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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1
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My first post. I want to pour my heart out, but it would take too long and it hurts. I guess I just want to go where I am understood and heard, without saying a thing. I live with an alcoholic. I believe he has relapsed multiple times. I know I am constantly lied to, cheated on, and, yes, I am choosing to live under constant deception. I take complete responsibility for my choice. I do, however, need to take better care of myself through it all, so that is why I am here. I am not interested in falling into the old traps of being the worlds sharpest detective, co-dependent, and basic crazy person. I-do-not-want-that. I am here to protect my sanity. I am sure I will open up as I go along, as it would probably be beneficial. I am very guarded. The wall. :-(
We are all here with you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi Kiwi, Really nice to meet you!!!
You took a really big step today, by joining here. I remember so well when I felt like I had no one to talk to and no one who would understand me. I was feeling crazy and just overwhelmed. I tried to talk to some people, but I picked the wrong ones. I picked my family first, and that just made me feel crazier then I already felt. I then started to isolate myself. That isn't really a good thing to do.
My biggest break thru was to confide in a friend of mine. I don't know why I did that, because truthfully, she never lived a life like mine, and I was afraid that I would get the same reaction from her, as I did from my family.
She gave me some advice that I will never forget. She told me that she thinks I am feeling overwhelmed with everything that is going on and that when you feel overwhelmed, you feel like there is never a solution. She asked me if I could mentally take everything out of my head, and put it in a box, then give her the box, and we can look at one problem at a time, and just handle one thing at a time. It felt so great to just give her all of my problems in a box so that she could hold onto it for awhile, until I felt ready to deal with things. We did eventually go thru that whole box.
I found it so validating, and such a relief to have someone to talk to who encouraged me instead of putting me down.
There are many people here who understand and who you can talk to. I think no matter what the situation is, there are many here that also went through that.
I think when you are ready, if you want to write a wall of text, or a specific incident, or just to say "hi", I really need to talk to someone normal today, you will have people to talk to.
We are family here. Welcome
(((((((hugs))))))
amy
You took a really big step today, by joining here. I remember so well when I felt like I had no one to talk to and no one who would understand me. I was feeling crazy and just overwhelmed. I tried to talk to some people, but I picked the wrong ones. I picked my family first, and that just made me feel crazier then I already felt. I then started to isolate myself. That isn't really a good thing to do.
My biggest break thru was to confide in a friend of mine. I don't know why I did that, because truthfully, she never lived a life like mine, and I was afraid that I would get the same reaction from her, as I did from my family.
She gave me some advice that I will never forget. She told me that she thinks I am feeling overwhelmed with everything that is going on and that when you feel overwhelmed, you feel like there is never a solution. She asked me if I could mentally take everything out of my head, and put it in a box, then give her the box, and we can look at one problem at a time, and just handle one thing at a time. It felt so great to just give her all of my problems in a box so that she could hold onto it for awhile, until I felt ready to deal with things. We did eventually go thru that whole box.
I found it so validating, and such a relief to have someone to talk to who encouraged me instead of putting me down.
There are many people here who understand and who you can talk to. I think no matter what the situation is, there are many here that also went through that.
I think when you are ready, if you want to write a wall of text, or a specific incident, or just to say "hi", I really need to talk to someone normal today, you will have people to talk to.
We are family here. Welcome
(((((((hugs))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: PA
Posts: 29
To say you take complete responsibility is brave talk. If you knew how to take complete responsibility I'm sure you would not be in this situation.
Honestly, one the greastest things you can learn here is what you are not responsible for.
Pleasing our parents, God, or partner is not our responsibility, yet we often hold on to diseased situations because we feel responsible for how others feel. We cannot take that responsibility on.
I think you are taking on way more responsibility than your fair share. Decide what you are "actually" responsible for and let the rest go.
In other words, you might not be responsible for your choice to stay, maybe that is some subconscious driver you cannot control. But maybe you can take responsibility for your health, your sanity, your future, etc. But we all have fears of hardship and fear of the unknown that we cannot just walk away from what is familiar.
Honestly, one the greastest things you can learn here is what you are not responsible for.
Pleasing our parents, God, or partner is not our responsibility, yet we often hold on to diseased situations because we feel responsible for how others feel. We cannot take that responsibility on.
I think you are taking on way more responsibility than your fair share. Decide what you are "actually" responsible for and let the rest go.
In other words, you might not be responsible for your choice to stay, maybe that is some subconscious driver you cannot control. But maybe you can take responsibility for your health, your sanity, your future, etc. But we all have fears of hardship and fear of the unknown that we cannot just walk away from what is familiar.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Kiwi, welcome to F&F. Have a good look around the site and read some of the stickies at the top of the thread. You will realise you're not alone, and may even work out a way to exit your situation.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Kiwi....can you put into words what you might like for us to help you with?
If you can't..that is still o.k.
As FeelingGreat suggested, you can begin to read the "stickies" at the top of the main page (with the little pictures of locks , on the left hand side of the page.
I, especially, like the one titled: "Classic Readings". It is a virtual bootcamp of knowledge about alcoholism and co-dependency......
Knowledge is power.
WELCOME!
dandylion
If you can't..that is still o.k.
As FeelingGreat suggested, you can begin to read the "stickies" at the top of the main page (with the little pictures of locks , on the left hand side of the page.
I, especially, like the one titled: "Classic Readings". It is a virtual bootcamp of knowledge about alcoholism and co-dependency......
Knowledge is power.
WELCOME!
dandylion
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