jeffrey542016

105 DAYS TODAY…..That what I want and got for these holidays, aside for some (prn) sleeping and anxiety meds prescribe by my doctor I am good. But not feeling connected to family and friends is weighing heavy on me. These last four months have been a real accomplishment for me as far as sobriety, so I thank him and all those who have played a role in this for me. The path that got me hear is starting to bite me in the a… Relocating, isolating, my indulgent in a relationship for my own personal gain. Running away instead of facing my mess head on. All my stuff during this time is starting to kick up, so this is what (early) recovery is for me. My relationship that I started was based on my running away from my acceptance of being an alcoholic, and her acceptance of me being an alcoholic. This all came about through my manipulation and planning, that I could take advantage of a person who did not look down on me and had not known how far I had fallen and lost to drinking. Her acceptance led to my acceptance of her addiction (hustling, peddling and abusing her prescribed medication) now since my sobriety we have had plenty of discussions on what’s and whys this is a problem, to be fair she justifies this as a financial need due to the loss of her SSI for taxes reason, and more recently and important my lack of employment during this time. Now to say she is a full blown addict might be over stepping it, but she is definitely enamored with the since of being THE GO TO PERSON FOR THOSE FRIENDS IN NEED (Addicts).So our discussion /arguments always end with her and I blaming one another. Our relationship is a lonely one with resentment, shame, and embarrassment (For Me) the since of isolation I feel in her home with her family/friends is unbearable at times, and its then when I feel so valuable to this disease and its not to pick up and drink it’s the Fu.. It thinking coming at me which is the precursor to all my BS. More to come,,, Just needed to vent. I DID NOT DRINK TODAY…

Anna

Good job on stopping drinking. And, now you have discovered that this is just the beginning. The hardest part of recovery is dealing with the messes without benefit of alcohol. I found there simply was no way around things, but to go through it. Have faith that you can do this and that you can make the right choices for your life. Your relationship sounds toxic, so I do hope you can find a good solution.

Soberwolf

Awesome job on 105 days