ulfr

Am a mess i want drugs so badly that i am ruining my relationship with my husband
My husband said he would leave me if i started drinking or taking drugs i just need the drugs thats all i can think about my husband has no idea how bad its gotten i want to get high anything for a hit things about using sprays to get high
what the heck is wrong with me ?
i dont know why am like this the past is really getting to me
want to self injure as well
he will not understand how hard this is

Dee74

whats got you so focused on using all of a sudden willow?

D

ulfr

its just i cant cope with my past anymore feeling like i need them
my husband said he leave me and all i can think about is drugs or drink
my mind has been thinking about drugs the pro ed site has people talking about drugs etc am trying to stay away from there i keep saying i will not go back there am stupid

ScottFromWI

I see you have the Samaritans number in your signature, maybe you should give them a call? It might be nice to talk with a real person about this that cold help calm you down? Although the feelings to use are strong now they are just feelings...you don't have to act on them.

Delizadee

Are there any meetings, friends or family you trust you could call to help you through this? Any other helplines? (I am not familiar with samaritans.)
Do you or have you journaled, do you think that might help?
I am sorry you are feeling so terrible
Hang in there, it will get better. Do YOU have any thoughts on what might help you get through this?
Reaching out to give you a hug across the waters!

Dee74

You're not stupid. You haven't given into the feelings, for one thing.
Did something trigger you recently about your past?

D

Algorithm

From your signature, you're coming up on two years without drugs or alcohol rather soon, no? Do you really want to have to start from day one again?

The past never changes, and you've been able to cope with it for this long. It's usually a lot easier to not start up again, than it is to go through additional losses.

Think very carefully about your present life.

Anna

Willow, I hope you can get through this tough time. Has something happened to upset you?

Are you still involved in the Church group that you joined? Maybe you could call someone from there.

ulfr

i go to church group i was at it today
my mother might be moving back to the town where most of the abuse happened she dont know about my sister tried to tell her about the abuse and she said she was lying
i feel lost my husband knows whats going on and he supporting me
but things arent so good

PhoenixJ

Willow- please stay safe. Stay close to SR. Get some face to face support- AA/NA-church, a helpline, anywhere. Do not pick up a drink or use. Keep posting. Use all the threads- the word game ones- anything to distract. If you do not feel safe- why? Can you be with someone or somewhere that would help? Thoughts and prayers. Will be keeping an eye out for your posts. PJ

Dee74

How are you feeling willow?

D