Back after 5 years but a very different person
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: York, England
Posts: 42
Back after 5 years but a very different person
Hi everyone.
It's just over 5 years since I posted in here, mainly due to the embarrassment of my continual failures at quitting drinking. However I would like to share something that may be of interest that I have discovered about myself.
Quite simply, I don't think I was ever a true alcoholic!
This may sound strange as I suffered from the shakes and other alcohol associated symptoms. I couldn't sleep without a drink blah, blah, blah but then after a chat with a friend I explored another option.
She suggested that I was suffering from depression and anxiety and was using alcohol as a crutch, an excuse to avoid addressing my real problems. At first I rejected this idea but after catching a nasty dose of gastroenteritis which rendered me unable to eat or drink properly for a week I realised I hadn't had any alcohol withdrawal symptoms at all. I'd been too ill to worry about not sleeping etc...
I went back to the doctor to discuss my thoughts and after consultation he agreed I was probably anxious at best and depressed at worst. I was prescribed Mirtazapine and Propanolol and off my own back I explored meditation and breathing exercises.
I have not even thought about alcohol for over two weeks now and am starting to take back my life. I fully realise that I am just an individual case but if it prompts anyone else to evaluate their own situation then I won't apologise for sharing my story.
Best wishes to everyone.
It's just over 5 years since I posted in here, mainly due to the embarrassment of my continual failures at quitting drinking. However I would like to share something that may be of interest that I have discovered about myself.
Quite simply, I don't think I was ever a true alcoholic!
This may sound strange as I suffered from the shakes and other alcohol associated symptoms. I couldn't sleep without a drink blah, blah, blah but then after a chat with a friend I explored another option.
She suggested that I was suffering from depression and anxiety and was using alcohol as a crutch, an excuse to avoid addressing my real problems. At first I rejected this idea but after catching a nasty dose of gastroenteritis which rendered me unable to eat or drink properly for a week I realised I hadn't had any alcohol withdrawal symptoms at all. I'd been too ill to worry about not sleeping etc...
I went back to the doctor to discuss my thoughts and after consultation he agreed I was probably anxious at best and depressed at worst. I was prescribed Mirtazapine and Propanolol and off my own back I explored meditation and breathing exercises.
I have not even thought about alcohol for over two weeks now and am starting to take back my life. I fully realise that I am just an individual case but if it prompts anyone else to evaluate their own situation then I won't apologise for sharing my story.
Best wishes to everyone.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Thanks for sharing your story yorkshireman. I think most of us have had the same thoughts at one point - that we weren't really an alcoholic. I know I did several times and I was even able to abstain for short periods of time, but I personally always returned to binge drinking eventually.
I would say your story is definitely the exception to the rule, and the proof is right here on SR. I would caution others to "evaluate their own situations" with care and to take all evidence into account.
I would say your story is definitely the exception to the rule, and the proof is right here on SR. I would caution others to "evaluate their own situations" with care and to take all evidence into account.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
I think most of us wanted desperately to not be an alcoholic. I spent about a year trying to convince myself that I wasn't really an alcoholic. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and self-medicated with alcohol. And, in the end, I had to deal with the depression and anxiety and I was an alcoholic.
Perhaps you are an exception and if so, I wish you well. However, I do not encourage our members to re-evaluate their situation. Most of us have gone through so much before we arrive here, to accept our alcoholism. I would urge our members to remember how far we fell and how much we've gained since accepting our addiction and focusing on recovery.
Perhaps you are an exception and if so, I wish you well. However, I do not encourage our members to re-evaluate their situation. Most of us have gone through so much before we arrive here, to accept our alcoholism. I would urge our members to remember how far we fell and how much we've gained since accepting our addiction and focusing on recovery.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Congrats on two weeks!
Too soon for any pronouncements.
Wishing you continued success on your sobriety.
Originally Posted by yorkshireman 
Quite simply, I don't think I was ever a true alcoholic!
Wishing you continued success on your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hello,
I am another one who dealt with both alcoholism and anxiety. I used to think alcohol helped to lessen the anxiety, and I found that the opposite was true.
I still deal with anxiety, but it has lessened greatly since getting sober. I know alcohol is not something I can have in my life.
I am another one who dealt with both alcoholism and anxiety. I used to think alcohol helped to lessen the anxiety, and I found that the opposite was true.
I still deal with anxiety, but it has lessened greatly since getting sober. I know alcohol is not something I can have in my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: York, England
Posts: 42
Sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my intention.
The difference between this and my previous attempts at sobriety is that for the first time I believe I have tackled the cause, not the symptoms.
Like I said, each person is different.
The difference between this and my previous attempts at sobriety is that for the first time I believe I have tackled the cause, not the symptoms.
Like I said, each person is different.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
And, I agree we need to deal with the cause of our alcoholism, for sure. We must dig deep in order to recover. We cannot simply 'not drink'. But, we also need to deal with the alcoholism which resulted from our anxiety, depression or other causes, because it will not go away on its own.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
It could be pink cloud, maybe not. I also battle with crippling anxiety and depression and alcohol was my go-to fix for years, as is common with many. Perhaps you were just self medicating, but sticking with sobriety and proper therapy/medication if needed will work wonders over the booze.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
I think there can be some confusion about what alcoholism is. It sounds like you might be defining it as physical dependency. Seeing your apparent lack of withdrawal symptoms as proof you weren't really an alcoholic.
I used to hunt for definitions of alcoholism that would prove to me that I didn't have a problem with alcohol. I wasn't physically dependent. I could go several nights without a drink even if there were open bottles in the house. Therefore I didn't have a problem. And apparently I didn't have a problem for over 35 years.
