qtpi

So I am six days no contact with DD. Last time we talked she was rude and angry AGAIN. I have gotten used to being treated with love and kindness and I like it! So I decided- for now- until I am ready- I am not contacting nor am I answering her calls. I need a break.
Trying to develop compassion for her- she is in pain- it is not hurting so much as it once did with my DS who still won't talk with me. It hurts but I am not in as much pain. It feels good actually to be no contact. I have been spending time all week long with friends and family who love me and treat me like gold. Like I said- trying to keep an open mind- don't know what she is going through, and DS, too, but I gave her the opportunity to discuss things- I offered counselling. Her only answer revolves around that I will not consider going back to abusive, alcoholic STBXAH.

LexieCat

A breather for both of you is a good idea. No contact kind of derails the merry-go-round you've been on with her. With a little distance she might gain some perspective again.

Big hugs, glad to hear you've got supportive people in your life!

dandylion

qtpi......I remember a saying from my grandmother, as I was growing up, which was applied to situations such as this....."Leave them alone, and, they will come home--wagging their tails, behind them".....
turns out, that was true.

It may take 6ws. or 6months, or 6yrs......it takes what it takes.
Remember, though...time is on your side!

they are adults and are getting to life their lives. You get to do the same thing.
You are just as entitled as they are......

maia1234

Q,
I agree with what you need to do. You are going around in circles. How your daughter could ask you go back to their abusive alcoholic father or not talk to her is ridiculous. How old is she???

Sometimes enough is enough. Get some time away from her. Work on yourself and what you want to do. Hopefully she will want to be apart of your life, and maybe she won't. The more alone time with her alcoholic dad she will recognize him for who he is.

My AXH left when my youngest went to college. When she needed a ride to school or home he always had an excuse why he couldn't. Move 4 years forward and now he is crying to our oldest daughter, why does she hate me and not want to see me? Really. They always show their true colors, just step out of their way.

Hugs my friend, take care of you and it will all fall into place.

TobeC

I think what helped me is that when you go through stuff like this it's like taking the top off of a pressure cooker. Lots of feelings, emotions and blame come flying out all at once and then it starts to fizzle. Time, patience and acceptance is your friend. She will see this clearly eventually.

SmallButMighty

I had to take some "time off" from my young adult daughter not long after her father and I separated. I heard his hateful words being repeated from her mouth and I just didn't have tolerance for that. I didn't deserve it and I wouldn't listen to it.

I think she needed space from me at the time as well. She had to let the new family dynamic settle. And she had to learn there were MANY more facts involved than what she was hearing from her father....

Like Dandy said... left her alone, and she came home wagging her tail behind her ( more like, tucked between her legs and quite contrite as a matter of fact)

Today, a couple years later, she is back to being one of my very best friends. She has a good relationship with both me and her father on very separate terms. She had to grow up enough to realize that mom and dad just weren't a single unit anymore. Even for an adult that can be a hard pill to swallow, and one that takes some time to digest.

Hang in there. Those kids will come around eventually. It sounds like you are doing quite well detaching from the negative and enjoying your positive people.