Finding it so exhausting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 131
Finding it so exhausting
I have been looking at this site for over a year now and have made the decision to post. I find the constant morning detective work, finding new hiding places and just the day to day obsession so shattering. I am constantly looking at other women in shops and carparks etc, and marvelling that they dont seem to have at least a few bottles in their trolleys and bags, how do they survive without it ! But of course, I realise that its me thats askew and not them. Another family meal out probably ruined by me. I say probably as I am in the dark after the first hour. No amount of detective work this time has shed any light and like everyone else I am way too ashamed, proud, in denial to ask any one. I cant remember the last time I went out, enjoyed the evening and came home like a normal person. Really sick and tired of the whole situation and feel I am ready to take some responsibility for what is solely my problem.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome, Lolly!
You may have a problem, but it is not solely yours. Many of us have been where you are , and have made it out the other side. Come join us--read around and post often!
You may have a problem, but it is not solely yours. Many of us have been where you are , and have made it out the other side. Come join us--read around and post often!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 131
Thankyou
Thanks for your warm welcomes. I dont really know where or how to begin this process apart from obviously setting a day 1 and admitting that I cant have that first one and stop. Its like a huge snowball in me every day, gathering momentum. I wish like everyone else on SR that I could be a social drinker but deep down I know I am never going to be one of those people. Way too many years of bad experiences have taught me that. Its like living two lives running parallel to each other 😔
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Lolly - welcome 
there's some good pointers here about making a recovery plan:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
there's some good pointers here about making a recovery plan:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
In order for something to change you need to DO someting different. You can do that now or in the future. What do you think would be better for you?
How about walking into an AA meeting. I believe you'll hear some things you can relate to.
How about walking into an AA meeting. I believe you'll hear some things you can relate to.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Lolly, I think we all understand your feelings at this point. It's really hard to accept you just can't do it anymore. But, you know what - you will feel the obsessive thoughts lift and you will have peace of mind.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 79
Welcome Lolly!
We have all been there, and we have all had a day one. I hope you can make today yours. Just don't drink today
Read around the site here, and keep posting.
Wishing you much luck!
We have all been there, and we have all had a day one. I hope you can make today yours. Just don't drink today
Read around the site here, and keep posting.
Wishing you much luck!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Welcome Lolly--you're right, no social drinking protocol works for me either
But sobriety has become its own reward.
The beginning is a bit tough, but get through that and you'll be amazed how
much better you feel about yourself and about life
But sobriety has become its own reward.
The beginning is a bit tough, but get through that and you'll be amazed how
much better you feel about yourself and about life
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Hi Lolly26. Detective work. Yes.
Looking to others to measure myself. So hard not to do. Then one day a woman who I only knew from an exercise class for over a year takes me aside and tells me her marriage has been falling apart "forever." What?! (here I thought you were 'perfect,' had everything together!)
No one in our town knows all the secret drinking that goes on (especially our dear ladies' quiet addictions) except the checkout employees! And they aren't shy about sharing the info.
You aren't in this alone. People are struggling and suffering, but they don't want anyone to see. But you stepped out, and that is Brave. I hope we can help you. Please don't shame yourself anymore.
And welcome
Looking to others to measure myself. So hard not to do. Then one day a woman who I only knew from an exercise class for over a year takes me aside and tells me her marriage has been falling apart "forever." What?! (here I thought you were 'perfect,' had everything together!)
No one in our town knows all the secret drinking that goes on (especially our dear ladies' quiet addictions) except the checkout employees! And they aren't shy about sharing the info.
You aren't in this alone. People are struggling and suffering, but they don't want anyone to see. But you stepped out, and that is Brave. I hope we can help you. Please don't shame yourself anymore.
And welcome
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Lolly, I felt just like you when I came here and eventually quit. It was exhausting and soul destroying to keep on the way I was. Everything was flat - there was no hope. You can turn it all around. I'm so glad you posted.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, Lolly, and way to go on posting!
yes, i remember that weird combination of shame and pride...seems at first glance that they "should" be opposites, but they're not, not at all. what some call "ego".
having the deep down knowledge you'll never be a "social drinker" is a good certainty to have. once you have it, no more need to experiment.
yes, i remember that weird combination of shame and pride...seems at first glance that they "should" be opposites, but they're not, not at all. what some call "ego".
having the deep down knowledge you'll never be a "social drinker" is a good certainty to have. once you have it, no more need to experiment.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 131
Thank you everyone for your positive comments. Have woken up, the sun is shining, the radio is playing great music. I have decided today is day one for me. The normal world seems to be a nice place this morning and I definitely want to be part of it. Will let you all know my progress.
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