Relapsed in a big way
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Originally Posted by ZenLifter 
Thank you end game....its just become very apparent to me that my thought processes are not at all normal, no matter how I try to control them, and as much as I hate to admit it, I may have to take the meds....
I also had a 'sketchy' diagnosis of bipolar about 6 years ago. When I went to see the psychiatrist last month I got a proper diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, which I had long time suspected.
The proper meds, consistent and frequent real life support from groups and counselors or therapists, a ton of literature, SR daily, working on self honesty and self kindness, I feel like I have a better chance this go round. My last relapse trickled itself away, so I'm tucking in my sober days as I can, and doubling down my efforts. Also looking into DBT has been suggested to me and working on mindfulness. Download the sober tool app if you don't already have it. It helped bring me back to myself over and over in early sobriety. (Last time and now)
Take a look at your triggers and like you said, you saw it a long way coming. I do too, and a lot of it was knowing what was coming, stuffing my emotions about it, and untreated depression, anxiety and isolation. If you know it's coming, batten down the hatches and get your supports in place. Go do a naked rain dance if that will help get your feelings out and keep you from drinking
Double down your efforts. Nobody can't take that 6 months away from you. You can do it again. Think about what you can do today to make yourself feel better and to protect yourself tomorrow.
All we really have is today so love yourself and do whatever it takes to get to wherever you need to be.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Zen,
You know yourself better than anyone and it sounds like you are leaning toward highly suspecting you are bipolar. But, like someone else said, it could be another disorder like borderline...or it could be a dual diagnosis. Dr.'s are pretty good about listening up when you tell them straight out what is really going on with yourself...they have to listen to you and what you describe because there are no definitive lab tests or vital signs or imaging, etc that can clearly indicate a mental health problem. I am not sure where you got your sketchy diagnosis before...but most Dr.'s if they suspect you're bipolar will pursue it until they feel sure that's what it is and get you on the right meds and into counseling...you don't just leave a person hanging with a 'maybe you're bipolar'....to be untreated for such a thing can have bad consequences.
Something Dr's run into, though is the patient can be in denial for quite some time about what is really going on...as others have said, maybe you should seek out a proper diagnosis from a specialist and if that's what you really have a specialist can get you with good treatment.
You might find out that you really need to be medicated and that can be a hard one to accept, but it's NOTHING to be ashamed of. You may have people in your personal life who look down on meds and are sort of paranoid about being on meds. Listen to the Dr., not people who don't have a profession at stake. There are some folks in my church who are anit-meds because they think God can take care of everything with natural and spiritual provision....this can be a trap....God created us with brains and there are some highly intelligent people out there who have been given a good brain by God to address things and have invented medications to help people....not just pump them full of chemicals.
There is still a lot of stigma today about mental illness and needing to be 'medicated' as if one is somehow tainted for doing so and not going all natural...to my knowledge no one gets a gold medal for being all natural. There, I'll get off my soapbox now. Remember: no shame, m'friend.
You know yourself better than anyone and it sounds like you are leaning toward highly suspecting you are bipolar. But, like someone else said, it could be another disorder like borderline...or it could be a dual diagnosis. Dr.'s are pretty good about listening up when you tell them straight out what is really going on with yourself...they have to listen to you and what you describe because there are no definitive lab tests or vital signs or imaging, etc that can clearly indicate a mental health problem. I am not sure where you got your sketchy diagnosis before...but most Dr.'s if they suspect you're bipolar will pursue it until they feel sure that's what it is and get you on the right meds and into counseling...you don't just leave a person hanging with a 'maybe you're bipolar'....to be untreated for such a thing can have bad consequences.
Something Dr's run into, though is the patient can be in denial for quite some time about what is really going on...as others have said, maybe you should seek out a proper diagnosis from a specialist and if that's what you really have a specialist can get you with good treatment.
You might find out that you really need to be medicated and that can be a hard one to accept, but it's NOTHING to be ashamed of. You may have people in your personal life who look down on meds and are sort of paranoid about being on meds. Listen to the Dr., not people who don't have a profession at stake. There are some folks in my church who are anit-meds because they think God can take care of everything with natural and spiritual provision....this can be a trap....God created us with brains and there are some highly intelligent people out there who have been given a good brain by God to address things and have invented medications to help people....not just pump them full of chemicals.
There is still a lot of stigma today about mental illness and needing to be 'medicated' as if one is somehow tainted for doing so and not going all natural...to my knowledge no one gets a gold medal for being all natural. There, I'll get off my soapbox now. Remember: no shame, m'friend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Originally Posted by Leezer
I just don't know if any of us can really know WHO we are without stopping drinking.....so drinking has to be removed first and foremost because it can befuddle even the most adept therapists.....
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 486
Yes Zen,
That's exactly why I wrote what I did. I too have been almost 7 months, and it took me that long to realize that my anxiety was SEPARATE from my drinking....I apologize if I was not clear.
I really thought, for me, that at the very least, alcohol was making my anxiety worse. Only for hangovers.
Now almost 7 months later, my point was that I needed that 7 months to realize that my drinking and my anxiety were two distinctly different, in my case, issues.
Some people's anxiety is caused by drinking; mine is not. Only exacerbated by it.
Be well Zen,
Lee
That's exactly why I wrote what I did. I too have been almost 7 months, and it took me that long to realize that my anxiety was SEPARATE from my drinking....I apologize if I was not clear.
I really thought, for me, that at the very least, alcohol was making my anxiety worse. Only for hangovers.
Now almost 7 months later, my point was that I needed that 7 months to realize that my drinking and my anxiety were two distinctly different, in my case, issues.
Some people's anxiety is caused by drinking; mine is not. Only exacerbated by it.
Be well Zen,
Lee
Originally Posted by ZenLifter
Did u see where I wrote I had almost 7 months? I know myself enough to know that my thought processes are not normal. Thanks
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Hey Zen,
I've been diagnosed with bipolar for about 10 years. I wouldn't survive without my meds and end up in a psych ward. If you are bipolar, you will know in yourself that something is not quite right. Sometimes giving up alcohol doesn't cure everything. Just make sure you are not overmedicated if you do seek help. The medication I was given, I promptly halved and recovered on my own. Just some advice okay.
I've been diagnosed with bipolar for about 10 years. I wouldn't survive without my meds and end up in a psych ward. If you are bipolar, you will know in yourself that something is not quite right. Sometimes giving up alcohol doesn't cure everything. Just make sure you are not overmedicated if you do seek help. The medication I was given, I promptly halved and recovered on my own. Just some advice okay.
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