Lizzieloulou

Hi everyone... I haven't posted for a few weeks, but just wanted to share something. I had my parents staying a couple of weeks ago, and I was on tenter hooks about ah. He couldn't manage to stay off the 'pop,' and was secretly drinking in the bedroom. He did come out to 'socialize' for an hour or so...this ended up nearly being an argument between ah and my dad because of ah's disposition...or should I say 'pissed'-osition!! Heaven only knows how, but I STILL think that my parents don't know about his alcoholism...or maybe I am deluding myself...most likely! Anyway, they went home after a 5 day stay with us, and I realized that I was embarrassed, and continually covering up for ah. The day after they left, he bought me flowers and asked me to retain his bank cards (as it was danger time...his day off the next day) in order for me to regain his trust...which I did! A trip to the supermarket was really surprising and hopefull as we only left with groceries...so I relaxed...DUH!!!! His smoke-screen failed when I found his litre bottle of whiskey in a usual hidey-hole! I grabbed it and thrust it down in front of him...his reply was "how did that get there"...or some such nonsense. The evening descended into a 'to be expected ' slanging match. The next morning I realized that I REALLY CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I found suitable accommodation for that night and didn't go home! He kept ringing and texting, but I ignored it... I Just needed the time and space! The next day he had written a very heartfelt note, and agreed that his drinking is destroying us. He has agreed to go to counselling to try to find out why he is what he is. I am very grateful for this, but we are by no means out of the woods! What I DO appreciate about him is his acceptance and willingness to try...this is a first! It was always brushed off before, but I do have a new respect for him. Whether he succeeds? Whether we can make it? Who knows?....but I am proud of myself for finally making a stand, and putting myself first! It felt damn good!!!!

Maudcat

Good for you, Lizzie. Early days yet. Let's hope he follows through. Good luck.

PhoenixJ

Lizzie- from my experience as the AH- stay safe, follow your gut feelings, do not give into to mind games/emotional blackmail, trust is earned- this takes proven action over time- not just dreamy promises and put off's. Delay tactics always worked for me (not anymore- going thru divorce- my fault, ex get everything she asked for BTW). Early days. The road to hell is paved with good intention. When my addiction overtook the good me- nothing else mattered. Trust was identified as the first to go- and perhaps the most shattering.
Prayers to you, your husband and family. PJ

LexieCat

Consider the probability that this is what he knows you need to hear at this moment, not some deep-down desire to change.

I know he's never said it before. He does, too, and he knows it's what you NEED to hear to keep from dumping him this second.

Keep your expectations VERY low. Actions, not words.

Ariesagain

Hope for the best, plan for the worst, yes?

TobeC

If he is an alcoholic, 28 days in patient rehab, followed by 90 meetings in 90 days is a great start to a sober life. Anything else is half assing it.

Lizzieloulou

Thank you all for your very wise comments and advice. I DO know that the chances of him 'coming-through' are probably 0 to minus 100, but I think I am just pleased that he has finally... FINALLY understood just a miniscule amount of how I am affected by this! I am sad to say that I do believe that it is only a matter of time before he fails, but I have my little weekend bag packed and hidden for when the time comes for me to vacate! I would like to thank you especially Phoenix... I think it is very brave and Noble of you to post your regrets and mistakes so honestly on this site. Your experience certainly helps us spouses understand just a little more! Blessings back to you!😇