ZenLifter

After 6 plus months. I am ashamed. Though I saw it coming a mile away. Want to stop, sick of this ****. I think I am also dealing with some kind of mental illness, which really reared its ugly head after enough sober time. I did have a bipolar diagnosis years ago, though it was sketchy....you know I was doing all the things I could, talking with people, trying the spiritual angle, trying to live by 12 step principles, and yet it still got the better of me. I just wanted the voices in my head to just shut up for awhile! Don't know what anyone can say to me about all this, but have at it if you want. Thanks....

Sharpy

You are back and seems you are willing to give it another try. Learn from your triggers and use what you've learned to stay sober this time. Xoxo

Dee74

All I'm going to say is look at where you went wrong, and adjust your recovery plan according ZL

If you think you might have mental illness, get it checked out

D

saoutchik

You may be ashamed of the relapse ZenLifter but you can also be proud of the 6 months too

You say your bipolar diagnosis was "sketchy," perhaps you could visit your doctor or whoever you saw then and try and obtain a more precise diagnosis - preferably after a period of sobriety

Alcoholism itself is a form of mental illness so you are definitely not alone. Hopefully you will find the right diagnosis/treatment that also supports you staying sober

Good luck

Soberwolf

It might be worth writing this down on a piece of paper and reading this when you get a craving

After my relapse I know that this is no longer an option the fact is it will only get worse if I continue to drink and I never want to feel like this again

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ling-itch.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-rabbits.html

ChloeRose63

SW,
I really appreciate the links! Thank you so much!!♡CR

Anna

Zen, it's great that you were doing what you could for the bipolar issue, but maybe talking to a dr again would be a good idea.

You had 6 good months and you can do it again. Figure out where you thinking shifted and try to come up with a plan to prevent that again.

january161992

They have really great meetings in Reno

years ago i went to the fellowship across 80 from the circus circus

go to a meeting today/ tonight (take a cab/ uber if youre drinking)

introduce yourself as new

everyone will be glad to see you!

God bless

EndGameNYC

I'm very sorry about this, Zen.

Nobody wants to have psychological problems, and it makes it even worse when we refer to them as a "mental illness." Most people with a valid diagnosis try a lot of different things to avoid what's going on inside in the hope that things will get better. That's a completely natural response. We do the same thing with medical problems.

With that, attempting to stay sober with other conditions beyond our control is a tremendous, and very often futile undertaking, given that getting sober with some semblance of emotional stability itself is accomplished, or even attempted, by a minority of those of us who are afflicted. But it's been done millions of time, and there are many people who have done just that. I'm one of them.

Take some time, rest up, get yourself together and then do what you can to get the help you need. There's no reason why you cannot live a better life.

ZenLifter

Thank you end game....its just become very apparent to me that my thought processes are not at all normal, no matter how I try to control them, and as much as I hate to admit it, I may have to take the meds....

least

My last relapse was after I had gone six months sober. I drank for two days and woke up wishing I was dead.



That was six years and nine months ago. If I can do it, so can you.

D122y

Wow 6 months is amazing.

If you still want to stop, get right back on the wagon.

It is an addiction for life.

I crave sometimes now, 16 months. But, I never want to deal w the anxiety I felt again.

I am slowly learning to live sober. I obsess so much, but not like when I was insane w physical addiction. I am sure my obsessive nature is a mental problem.

Fighting addiction is exhausting, embrace sobriety instead.

Thanks.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Zen, don't beat yourself up,.

We can't rewrite the past, only write a new chapter to our future!!

Leezer

Hey Zen,
I remember you from our Feb class and we've missed you.

Listen, sometimes the only way to tease out a mental issue is to get sober. Alcohol really masks a lot of things.

I take medication for anxiety and it runs in my family. I have secretly always wondered if when I drank if it would go away, or at least ease up.

I am almost at 7 months and now it is VERY clear to me that my anxiety is VERY real, genetic, and not situational. Though stopping drinking has changed my life, to be completely forward and straight, it has done NOTHING for my anxiety. If anything I am MORE aware of it now....

That being said......................................

Maybe this is what needed to happen for you to really understand that there's something else other than drinking as an issue? I know being the same amount of time sober is what I needed to truly know.

The point is you are back. Drinking will not help, you got this, just take your meds. You've learned a lot and were certainly an inspiration to me.

Best,
Lee

butcher70

Zen, get back on the horse amigo! Don't hang your head. You did if before you can do it again and come back with a stronger plan! Got faith in you bud!

Delilah1

Welcome back Zen, don't beat yourself up, just pick yourself up, dust off and start again.

I think it would be smart to see your doctor again. There is nothing wrong with taking medication if it is needed and you are taking it as prescribed.

I deal with anxiety, and have medication to help with that. My anxiety has lessened since being sober, but it doesn't go away.

Glad you are back!!!
❤️ Delilah

gettingsmarter

Zen you can get back on track. I can definitely identify with you. Since I have gotten sober I have learned that I have OCD and a pretty bad anxiety disorder. It has gotten much much better in the last year and a half sober but it's still there. Being sober gives us the chance to learn to get better by working through it. Being wasted all the time takes any chance of getting better and hides it. You can get back on track.

EndGameNYC

In the early days of AA, even taking aspirin was not tolerated. Introduced for mass availability in the early Twentieth Century, it was considered to be a miracle drug and, in large part because of its reputation, was taken with caution, or not taken at all.

The thing about making a decision on whether or not to go on medication is that it's always between you and your doctor. It doesn't have to do with politics, problems with Big Pharma, peer pressure, or fears around "turning into a zombie." And, unless you feel that you are at a critical place with your symptoms, you don't need to make the choice at this moment. Whether you go on meds or not is no one else's business.

advbike

Congratulations on 6 months.. and coming back. Well you don't need to listen to those voices.. they're just the voice of your ego (false self) trying to get you back to your old ways through distorted thinking. If you observe them for awhile you build awareness, and they begin to diminish. Practicing gratitude and acceptance also helps.

I also was not comfortable in sobriety, even after two years, finding myself constantly irritated and anxious, so I returned to AA and began working the steps. It's been very helpful to work a program of recovery. I'm calmer and can see my bad thinking and behavior patterns more clearly. This in turn has reduced my anxiety, anger, and especially my shame.

SweatyHands

Anyone can relapse. What matters, is how you move forward afterwards. I thought I was completely safe from any danger of relapsing. But when I hit the three year mark, I started letting the AV chatter again. I felt terrible about my relapse. And those feelings made me want to drink more, to hide from the shame. But once it clicked that I wanted my sobriety back, and I was ready to do anything to make that happen, suddenly my relapse stopped being the biggest thing in my life.

I will say, getting help from a therapist has been a huge step in maintaining my sobriety. And speaking as someone in the mental health field, I would urge anyone struggling with sobriety to see a doctor and/or therapist to find out if there is something else that needs to be addressed.