Fear
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Fear
Going insane with the no contact. JJ's phone was disconnected on the 28th. Even though I was minimal no contact, at least I could see him on Facebook (he is my friend). Now, I haven't heard anything from him since Friday. He did call me and he ended up hanging up on me because I called him out on his lies on Friday.
I am tempted (and need your prayers) to renew his phone just so I can text him and hear from him. I KNOW this is not the right thing to do, so I am saying it out loud.
PLEASE pray for me everyone. Ask God to give me the strength to not interfere and that I need the knowledge that I am not risking JJ's life by not reaching out again.
I HATE ADDICTION
I am tempted (and need your prayers) to renew his phone just so I can text him and hear from him. I KNOW this is not the right thing to do, so I am saying it out loud.
PLEASE pray for me everyone. Ask God to give me the strength to not interfere and that I need the knowledge that I am not risking JJ's life by not reaching out again.
I HATE ADDICTION
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I hope you gain the strength to not interfere and allow him to face the consequences of not being responsible in paying his bills.
I ask this with the best intentions and no judgement……..why do you feel it’s important to call him out on his lies?
I ask this with the best intentions and no judgement……..why do you feel it’s important to call him out on his lies?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thank you all. I am trying so very hard Anvil. I am taking a trip this weekend to Vegas so that is why I think my enabling demon has risen its ugly head. Trying to control the outcome of this weekend so that I am not obsessing about JJ suddenly coming to his senses whilst I am not at home.
Shyte this codependency is taking me through the waves today!
Shyte this codependency is taking me through the waves today!
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello T!
Geez, I'm sorry to hear all this. Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your JJ!
I think what helps me sometimes with my stepson is to play the scenario all the way through. "Jr." was recently hospitalized, again, for alcohol and heroin abuse (yay)! Now, at that time, my stepdaughter was also expecting to give birth any day. Do I visit my stepson who lied to me about why he was in the hospital in the first place? Do I try to arrange rehab or sober living or a place for him to live? Or do I stay in town to help my stepdaughter and her husband at the birth of their child? I chose to help the person who asked for my help--my stepdaughter. And "Jr." was being taken care of by people far more qualified than I to actually help him. Sadly, I have not spoken with him since he was in the hospital, but that is his choice.
Another thing that helped the late Mr. Seren and I was to remember that we would not be around forever to help out his son. He had to learn to lead his own life and take care of himself, even if we did not at all agree with his choices.
Have you thought about what might actually happen if you do put money on his phone so that you can text him. What sort of a response do you think you will get? Will he even reply at all? Will he just keep asking for more money, which you know he would use for drugs, right?
I do hope that you will take your weekend trip and try to enjoy yourself! You really do deserve a bit of a break!! Hang in there!
Geez, I'm sorry to hear all this. Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your JJ!
I think what helps me sometimes with my stepson is to play the scenario all the way through. "Jr." was recently hospitalized, again, for alcohol and heroin abuse (yay)! Now, at that time, my stepdaughter was also expecting to give birth any day. Do I visit my stepson who lied to me about why he was in the hospital in the first place? Do I try to arrange rehab or sober living or a place for him to live? Or do I stay in town to help my stepdaughter and her husband at the birth of their child? I chose to help the person who asked for my help--my stepdaughter. And "Jr." was being taken care of by people far more qualified than I to actually help him. Sadly, I have not spoken with him since he was in the hospital, but that is his choice.
Another thing that helped the late Mr. Seren and I was to remember that we would not be around forever to help out his son. He had to learn to lead his own life and take care of himself, even if we did not at all agree with his choices.
Have you thought about what might actually happen if you do put money on his phone so that you can text him. What sort of a response do you think you will get? Will he even reply at all? Will he just keep asking for more money, which you know he would use for drugs, right?
I do hope that you will take your weekend trip and try to enjoy yourself! You really do deserve a bit of a break!! Hang in there!
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I just went through one of those waves myself. It's my weak spot when I can't contact my son just to know he's alive. That's all I want to know. I even had nightmares that he died this last time of no contact. It's hard to shake it off.
I can't help, but I understand.
I can't help, but I understand.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thank you all. No contact still and I did see him briefly on facebook yesterday and of course its all no good. He isn't communicating with any of the people he went to treatment with. I have NO idea where he is.
So so horrible. You are all right, putting money on his phone is to appease my anxiety and it will lead to more disappointment. He hasn't reached out since he knows the only thing I will do is take him to rehab or detox.
As Kindeyes says, "he is not done yet". Keep praying he hits his bottom soon before he loses his life.
So so horrible. You are all right, putting money on his phone is to appease my anxiety and it will lead to more disappointment. He hasn't reached out since he knows the only thing I will do is take him to rehab or detox.
As Kindeyes says, "he is not done yet". Keep praying he hits his bottom soon before he loses his life.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
T, so so sorry. He is a strong young man and finds his way for the addiction, please let him find his way for the recovery.......I find when I look on facebook it is almost like torture. Hard to do and I have tried to stop so I don't go nuts. My son too with need money for new half way house, not sure true or not so I say I may help if I get info and send directly, then I get you don't trust me, so far away from me know I cant tell but It wont go directly to him, I have learned that lesson. my heart aches for you....please be good to you and get to a meeting ..........................Hugs !!!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 146
Tough love is so ... tough! I pray that you can release JJ, though I know how horribly difficult it is. My AS has sorta forced me into doing it by no contact for two years now. The sadness and anxiety sometimes are overwhelming. May God bring these young men to their knees where they can only look up for His help!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear T,
I'm chiming in to wish you a peaceful, less anxiety filled day. And one day at a time...it's always easy to say, but much harder to understand especially when the affected person is our child.
Please know that you are cared about very much in our family at SR!
Tight hugs and prayers and very positive thoughts and wishes are coming your way...
Take care
TF
I'm chiming in to wish you a peaceful, less anxiety filled day. And one day at a time...it's always easy to say, but much harder to understand especially when the affected person is our child.
Please know that you are cared about very much in our family at SR!
Tight hugs and prayers and very positive thoughts and wishes are coming your way...
Take care
TF
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