Resentments / grudges

Old 12-08-2016, 10:58 AM
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Resentments / grudges

This is a sticky topic for me because I realize that I can hold onto resentments and not let go.

Since his relapse and his on going rehab I have noticed a change in me. When we were at our "bottom" 15 years ago I was new to all of this chaos and when he came home from his 2 week stay in rehab he was practicing his morning meditation while I was running around the house trying to get our baby ready for daycare and myself ready for work. I can remember getting very irritated at the fact that he was there focused on himself and not wanting to participate, etc. Looking back, he was only reading for 15 minutes not an eternity like I made it out to be.

Fast forward to right before he relocated about 11 years ago. He was out of a job - all I wanted was for him to get help and find a job - but mostly find a job. Wasted many words and irritation on the fact that he was doing nothing to help himself and his family. By this time I had been in Alanon - obviously NOT listening to a damn thing.

Brings me to the present. When he first lost his job 5 weeks ago I could feel myself slipping back to where I was 15 years ago. That is when I caught myself and said "not this time"..... Think that is when I finally just had enough and packed his bags. I came to realize that I was going to be a single parent (and had been for years) and that my focus was what me and girls needed to survive while he figured this out. Yes, he needs a job but he needs his head on straight to do that. And if he doesn't get his head on straight then I know me and the girls will be okay because I will focus my energy on taking care of us and not minding HIS business and nagging about him getting help and find a job.

Freeing my mind of this resentment / grudge has been quite liberating for me this last week.

Thanks for reading
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Old 12-08-2016, 11:52 AM
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Thanks for sharing! I have always had a hard time with resentments. And it's only ever hurt ME in the end!
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Old 12-08-2016, 12:53 PM
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Learning how to let go of resentments as I did with the 12 Steps was a huge gift. Now when one pops up I ask myself "what's my part in this?". With regards to ex-abf, I chose him and continued to stay. Otherwise, my part is lacking compassion, being self-centered, starting an argument or any number of character defects. When I take responsibility for myself feeling the resentment disappear is wonderful.
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:07 PM
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Resentments! Arrghh! Just came from mom's house, where nice person house cleaner pointed out that the squeeze mop I bought two weeks ago is broken. Guessing AB, who lives with her, tried to use it to clean up one of his messes, didn't know how it worked, and broke it. This kind of stuff happens over and over again at her house. Put in motion activated night lights so mom could see her way to bathroom. Went over a few days later. They're unplugged. Pointing it out does no good. He denies everything, or agrees, then does what he wants. He is so passive-aggressive. I. Am. So. Resentful.
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Old 12-08-2016, 05:51 PM
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So, yeah, I do know a thing or two about resentment
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Old 12-08-2016, 05:55 PM
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My biggest resentments are always reserved for God. In my still twisted thinking I keep telling myself why should I resent someone who has hurt me? All people are imperfect and carry their own baggage and issues, so why should I resent them? I resent God for allowing them to be hurt and scarred and piling on more baggage than a human can deal with. If sh*t really does roll downhill, why not blame the guy at the very top of the hill? Stupid, I know. But I haven't gotten beyond it yet.
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Old 12-08-2016, 06:31 PM
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True peace of mind and serenity is never obtained without true forgiveness. Put your ego aside and forgive and you will find calm. Remember, the past creates resentment and depression, the future creates in the present and be in the moment.
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