR.

Share, plan, read, reflect- change.
Prayers.

Delilah1

Hi Mbrett,

That sounds like a good plan for tomorrow. I also had many Day Ones, up found that posting and reading here daily helped me remain sober. After your AA meeting spend some time reading around on here, get a notebook, and jot down some ideas that may work for you.

If you are going to have down time while looking for a new job brainstorm some ideas to fill the time. Maybe dedicate a certain amount of time to job search, AA, SR, exercise, reading, a hobby, organizing your closets. I found it helpful to be busy in the beginning.

You can do this!!!
❤️Delilah

Dee74

Let us know how the meeting goes mbrett
I'm glad you made it back to SR

D

Done4today

I've been there isolated and drinking alone. Wanting to stop but afraid to put the bottle down. You have done it in the past therefore you know you can do it again. Just please don't let fear of money be an obstacle for getting medical detox. Having a history of seizures is a high risk factor of them happening again.

Julia8

I think a lot of people drink to help with anxiety and it IS a quick fix (I know!), but ends up making it so much worse. And it just creates a vicious cycle. Once all the alcohol is gone and the body can go back to normal, a lot of people find their anxiety so much better or gone. Best wishes to you.

mbrett

Thank you for the replies. The anxiety is pretty bad. Heading to the noon meeting in 20 minutes. I'd much rather just start drinking but I'm going to fight through it. Ugh.

january161992

me too!

then i went to AA and followed some simple direction

lifes better now

mbrett

Well I went to AA. Nine beers left at my house. Malt liquor for the 8℅ alcohol. Going to try to stay around this site and stop drinking tomorrow.