Except I did.
In a recent thread I wrote about how much better my life is now over 500 days since my last drink. I don't call myself a recovering alcoholic, in fact I never called myself an alcoholic. I had a problem with alcohol. I have friends now who have tried to talk me into drinking again because they say "you're not an alcoholic". I don't care what they think. Drinking made my life worse, not better, so I stopped. That's all I care about.
I don't want this to sound at all like I'm suggesting that calling yourself an alcoholic is in any way a bad thing. For many people, and many recovery methods, that's an absolutely essential first step.
It's more the reverse. Are you saying you weren't really an alcoholic because it gives you hope that you can start drinking again in a healthy way if you sort out your mental health issues? These forums are absolutely packed with threads from people who shared that dream of moderate drinking, before it all went horribly, horribly wrong again. Yes, you might be the exception. But may I suggest that you don't bet your life on it.
I used to hunt for definitions of alcoholism that would prove to me that I didn't have a problem with alcohol. I wasn't physically dependent. I could go several nights without a drink even if there were open bottles in the house. Therefore I didn't have a problem. And apparently I didn't have a problem for over 35 years.
Except I did.
In a recent thread I wrote about how much better my life is now over 500 days since my last drink. I don't call myself a recovering alcoholic, in fact I never called myself an alcoholic. I had a problem with alcohol. I have friends now who have tried to talk me into drinking again because they say "you're not an alcoholic". I don't care what they think. Drinking made my life worse, not better, so I stopped. That's all I care about.
I don't want this to sound at all like I'm suggesting that calling yourself an alcoholic is in any way a bad thing. For many people, and many recovery methods, that's an absolutely essential first step.
It's more the reverse. Are you saying you weren't really an alcoholic because it gives you hope that you can start drinking again in a healthy way if you sort out your mental health issues? These forums are absolutely packed with threads from people who shared that dream of moderate drinking, before it all went horribly, horribly wrong again. Yes, you might be the exception. But may I suggest that you don't bet your life on it.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
In my case, when I told my doctor about my drinking, he wanted to prescribe medication for anxiety and depression because as he said, I was medicating myself anyway.
I knew that that for me, that was not the solution and that I had to deal with what was causing the anxiety and depression in the first place. I knew by then that I was using drinking to cope with certain things in my life and that it was only making everything worse.
Once I made some changes to ease the stress a little, I felt able to tackle the drinking. I got back into my recovery program which also helped me turn my distorted thinking around and be better able to handle things and now my anxiety and depression are pretty much gone.
That's my experience, anyway.
I knew that that for me, that was not the solution and that I had to deal with what was causing the anxiety and depression in the first place. I knew by then that I was using drinking to cope with certain things in my life and that it was only making everything worse.
Once I made some changes to ease the stress a little, I felt able to tackle the drinking. I got back into my recovery program which also helped me turn my distorted thinking around and be better able to handle things and now my anxiety and depression are pretty much gone.
That's my experience, anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: York, England
Posts: 42
It had never occurred to me that I was depressed. It took a word from a good friend to make me think long and hard, that's when I went to the doctor and spoke honestly about how I felt. I think my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy and that's why I've ended it, much as I did with my last partner who wasn't good for me. If anything this whole journey has helped me to put myself first for once in my life instead of trying to please others.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
my brother drank MUCH more than i did and for a longer time then in his 40s he just got tired of it and quit
he aint alcoholic
its not about how much i drank but what happens to me when i drink
he aint alcoholic
its not about how much i drank but what happens to me when i drink
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by yorkshireman
Quite simply, I don't think I was ever a true alcoholic!
For example, if I am an alcoholic, then I could very well do what alcoholics do naturally, and resign myself to my fate. I "can" drink, after all -- I'm actually very "good" at it. I can put away tons of the stuff.
Originally Posted by yorkshireman
She suggested that I was suffering from depression and anxiety and was using alcohol as a crutch, an excuse to avoid addressing my real problems...
I was prescribed Mirtazapine and Propanolol and off my own back I explored meditation and breathing exercises.
I was prescribed Mirtazapine and Propanolol and off my own back I explored meditation and breathing exercises.
Originally Posted by yorkshireman
I have not even thought about alcohol for over two weeks now and am starting to take back my life.
Your desire for the absence of desire may conceal a plan to drink in the presence of desire.
Make good choices.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: York, England
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by Algorithm
What if you did have a thought or a desire for alcohol? What then? Would you drink?
Your desire for the absence of desire may conceal a plan to drink in the presence of desire.
Make good choices.
Your desire for the absence of desire may conceal a plan to drink in the presence of desire.
Make good choices.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Originally Posted by yorkshireman
A bridge to be crossed if and when it happens...
No need to reiterate that you very well might be the exception and not the rule in this case, but a thought process about alcohol can come in many forms. It might be light, but it might be the sort that would make anyone trying to stay away from booze whiteknuckle it and count minutes.
Just be prepared for that. If you've used alcohol to selfmedicate, then it Will happen (there is no IF in this) - even if your current medication works, there will still be moments of temporary/fleeting depressed moods. You will come up to that bridge no doubt, so have a plan on hand for that.
All the best!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: northern california
Posts: 740
I drank to deal with depression I drank every day before I knew it I needed it then I was obsessed with alcohol.
Like the Doobie Brothers said What Where Once Vices Are Now Habits and then addiction follows, I hope you are not an alcoholic and can drink responsibly time will tell good luck
Like the Doobie Brothers said What Where Once Vices Are Now Habits and then addiction follows, I hope you are not an alcoholic and can drink responsibly time will tell good luck
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