Jc1024

I could never hand over my whole check to drugs and not buy my daughter a single gift. This is a man who has lived with me and my daughter. Who gave her a bath and read her a book every night. It was their routine.

I had him leave and it was like he turned into a complete stranger. Someone I never ever thought he would be. The exact opposite of everything he had told me he wanted to be and was. It's scary.
I know it was the drugs but that's so scary that he really let them mean more then his baby girl. I don't get it
I can not wrap my head around it and it makes me so angry the More I think about it. Like I said he had a lot more freedom after he moved out he had access to a car since we shared one. He got to handle all his money instead of me grabbing it when he got paid and handing him spending money. I wasn't calling or checking on him because I was already so mad for what I originally kicked him out for.
I just don't understand how he could let it get so far when I was here and tried to help for so long. He hid it all. And as soon as he was free it like took over him.
I'm so hurt. Especially because it's Christmas time.

He checked himself into detox and spent the holiday there.
I didn't answer his calls

I finally did today and he had the nerve to ask me how Christmas was.... does he even care?! He didn't when he blew his whole
Check and not one gift under the tree was from
Him. So why even ask... ugh.
I want to help him but the line between supporting and enabling is rough. I don't want him to think what he did is blown over. But I know him and I know he doesn't want to be this person the addiction has made of him .... I don't know I'm so confused

Maudcat

Hey, Jc, and welcome. Lots of good support on this site. Your SO uses drugs, I gather? The primary thing for an addict is drugs, getting them , using them, getting them again, etc.
i would learn as much about drug dependency as I could. Lots of info here and out there. Have you checked out Nar Anon meetings. Could be helpful.
Main thing is to be strong for your daughter and be ready to move forward on your own. Do you have family or friends who can be there for you? Peace.

Ann

JC, I am glad you joined us and am sorry for all you have been through.

Sadly, your Christmas story is a common one, same with birthdays and any special days. Every day is drug day for an active addict.

I hope he finds sobriety and hangs on to it, detox is only a beginning, he will have a lot of work to do.

This might be a good time for you to take good care of yourself and decide if you want to live with an addict in your life and the lives of your children. Meetings have helped many of us here, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships and there are family groups and Christian groups...lots to choose from and each with special gifts to bring you. Maybe give yourself a Christmas gift of recovery for you and seek out some meetings and keep coming here...my guess is that in a month or two you will begin to see things in a clearer light.

Hugs

Jc1024

I am working on moving on after spending the holidays without him reality has hit. Which is ok. Just going to have to adjust. I enrolled my daughter in gymnastic 2 times a week to keep her focused on other things.
I spoke with him last night. He got fired from his job and is being discharged on Friday and plans on going to a ten day program.
He hasn't even said thank you for giving her a nice Christmas or for taking care of her while he's going threw this.
He hasn't said he loves me when he hangs up. He's hesitant. I don't know if he's embarrassed or what.
I know he's worried about himself right now but I wish he could atleast appreciate what everyone else is doing while he does that.
I don't know.
I took my daughter to visit his family last night and when he called
He asked why I was there
Instead of thank you for making sure the baby sees his family since he's not there to do it.
I mean me and his cousin used to be really close and then stopped talking for a year. And recently started talking again. She came to see me in the hospital last month so I reached out this week to come talk because she knows him well he stayed with her a lot when I would kick him out.

Now everyone sees what was really going on. But I don't know if I should distance myself from his family or if being with them helps.

Maudcat

Nothing needs to be decided this moment. I will say that navigating the in-law waters can be tricky. They are his family, and often that trumps everything else. I would urge, again, that you look into support groups. They can be really helpful.