Barbs

Tomorrow will be 40 days sober. I thought it would be a breeze from here but I'm not so sure. I have some what of a recovery plan and it's been working so far. *But suddenly, I haven't been sleeping well, my patients are non-existent and my anxiety is getting bad.

I think part of it may be because I haven't told anyone that I'm an alcoholic except my doctor and my therapist (who new well before I was ready to admit it). I told my husband that I wasn't drinking because I want to make healthier choices. He's a workaholic and really doesn't have any idea how much I was drinking or for how long (although very much aware of how much I am capable of drinking). I am very good at hiding my addiction from him and everyone else.

In past attempts to get sober, my family wasn't very supportive. My mother told me that I was a lot of fun when I drank. *My sister (who has never been a drinker) told me that our luncheons weren't the same when I'm not drinking and my sister-in-law (who has been in recovery for over 20 years) is planning a special alcohol infused punch for Thanksgiving, just for me.*

I'm really limiting my time with my family. Do I really need to be brutally honest with them about my drinking? I already know they will not be supportive. Is it any of their business anyway? I really don't want to use the word "alcoholic" with my husband either.*

Clearly, I'm not prepared well enough for long term success.

tekink

I'm expecting the first year to be extremely hard. At 32 days I still have trouble sleeping and am still moody as all get out. I have a headache quite often which I assume is from my brain struggling with the fact that I won't give my AV the time of day any more.

Barbs

Someone told me to expect a rollercoaster of emotions for about two years. It just made me want to cry. I can't believe I did this to myself.

january161992

my family wonders why i still go to those weird alcohol classes (aa meetings) after all these years

they think that because i got sober young and didnt lose anything ( i was lucky) that i dont/ didnt have a problem

it only matters that i know that im an alcoholic

Rupert

Most often if people get upset that you aren't drinking, it is because they are forced to look at their own relationship with alcohol, or worst, their relationship with you. There are many people in my life who I would never see if we weren't getting fall down drunk, because we have nothing else in common. However, with family, I think this will be different. You should probably tell them. I think you may be surprised how many people will support your decision to quit... but you have tell them why. It will also probably be helpful for your peace of mind to not have to carry this burden around all the time like it is something to be ashamed of. It isn't. Good luck and good job on making it this far!

fini

Barbs,

i had all kinds of thoughts and imaginings of how it would be when i quit, and just when it would be the way i had imagined.
it turned out differently.
and that's okay. letting the "this will be a breeze from here on" and other assorted ideas drop and going with how it actually was/is , that has been the best for me in a way, that's exactly why i got sober: to live in life the way it really is instead of escaping into imaginings and false expectations.

you might find helpful stuff in this:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Dazee

Hi barbs
First congratulations of 40 days!!

Your situation is tough. I've had it both ways. One when I got sober I told a friend I thought would be supportive. Initially she seemed that way, but started distancing from me. She did admit at one point she didn't want to look at her own drinking. I get what others are saying about how disclosing can lead to rejection because others may not want to look at themselves. It still can be very hurtful, especially in early sobriety.
I have also told others at a different time and it made a world of difference. My family knows about my alcoholism, but don't ask how I'm doing or if I am staying sober, I look ok so they are happy (ostrich types).
I think it comes down to deciding sobriety first, whatever that may mean - completely avoiding, being open, etc.
Best wishes to you ((hug))

Delilah1

Hi Barbs,

First, congratulations on 40 days, that is fantastic!

I think the decision to tell people is a personal one. I am nine and a half months sober and I didn't make it a point to tell people, but as situations arose where I was offered a drink I did share I wasn't drinking anymore. I told my husband, and my kids fasted me after a few weeks why I didn't have wine anymore, they are more aware of things than I would like to admit!!

It has definitely gotten easier as time has passed. I am able to be around alcohol without a problem, but I always make sure to have my own drinks with me. Life still throws curve balls, but I am much better prepared to deal with the little and big stresses that pop up each day.

You mentioned your recovery plan. What exactly have you been doing? I tried to get sober many times in the past and would make it a few weeks, once three months (not counting pregnancies, I didn't drink at all while pregnant). Looking back, I returned to drinking because I didn't really have a recovery plan, I was just focused on staying sober.

It might be helpful to call your sister in law in recovery and explain that you are no longer drinking. She would probably be a great support, and happy not to have to make an alcoholic punch.

Do you have plans for this weekend?

