hearthealth

Husband is on an out of town assignement. He left me a honey do list which I almost accomplished already. There's things like decorate the tree which I haven't done. I asked him to bring the totes down daily for two days before he left but he didn't. The totes are getting too heavy for me to maneuver on a ladder. I informed him but I guess it wasn't important to him, as important as having his beer. I'm spending time with the children and having a nice break. Maybe I can have some alone time after the children go to bed...a good book, study some quilting, a good movie. I focus so much on the behavior that I have put myself third, maybe sixth, after everyone and everything else. Enjoying the peace of the season.

biminiblue

You'll love it when the tree is up. Can you get a neighbor or one of your kids to help with the totes?

Refiner

Why would she "love it" when the tree is up? I would think it would just add to her resentment. Maybe time to start some new Christmas traditions that DON'T include his little demands, HH.

biminiblue

Because Christmas trees are beautiful and hopeful, and children love them? Yeah, I didn't like the "honey-do list" either - but the tree isn't just about him, it's about the good parts of life and love and traditions built between hearthealth and her entire family, not just the husband.

I put my tree up for the first time in years just this past week. There are ornaments from many people I have cared about in my life on that tree. I'm guessing that hearthealth may also be reminded of people she loves and who love her when thinking of past Christmases. It's not all about him.

hearthealth

I would rather go out and buy new ornaments except there's some family heirlooms I need to sort and get out of the house before I serve. I'm also using the time to go through some important pictures and paperwork. Next year will be different but my children are too young to help with the totes and the neighborhood is an older neigherhood.

dandylion

heaarthealth...I get the feeling that your husband relates to you more as a h ousehold worker than as an equal partner.

He could use an eyeopener!
If he were paying the going rate for someone to F..... him, and clean his house, and raise his kids....he would pay a fortune!
And. the kicker is...that hired household help will walk if they are treated disrespectfully..... the way you are treated......

The 1950's have been over for a long time......

LexieCat

Be careful on that ladder! Maybe you can get one or two of the kids to stand by the ladder so you can hand it down, rather than try to come down with it in your hands.

Yes, now while he's gone is a good time to get some sorting and planning done. Hope you and the kiddos have fun decorating the tree. Remember, you're doing it for you and them, not for him (even if he asked you to)--it's all in the mindset.

Nata1980

Enjoy the peace - I can totally relate And the tree is for you and kiddies - ignore what he says. My XAH used to give me instructions - in our case I was working full time and he was more of a primary caregiver. It is a first Christmas for me and DS that we will spend separately from XAH (well most of it), there are a few things that have occurred that would have stressed me beyond belief in the past - I needed to replace the whole heating system, and now it looks like my sister may not be able to fly over as planned - I will be potentially paying lots of $$ to change it....I am so greatful he is not around - because his presence would have made everything X1000 worse.....I only have to deal with him for a few days this holiday season

The heat is now working, and I am still hopeful sister makes it. No need to rant and rave and rage

hearthealth

Unless he's getting some when he's out of town. Which I don't think he would. He's not been asking for any, in season's. I have been in many ways the paid help or the private secretary. I buy the gifts and wrap them but not invited to the in laws. The in laws have treated me awful for 2.5 years and then treated more like the plus one this year, no thank you not interested. It's definitely the 1950's mentality though I'm not a sahm.

AnvilheadII

i'm still hung up on his LIST for you TO DO. his list included telling you to put up a tree and decorate? wth? what else was on there - scrub the grout with a toothbrush and clean the gutters?

UGH.

but i am glad you get some breathing room. sadly, it won't last. but perhaps you can get a glimpse of what life COULD be like without the tyrant.

ps. i don't even have our "tree" up yet. it's just a small, fake thing. but it hasn't made it from the garage yet. nor do i have a single decoration up yet.

hearthealth

I still haven't cleaned all the window sills from summer but this isn't the season. The stockings are up. The tree will just wait until he gets back. We watched a movie last night and had some popcorn.

AnvilheadII

i haven't cleaned all the window sills EVER! lol
nor can i imagine being told to do them.

Praying

I admit to being a little passive aggressive at times, but I'd put the tree up (because I want it and like it) and skip every other chore until January. ;-)

firebolt

I hope you are getting some relaxing time to yourself, and putting yourself fist with these days you have without him in your way You deserve to take care of yourself, as much as your kids deserve you taking care of them, and from all you have going on, you must be exhausted! Sending you peace, serenity, strength and lots and lots of self love!

hearthealth

So he calls and we have a nice talk. We have a short talk. He tells me he loves me. The endorphins are released. I know in a matter of days he'll be back home and nothing will be different. I still will be sixth on his list of priority, if that. The beer will come first. The lack of assistance and aporeciation. I did it all while he was gone and had fun with the children it was a nice break.

firebolt

I'm glad you got a break, and your awareness of the situation is a good thing. It is motivating, and keeps us from having expectations that will certainly lead to disappointment. It was so telling to me when I would be away from the xabf, that I felt more free, more MYSELF! I started to yearn for it, and that led me to freedom. Enjoy your remaining days!!

AnvilheadII

He tells me he loves me. The endorphins are released

it's one thing to HEAR the words......quite another to SEE it in ACTION. parrots can be trained to SAY words....smart phones can now translate text to computerized voice.

you are right, nothing has changed. nothing will change when he returns. BUT you got some much needed time away from him...and you did JUST FINE.