Smilax

So just over a month sober. And I find myself kind of craving again. Goes back to my depression, loneliness and dissatisfaction with life. I can keep it at bay a lot of the time. Exercise, some hobbies of mine like photography. But the pointlessness of my life has been creeping back on slowly. I'm feeling good. But it's hard to keep that voice at bay that tells me "hay if you stopped once you can do it again, just allow yourself a bit of a slipup".

Zanna

Nooooo! Don't do it. Think of the next morning. We can't enjoy drinking anymore - the 'buzz' lasts around ten minutes and then the guilt, shame and self loathing set in.
A month is too fantastic to waste - get your shield up!

JD

Hey man, hang tough. Play that tape forward. You know where it'll end up. I get that voice. I've had it many times. Just make the commitment not to drink today. Don't worry about tomorrow right now.

courage2

Every time you allow that voice to speak to you, it gets louder. Face it down with a big "Yes -- I am a sober person." You are and you can stay that way.

markinny

at almost 6 weeks I couldn't describe how I feel any better than you just did. I have never really quit before this so really can't say I have ever relapsed. but I hear about it all the time. I almost feel like I have a 1 month coin in one pocket and a relapse coin in the other.

Zanna

Close your eyes and imagine a big red STOP sign x

cardoon

There's a reason you decided to get sober. Maybe go back to that reason and play the tape forward? For me I repeated the same consequences over and over. Then finally I relaxed and accepted I just couldn't drink. It does get easier with time. Find some more healthy distractions. Good luck!

cwood3

Smilax, I think you and me have approximately the same sobriety date...8/13/16. We need to do this together.

sva777

It can be hard to stay sober. The voice in the back of your head is always looking for a way to get us drinking again. Just remember all the pain it caused you, you need to take it one moment at a time.

Smilax

Thanks guys. I AM fighting the voice. Don't worry. But... I have a history of my depression winning.

Soberpotamus

With each 'No' it really does get easier to stay sober. Just keep riding through the cravings, reminding yourself you don't have to act on them. And you are not your depression.

dwtbd

I don't think experiencing cravings, urges or feelings of wanting are signs of failing to quit. I think they are pretty much part and parcel of having quit. Deciding to stay quit means recognizing what parts of history are worth carrying forward.

The addiction , AV, wants to carry forward the idea that a return to drinking is itself indicative that at some point a return to drinking is therefore probable or inevitable, but it's not true , it's not a logical conclusion, it's bull. Does even considering a somehow(?) consequence-less(?!) slip up sound like a reasonable ,logical step in confronting and dealing with depression?

Great job on a month, leave the past to the past, stand by your good decisions today, now , make a point to do the next right thing and then the next for yourself and keep making a better history.
You Can do it, Rootin for ya

Dee74

Then fight on the depression front as well. Make this time different.
Get help if you need it

You can do this

D

Smilax

Thanks Dee!

I have been fighting on that front off an on for many years. Been on medications off and on for years. I have never found many of them to be very effective. Been to therapy and have been going to group therapy ongoing now for a couple of years. I'm on medication now as well but again all of these have been of limited benefit. While I know that it would be looked down on strongly here the one thing that did work for me very well for a while was marijuana. However I had a bad experience on an edible and found I couldn't go back to that without severe anxiety. That and over time it made me more and more parnoid. For a time it did wonders for my depression though, in a way alcohol never did. I miss it however I realise it's better for me to try to face my life sober of both substances.

Ooona

When the little chirping voice starts to bug you and tell you its lies. Grab a peice of paper and just start writing all the reasons you wanted to stop to begin with. Then turn the paper over and start writing all the benefits you have xperienced so far. By the time you are done, the craving will be gone.
We alcoholics seem to have very selective memory, sometimes we need reminded of how it was.

SnazzyDresser

Good job on 1 month, Smilax! Stay vigilant bro.

August252015

Do you have an IRL plan? AA or other? Emotional sobriety is what I focus on, not physical sobriety as for me that is an absolute given, with no alternative to go back, and both can be consistently and immensely supported by a program of action like AA. Meetings, sponsors - listening close to the stories you will hear of those who went back out, that NEVER end well, reading the same in the BB as well as what else is in there, talking with people with more time and experience than you....all very important. Then the tools you learn (urge surfing, playing the tape, etc) can be implemented along with the foundation you are building.

You can do it. You have to remember that you want to be sober MORE than you want to drink, at your bottom line. And that's a choice you are privileged to make- because RIGHT NOW, you are here and sober - and not everyone gets a chance to come back and try again.

Good luck.

entropy1964

You mention loneliness, which is one of the main reasons I drink. Since my husband died I have been totally alone. I have my daughter with me a lot, 80 % of the time, but when she leaves I am completely alone. I have tried to convince myself that I like being alone (and I do, some of the time) but it was a huge thing for me to realize that I need people. I need help. I need a community of alcoholics around me. I know this now and am working hard to find that community. I have hobbies, I am very active, but that's not people. I don't suffer from clinical depression but I certainly get very down. Being lonely will do nothing to help that for sure.

Do you have friends in recovery that you can share with? Other than SR that is?

MLD51

This is a very good suggestion. I always found that adding some sort of action (the writing down of reminders) to the thinking helped a lot.

courage2

Remember the reasons you quit. Drinking or using substances covers up some problems so they get worse when you get sober, at first. You have to be patient during that time. It will get better.

Have you been self-medicating while trying with meds? Have you been on meds as prescribed *and* off other substances for prolonged times? Don't mean to pry but if not, you might not have given yourself a chance to see a benefit.