FeelingGreat

Hi Barb, at 4+ years sober I still get the occasional twinge, and you can expect that for life really because the underlying condition never really goes away, and you've trained your brain well in expecting alcohol.
I think I can guarantee that you won't feel as challenged at you do now in six months, or twelve because our lovely brains do adapt to whatever we decide, and faster than you think. So face the future with optimism because you have every right to feel proud of yourself. Focus on when you wake up, with no hangover and no self-reproach about the nights before. I found it to be a huge boost to my morale.
You probably do have to have a quiet talk to your relatives and ask them for support, and I'm pretty sure you'll get it. You don't have to over-dramatise, you can say drinking was becoming a habit and you're taking at least a year off to reboot. Then when the year's up they'll be used to you not drinking and you can say you enjoyed it so much you're continuing.
Friends often have a lot invested in outgoing drunks who are funny when they drink, but if you'd progressed further into alcoholism it would stop being funny, I promise you.

lynnmarie123

40 days is amazing! You should be proud of yourself.
I, too, kept my sobriety to myself. I quit last November, but didn't tell my husband until this July. (He also worked so much that he neither noticed my alcoholism or sobriety) Some say it isn't something to be ashamed about, but as women, I think we feel differently about that. I know I did and still do. But after almost a whole year, I am coming around. I keep having conversations in my head explaining it to the people I really care about who don't know yet and I know I will eventually tell them. When we tell people is a very personal choice.
I, too, have heard about the ups and downs lasting for 2 years. I think this is a worse case scenario. It was at about the 2 month mark that PAWS kicked in and kicked my butt regularly for the first 8 months or so. Things have evened out tremendously.
Watch out for that 3 month mark. I failed there on a previous attempt and it had been the longest dry spell I had had besides pregnancy. A solid plan will help so much.
I agree with Delilah about telling your sister in law. You wouldn't want to feel obligated to drink that punch when she made it just for you.
Keep coming to this site. Make it part of your plan. Work on your sobriety every day by coming here morning, noon and night. It's worked for me. I drank for 25 years.

Barbs

Thanks everyone. I finally got some decent sleep last night and feeling a bit better this morning.

Rupert, your right. I grew up in an environment were heavy drinking was normal. Several of my siblings have serious drinking problems and refuse to acknowledge it and would prefer that no one else do either. I just refuse to live my life like that anymore.

Fini thanks for the link. Knowledge is power.

Dazee, I have found my friends seem to be more understanding and accepting than my family. Don't know why it is so difficult for my family to accept.

Delilia, my recovery plan is not well organized at the moment. I have increased my daily workouts, trying to eat healthier, added yoga and meditation. Do a bit of journaling and I joined SR.

FeelingGreat, thanks for the optimistic words. They have refocused me.

Tekink, I'm right there with you. Feeling the same way. I have to believe we can do this!

lynnmarie, I just read about PAWS. A bit discouraging, but again, knowledge is power

and,

January, I've come to the conclusion that my family just suck, but I love them anyway.

D122y

Barbs,

I prefer addict to alcoholic.

We are both. Addict is more scientific to me. It is a chronic condition.

We will crave forever. It lessons, but it will remain.

I can't believe some folks that were heavy drinkers for years never crave. It doesn't compute in my brain.

It gets better for sure. AtI7 months clean, I am really pulling out of the funk.

At 40 days, I was still very jacked up...I thought I was going insane at 80 days and found SR.

I struggled long with PAWS....PTSD.... Kindling....basically alcohol brain damage. My body healed faster than my mind. I made it drug free.

I believe meds or periodic heavy drinking...drag the brain damage out. The healing takes longer. Then folks relapse.

In my case....this month has been a major break through in my anxiety and health.

My workout intensity ability has increased noticably. I have only 5 to 10% of the anxiety that brought me to SR in mid 2015.

I still usually crave daily, around 3 to 6 pm. That was my binge time.

I would usually pull back 3 to 5 shots of hard stuff on an empty stomach....to get the best buzz...

Sometimes i would stop there, if i had evening commitments.....but i sometimes took it to palookaville....I would drink most of a 750 ml.

Rediculous now that I think about it sober. I was a blithering mess.

The decision of good health is ours. We can ruin our body and minds living in a hamstrung, weak, pathetic, land mine infested addiction world, or we can live free, strong, and sober.

Booze is highly addictive. It quickly permiates our brain and alters our natural functions.

It is a highly addictive drug that slowly fries our brain....yikes...

It is awesome being able to deal w the world totally sober, confident and balanced.

Thanks for the post.

PurpleKnight

Day 40 is fantastic Barbs, be very proud of what you've achieved so far!!

tomsteve

"Do I really need to be brutally honest with them about my drinking?"

im not sure where that idea came from, but for me the honesty had to be with myself.